Stuck at the Middle

I’m the middle of a family with 3 boys. I grew up with a younger brother bugging the ever living day light out of me, trying to be better than me (until he grew taller than me) while looking up to my older brother, who ignored me. I played with my figurines and spent much of my time day dreaming.

Because I was ignored because of my quiet nature in contrast to my hyperactive younger brother and my “must have everything according to schedule” older brother, I seemed to be high maintenance demanding attention through actions and money from my parents. My younger brother has a larger bone structure than me and my older brother is taller than me. I seem to make up for this by having expensive taste in clothes. I used to get into arguments which usually ended in my father hitting me.

I’ve never been good at making friends and freeze and let a chance pass by me when I have a chance of meeting a girl. I joined the army which didn’t help and almost had a suicidal mental breakdown after spending 14 weeks in unbearable conditions only to fail the last test because I lacked command presence

I’m now 24 moved away from home (to another country) unemployed struggling to get a job a creative writing type of field and trying to bring up a shred of confidence at a job interview in order to survive and I escape reality with whatever entertainment I can find.

Is there no better text book example of middle child syndrome? It is scary to think my life has been somewhat set on a path or decided in accordance to the order in which I was born.

Sam