Middle Girl

I am 15 years old, middle child of 5. I have all types of siblings, an older and a younger sister, and an older and a younger brother. I don’t actually know what I am in my family.

Sometimes I’m loud, sometimes I’m not. My mom would tell me sometimes to stop speaking loud out of nowhere cause it surprises her and I think, I was just talking….haha. Growing up, I was the youngest. I was closer to my brother than to my sister. And then my younger sister was born and she got all the attention. And then my younger brother was born and he got the attention too. All my siblings had most of my parents’ attention since my older sister and older brother were the first, and my younger sister and younger brother are the last.

I found myself suddenly being mean to my little sister all the time when I was 12 until now but she’s the one I’m closest to now though she’s only 11… And I was never close to my older sister which is weird when we’re stuck together alone. My little brother’s just there and my older brother’s second to whom I’m closest with. I’m the one who he asks help from all the time.

As a child, I was very independent. My parents would be surprised how I suddenly know how to do this and that. And they’d be proud. They told me once that whoever I marry will be a lucky guy. They said it’s because I’m so responsible, organized and clean, independent, reliable, kind, caring, thoughtful and all that. I’m more mature than my older siblings, and most good looking out of us girls. Sometimes i would say to myself that I should’ve been the eldest. But that would be a difficult job.

Anyway, lately I’ve been depressed. My mom quit her job to take care of my lazy and dependent younger siblings. And because of that, we are very strict about spending. Actually we always were. But I noticed that I would always get the least out of all my siblings. On my 7th grade graduation, I didn’t get a gift from my parents because my mom said that my grad shoes, and the after-party things I bought with her were already my presents from them. I wondered how that could be a gift when actually we bought that cause I needed it. I expected to be surprised by them like how they gave my older brother a nice phone when he graduated and my sister too.

Throughout my whole life, I was always jealous of my siblings, especially my younger sister. She took my place and that’s a lot to take in. That’s why sometimes I find myself being mean to her by giving her mean looks, threatening her, and etc… My little sister surpassed me in getting a better phone than I do. My sister has an iPhone, my brother a blackberry, I have a low-tech Nokia phone (the one with the flashlight), my little sis a Samsung Galaxy y, and my little bro a Nokia touch phone. I wonder how my dad can see me with a phone like that knowing I am his daughter, and he’s a doctor.

It’s hard for me to say how I feel to my parents. But I find it easy to say to my closest friends. My mom called me coy once because she heard that I was very very loud in school and I had a lot of friends, but at home I would be less loud and staying in my room.

It was always unfair… And I know it would always be. I don’t even know how I came to this website and why I just wrote this here. I just want to be heard. It’s really unfair being a middle child and whenever I encounter stuff about this it makes me choke up. I wish I was the youngest. I wish my parents didn’t have children after me. I was already the youngest and they made me a middle child. That really hurt.

If I was the youngest I would’ve been the favorite and they would get me things and we wouldn’t have to be worried about money and it wouldn’t be hard talking to them and I wouldn’t be on this blog writing this and tearing up. I deserve to be the youngest after all I’ve been through and I’m still young at 15. UGH. I told myself before that I would never ever have a middle child. I would not risk my child in the future feeling the same way as I do. I hate this.