Woes of a Middle Child

I’m 13 years old and of course the middle child. I have an older sister and a younger brother. It seems that all the time my sister will randomly pick a fight with me and I will always be the one to get in trouble. Other times I will just be sitting in my room doing homework and my little brother will come in with his nerf guns and I will chase him around the house in response then get into trouble for “attacking” my little brother.

I’m unsure if my parents just don’t like me or if it just comes with being the middle child. Not to mention I am a high honors student and both of my siblings get C’s. When I’m not getting yelled at by my parents, I feel like I am constantly doing other people’s chores. It’s like I don’t even exist unless I’m being yelled at or asked by my parents to do my little brother’s chores because he is still too young to be doing the dishes (he’s 12).

My parents don’t even just push my siblings’ chores on me though. Just last night my mother had me cook an entire meal ( Fish, rice, broccoli) by myself so she could sit and watch TV then when I asked her for a new $10 shirt that I had wanted forever she said I hadn’t earned it then proceeded to spend $50 on call of duty for my little brother. I am also usually responsible for my sister’s chores as well because she is also sleeping or yeah she’s typically sleeping. Is it usual for a middle child to be given all the responsibilities and for the younger child to be given all the gifts and freedom or do my parents just hate me and favor my brother?

Heather

20 thoughts on “Woes of a Middle Child

  1. I can understand you! When my grandpa brings wood for our wood stove then me and my little sister have to move it to the wood pile, and she doesn’t do much to help. Or when my mom comes back from the store with a car full of food some one needs to put it in the house. Guess who gets to do it? Me and my sister and she doesn’t do much. And one time my sister broke he Kindle Fire and my mom and dad got her a new one for Christmas! And one time I got the tiniest bit of food on her book and she freeked out and mom made me buy her a new one!!!!!!! Dose anyone know what I should do??

  2. Um well this is kind of late but I can totally relate to you. I am the middle child of 7 children and it is awful. My parents care so much for my older siblings and they spoil the younger ones so much its like wow i don’t fit here. It’s also true that we get blamed for everything, my parents were fighting about how one of the shelves was broken and somehow it involved me and how I was the one who didn’t take care of it even through its not my shelf. I get blamed for all sorts of ridiculous stuff and it’s like really its not my fault. And I get you on the part with the shirt, I’ve been wanting and iPod since forever and even did my best to act really good and everything but my parents were like we don’t have money for an iPod. Yet a week later they went and bought my 3 younger siblings 60+ dollar shoes that they would grow out of in 6 months. I agree with you though being a middle child does make you stronger, I get really good grades because I didn’t have anyone to help me with hw so I had to learn it all my self. And yes it sucks that everyone gets more attention but remember as soon as you turn 18 they can’t control you anymore so stay strong until that day.
    -Eliza, 15

  3. We’re alike but my brother is 15 and he’s always on my nerves all the time. He is annoying and lazy. After he makes a mess he never cleans it up and me my mom has to clean it up. My little sister is 6 years old and she is too young to do the chores. Sometimes she wants to help but I tell her no because she might mess up, so I just do it on my own. And she is lazy just like my brother and my. I feel like I have a lot of stress on me. my dad is never fare to me because he always cares about my little sister first and then my brother and it’s always me last. The only person I really love in my family is my mom right now. She always love me. She puts me first before those loser(my brother not my sister). Now they are having a fight about divorce and my brother is basically on my dad side and my sister is not apart of it and I don’t want to be a part it. But my dad keeps dragging me in! I don’t want to be the pawn. If I side with my dad my mom will be hurt and if I side with my mom then my dad will be hurt. And the suckesh thing right now is that my dad has change to mean to nice and I still love my mom but I don’t know about my dad? I am stuck in a sticky situation and don’t want to be a part of it. And I don’t know what to do? Hope you get better.

  4. I am exactly like you. I have an older sister and a younger brother; both are both annoying and lazy. I am left making tea every night as my parents are basically never home. I ask my sister to do jobs as she is 16 years old, but she is too lazy, I tell my mum but she just tells me to get on with it, although she does get annoyed with her. I am left doing ALL the chores around home and so I make my brother help, he is only 8, and I feel really bad about it, but I make him help with the dishes, he doesn’t do them properly and I have to do them again. BTW your brother is not too young to do the dishes, infact he should have started doing them a long time ago. I am also a smart person (sorry if that sounds cocky) but I feel I am getting held back by my jobs. Also my mum never gave me pocket money or any money for anything. I had to get a job. All she pays for is my school fees and my food and housing, I even have to pay for after school activities, this really upsets me. Don’t worry you are not alone and every other middle child must understand.

  5. my sister is 19, im 13, my little sister is 10 and my brother is 8. both my parents make me and my sisters do all the chores in the house. Whenever i ask why they wont make my brother do any work, my mom hits me and tells me that he doesnt have to do anything because he is a boy. Now that my older sister is gone to college they make me do all the work. i tend to argue with my mom more often because of that and she just becomes more and more abusive. the only time im happy is when im at school away from my messed up family. i always get good grades but that just is never enough for my mom. im quiet at home and at school and pretty much keep to my self. i always tell my self things will get better but they never do….

