Alienated Girl


Unfortunately I am a middle child.

I have always felt left out in things and would stay away from my family. I felt like the ‘black sheep’ in a white sheep herd, so I stayed away from them.

I was always the ‘weird’ one, the ‘crazy’ one, the ‘scary’ one, because I believed in things out of this world. My parents would laugh at me for being curious of fashion styles and talking about ‘weird’ topics such as Aliens and Stonehenge [sci-fi fan girl] and they would criticize me, but it would be my relatives that would understand me because most of them were a middle child.

My older brother would be brought to things without a complaint because he would be the ‘over-achiever’ and win awards and such, except my parents never came to my Award ceremonies. They Didn’t even come to my 6 grade graduation, and I would be lucky if my dad came and sat for one of my chorus concerts but he would just drop me off and pick me up later.

I have 2 younger siblings that are attached to my parents very much that I barely have time alone to speak to them. I ended up having very low self-esteem that only got worse when I started getting acne in elementary, I would start to be distant to many people in elementary and more tolerant of multiple people.

I got made fun of by the popular girls because I wasn’t a ‘stick’ figure like them or blonde, and didn’t have a very good boyfriend then. And then I only had him as a choice because no other guy would go out with me.

So to over-view things; I was a distant, weird, shy, smart, mysterious kid with too many personalities.

I am now living a very different life, not much had changed though except my impossible amount of tolerance of people’s attitude, and my self-image. I’m working on becoming more intelligent and confident as we know it on my own… Gradually… with help from another middle child friend…


Middle Child Syndrome or Depression?

I’m not to sure if in my case I would be the middle child due to my mom having four children, but the point is I’m not sure if I’m having middle child syndrome effects. The reason why all three of my siblings graduated high school and i didn’t or why I’m 20 and still have not had my own car and still haven’t had my own room. I’m still haven’t got my ged and from time to time my mom will speak to me about it but then just changes subjects like it’s a big deal but it’s not anything she will help me to fix. I am the black sheep of my family for 1 I’m gay 2 I smoke weed 3 am the only one with thoughts of suicide. that’s when i question if that is middle child syndrome or just effects of depression?
– porchia

Hi porchia. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, it seems that you are suffering from middle child syndrome. You must be aware that it all started from being ignored and unloved. Being gay or smoking weed, that is not who you are. Believe me I know how hard it is to live with that. Just stay clean and spend time with your friends. We believe in you, may God watch over you.

Middle Child Syndrome

middle child syndrome

What is a Middle Child?

A middle child is someone who is born in between two or more siblings. Being born in the middle, as you’ll soon find out is not that simple. The middle child, unlike the eldest or youngest child, does not get much attention. Middle children are also usually considered outcasts in their families and often develop a condition called Middle Child Syndrome.

What is Middle Child Syndrome?

Middle child syndrome is a condition in which children born in the middle experience feelings of emptiness, inadequacy and jealousy. It is also characterized by low self-esteem and extreme introversion, sometimes even leading to psychotic behavior.

The middle child, unlike the eldest child and the youngest child, is not given much attention. They have to go the extra mile just to get some of it. Middle children tend to be achievers because they need awards to be recognized by their parents. Sadly, this also goes the other way around, they can be very troublesome and determined to get noticed even if it means getting scolded at or punished.

Because they lack emotional support and guidance from their parents, they will always have a sense of low self-esteem. These feelings of emptiness and loneliness make them not very friendly and maybe even weird to other people. Most likely, these negative feelings will also stop them from pursuing what they want.

Other observable traits of middle children are insecurity and jealousy. Being raised in an environment where they have to compete for attention, it’s natural for them to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy of others. Seeing others easily get attention while they continue to strive for attention, these feelings of resentment towards others will continue to build up. All these repressed feelings of being unloved, unwanted or even hated can trigger an extreme case of middle child syndrome where they show psychotic behavior.

Possible Causes of Middle Child Syndrome

After discussing the common traits of people with middle child syndrome, we can find two main causes, identity crisis and lack of emotional support.

Identity crisis is very common to us all, and it’s something that we all experience at some point in our lives. Wanting to be different from everyone else is very normal and there’s not much we can do about it. The other cause is lack of support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others, often leading to even more problems such as drug abuse.

Is there a Solution?

Some say that middle children should be given the love and attention that they should have had when they were young, but I believe this will only make them more dependent on their parent’s approval.

There are also cases where middle children tend to separate from their family at a relatively early age to have families of their own. While having a new family means getting another chance, I do not think this is the best solution because escaping the past will not really resolve any childhood issues and these issues may haunt them for the rest of their lives.

The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome. While this may sound more like prevention rather than treatment, I think that it’s never too late for good and responsible parenting.

But this is just my opinion, what do you think? Comments are very much appreciated.

P.S. I’m a middle child in case you’re wondering. 🙂

Feel free to join the discussion. We’d love to hear from you!