Ever since I was little I had to seek constant reassurance that I was good, or being good or doing well, and I always had low self esteem.
I had an older sister who is only 1 and a half years older than me, but she always got to do things first and got and get the best things first and I get hand-me-downs from her, even though I hate her style. When I was like 6 my mom said she was having a baby and I was excited. I was going to be the older sister now and I was going to get to teach her things and such… but when she was born, I never even got to hold her because my sister was older and got to hold her first and by the time I got her she was crying. Then she got older and instead of me getting things first or doing things first, it was always either my big sister or my little sister because “she’s youngest” or “she’s oldest” and I was always in the middle.
I started making sure I was last all the time just so I wouldn’t be in the middle. then we moved and my big sister got the biggest room with a closet, (mine has pipes in it so I cant even use it) and I wanted the smallest because it has 2 closets and a walk in one which I always wanted, but my mom got mad because my little sister wanted it so I just got the middle sized room with no closet. I always feel like people like my sisters more and that no one likes me at all or even hate me, and I’m always sad and really hate life. I wish my mom and dad loved me more and didn’t treat me so badly compared to my sisters…