My Childhood

 

I was a typical middle child. No love, my parents abandoned me for my little brother. I gave myself birthday parties, and nobody came. I was never given a proper education because my parents hated me. I often had to find dinner from the garbage because my parents did not feed me. I’ve had major identity crisis since the age of 3, not knowing who i really am. I have often wondered why i was concieved. Then i realizied it was so my parents could have 3 children and not pay attention to me. I was a mistake. The condom broke. They showed me. My life was a lie.

Megan

Middle of Five

Although my parents give me the least attention, i get attention. Althought my parents give me the least, at least they give me something. Although my parents do more for my siblings, they do things for me. Although my parents love me the least, they still love me. We middle children should accept this and not let it get us down; we are better than our siblings and parents and we will be/are better parents than they were/are. As the middle child, i have noticed that other middle children get less attention, too, but those children are intelligent, great, even. We cannot let middle chid syndrome get the better of us. We must accept middle child syndrome and not let it take us. Unfortunately, not everyone sees this, not because they are unintelligent, but because i, for two and a half years, was the youngest, before my younger brother, than sister came. Although only the middle chid for two and a half years, my older brother has transformed into someone who gave up on academics and decided that it is better to be ‘cool’. He is distanced from the family, and i do not want to become like him. We must know that at least we are loved, even if only a little. Yes, we aren’t liked as much, but that cannot affect who we are. We cannot let it.

– Bilaal

A Story from the Readers

 

I am 22 years old, been married for nearly 4 years and have 2 gorgeous daughters, so it is unlikely that I fit into the loner or commitment bracket as much, but I don’t have a wide circle of friends. I had always grown up in the shadow of my elder brother, he was the brainy one. My younger brother was the baby, and got away with everything. I was the middle child, always getting noticed for the wrong reasons, I am still reminded of these reasons now most times I go home.

An example would be my brothers both being able to have friends over, it was always an inconvenience for mine to come over. I was expected to look up to my brother, and be an example for my younger brother.

As I got older into my teens I used to spend every weekend and my friends house, where I felt most comfortable and less like an outcast that my brothers could gang up on. My friends parents didn’t know or didn’t care about when I was bad, therefore I was never bad to them (wonder why?). I had my escapism when I joined a military youth organization, I found a niche that I fitted right into, I also enhanced my independence.

My older brother got jealous, and resented me (he still does), probably because my mother noticed me for something good for a change. I joined the Air Force and now live 300 miles away from family, where I feel most comfortable.

But problems persist. On my wedding day my mother pleaded poverty to my in-laws, and did a good job, but managed to buy my brother a car for his 21st (she even tried to justify it by saying that your 21st only comes once, so its more important). My wife’s family were seething, does my mother think that my marriage wont last? I can tell you that my relationship with my wife and her family is spot on, and in no way of stopping. We didn’t even get a proper wedding gift. I only received a fraction of the amount the car cost for my 21st. Its examples like this that make me glad we live so far away.

My wife has put up enough with this, she is at her wits end and I believe that this whole middle child syndrome had manifested into a kind of middle family syndrome. My wife and kids are more important to me than the background I come from, I believe. They are my future, and a new life, none of the crap I’m used to. We never get calls, e-mails, we’re always expected to make the first move, and we’ve never asked or received any help (we have had plenty from my in-laws), yet my older brother has his food cooked, bed made, washing cleaned, but he shows no thanks. It makes me sick because my wife and I have struggles and learned to pay our own way, and pay plenty of taxes, he is just a freeloader. Why are we treated differently? Is it because we are moaners? Or are we just thought of as Owain and his new family, and are (once again) ignored and not given the time of day? 2011 is going to be a good year, I am not going to blab about my life and achievements, but am simply going to see if anyone in my family asks or shows concern. Here are some other examples, to summarize;

– My younger brother receiving money to travel home. We are never offered any help to go home, and it costs us a heck of a lot more. Yet my mother uses poverty as an excuse to not visit.

– My daughter stayed at my in-laws, but my mother HAD to see my older brother the same day (he lives 30 minutes away not 6 hrs like us). She went and visited out daughter, moaned about money, and went home. (Only went to see her once in the whole 2 weeks she was there while my wife was giving birth to our (equally) second daughter)

– Brings up stories of my misbehaving youth every time we go home, as if I am still to retain my place in the family lineup as the ‘little git’ one.

– We are not called, or given as much help as my other brothers, we almost feel forgotten.

My wife and I are going to concentrate on the future with our children. If we are to be sidelined, then we have to let that be and sideline my family, we have our own life issues without this hanging over us. Its a case of ‘get involved and interested, or not at all’. We wont see our children feeling sidelined and alienated.

Do You have Middle Child Syndrome?

So you’re a middle child, but how do you know you have Middle Child Syndrome? We have creatively collected this survey from a list of the most common symptoms seen in an individual with Middle Child Personality. The survey is composed of questions that are arranged in in a scale from mild to dangerous symptoms.

The 10 Symptoms
(Answer Truthfully!)

  1. Do you feel alienated from your family?

  2. Do you feel alienated from your friends?

  3. Do you often lock yourself inside your room?

  4. Ever felt used by friends?

  5. Do you get easily depressed from criticism?

  6. Have you ever dreamed of something but didn’t have the courage to pursue it?

  7. Do you feel envy and even hatred towards your parents or siblings?

  8. Have you ever done things just to be accepted or noticed by others?

  9. Did you feel that you were pushed to achieve things that you did not enjoy your childhood?

  10. Ever felt that you did not belong and no one loves you and the world will be better without you?

Meaning of my scores: Count the number of YES‘s to the questions above

0-3 Congratulations! You’re perfectly normal.

4-5 You just suffer low self-esteem. Nothing weird, go fix your hair and you will do fine.

6-8 Do not be scared. It seems you have mild Middle Child Personality. Self-help and guidance will often cure the condition.

9-10 Unfortunately, you suffer a severe condition of Middle Child Syndrome, try not to do anything rash. Emotional support from love ones along with psychiatric help will solve this.

Being the Middle Child

Being a middle child really sucks. I am not generalizing this statement, because middle child syndrome is very real. It is a condition that continues to affect millions of people around the world, including me.

I hate my middle child personality, it is like a disease inside me. I have never felt I truly belonged. All the attention were given to the first and last child. I feel that everything I do goes unnoticed, sometimes it seems that I was not intended to be part of the family. Middle children are the black sheep of the family. Middle children are the outcasts. Yes, I was always aware of middle child personality, they say that middle children are underachievers and inferior compare to our siblings. I personally do not believe this. Since I was a kid, I was driven to achieve things just to be noticed. While being successful at being praised and honored, I still didn’t feel loved at all.

I think middle children are really talented individuals. Well, I’m not a professional artist, but I can say that I’m pretty artistic compared to my other siblings. But still, I always feel that there is something lacking, that feeling prevents me from pursuing my dreams and ambitions. I feel that before I can live my life, I must first move on from the past, which is very hard to do.

I am already 22 years old, still single and living on my own. I hope that all these will pass, and one day I will look at myself and be proud of who I am and what I have achieved, not for the acceptance of others, but for myself.

I strongly believe that good parenting must be practiced by all aspiring parents. In this way, unloved children like me would not continue to suffer. Middle children deserve better.