  6. I feel your pain im 12 1/2 and my older brother is 5 years older and my younger bro is 10 months yet they mistacken my nam all the time. I get high scores and test and about to br going to one of the best schools in Illinois. Yet they say i failed and should do better. I mean my older brother is careless with his dicisions. I get regetted as weak,helpless,worst of the three,etc.) yet in time of need they ask for favors, yet they think its because we’er family.when i’m brother gets new things for no pay at all. I get nothing for my birthday exept money that I can not use.For I have no debt yet treated like a chalky shadow

  7. Damn most of the time i wanna pray for my 16 yr old brother and 4 yr old twins (boys) would grow up faster so i can have my room back, and where do i sleep now you ask? I SLEEP IN A DARK ROOM called the basement and when the security caught my 16 yr old brother driving when he was 15 i was blamed by my GRANDMA AND PARENTS for not looking at his pedal and crap. I mean how the hell am i suppose to know that im only 13.And when my twin brothers were fighting and 1 twin got a scar on his head i was blamed for not watching them. And plus my parents dont remember mym name instead the call me “guy”

  8. Susan, you are an adult now; you have matured. Things are not as easy as you make them out to be. Although your advice is quite reasonable, I must say that I just wish I could be appreciated a little more. I am the perfect child. Well, i try my best. I get good grades, I do ALL the chores (including cooking most of the time), but couldn’t my mother even praise me for the good that I do at least on occasion. What good is it to get good grades and be a good daughter, if it all goes unnoticed. Do not misunderstand, as I am not saying that I am going to start failing for attention and doing drugs and whatnot. Im just saying that it would be nice if my mother would show that she appreciates me, for being me.

  9. Dont feel like ur alone on this, I hear ya sister. I also am the high achiever and the slave. Not only do i not get praised for anything i do, but I also get blamed for everything. Annoying younger bro and older sisters will be like that. After 13 years, I ve learned that thats just the way life is. Why am i always given the responsibilities? does my mom hate me? well, im just trying to live happily. Your little bro can do his own damned dishes and so can mine, althugh he is only nine. Heck, Ive been doing the dishes since i was nine too. Im busy doing everything all day while bro and sis just laze around watching television and playing games on the computer. reading your experience, I ve realized that Im not alone is this. As the middle children/ teenagers, its just something that we have to deal with. I do however stiil have the hope that when my bro gets to b your bros age, ILL get to b the one lazying around. But as ive said before, im the middle child. So i try not to have to many hopes and dreams for a better future.

    P.S. Please excuse my grammar. i am currently in th process of writing an essay, but i just felt that I had to share with you that you are not alone in this. Its just the way of the middle child. Ha,what I wouldnt give to be the youngest. :) Stay strong,
    Your Fellow Middle Child

  10. I’m 12 years old. I am the middle child. My mom only really cares about my older sister and younger brother. It is so unfair! My sister is a sophomore and it is always about her with sports, college, and driving. And with my brother it is always about him because hemis the only boy! When I wake up I go upstairs and sit at the table. My mom dosen’t say anything to me. But when my brother wakes up my mom is all over him! She is like hugging him and kissing him. It’s not fair! I dont know what to do.

  11. When your 18, break free. Work hard, make good grades, save your money when your old enough to get a job, Go to college, find your stride. and just unload on everybody. It’s not easy but at least you have a future. Keep striving

  12. Hi heather,
    Im a middle child and i also feel overlooked. I have an older brother and a younger sister.My brother thinks hes the boss of me and always tells me what to do and my sister for some reason always gets my in trouble on a daily basis.i always get in trouble even if it isn’t my fault. One time my brother and sister were fighting and i still got in trouble. I get the most chores in the house cuz my mom says that my brother isnt responsible enough cuz hes a boy and my sister is too young.(My sister is just 20 months younger than me and when i was her age i did a lot) The worst part is when my mom says my brother isn’t responsible enough, even though my brother got his 1st fone in 5th grade winter and i got mine in 6th grade late spring. This is because my mom said that since hes more responsible and hes a boy, he got a phone. (i know it doesn’t make since.) If only i was treated like everyone else.

  13. Yeah, I have had the same crap for some time now. I have an older brother, college bound, who’s 21 and a younger brother who’s 12. Where am I? 17. This is how it is: my older brother usually gets what he asks for, which is the car all of the time. Even when I’m supposed to drive around he just takes it without considering me half the time. My parents let it happen. They also seem to break promises sometimes, which to me is like…what the f***. But yeah. Another thing is girlfriends. 1st off, the way him and his girlfriend ended up together is just full of crap. Breakin up a friendship. Like really? Me..I just been a sweetheart and did what I thought was right but my parents seen it as wrong. The way he did, they don’t care really. I can see mine like once a week, and 6 hours out of a whole week is alot to them. He sees his every freakin day for like 5 hours and they don’t think its alot. And they use the “he’s a man, he’s 21 excuse” all the freakin time. I act more mature than him. Always. But…I just hope better comes out of this, because in all seriousness, I’m treated like I’m 10. I do all the chores and I do other things. The other two just sit around the house all the damn time and they don’t see it.

  14. I feel exactly the same way. One time my elder brother, my younger sister, I were flying to San Jose. My mom gave the ticket and passports to me and told me that if I lose them she’ll kill me. Then she gave all the cash to my brother who wouldn’t even let me buy a snack when I was hungry. I was 8 then and he was 16! There are numerous other stories like this in my life.

  15. Heather, you sound very mature for a 13-year-old girl, as exhibited by your writing quality and your assessment of your situation. Having been a middle child (I say having been, as I am now 37), I might suggest you consider these thoughts: is it possible your parents expect more of you because you are capable of it? and, though not right, they are somehow missing that you are still a child who wants to be validated and loved? is there a way you could talk to your parents about this at a time when things are calm (that is, no recent scuffle with your siblings?). Think about what you need and tell your parents how you feel. If they know how to help you, I am sure they will.

    I was also a high achiever and found that no matter what I did (no smoking, no drugs, perfect grades, chores done around the house), I always felt picked on or not supported (often independent of what my sisters did or did not have). Several years ago someone made this observation of me. The person said, “Susan, you do your best every day.” And I then filled in the blank. If I do my best everyday, then that is the best I can be and the best I can do. If it is not good enough for anyone else, I am OK with it (not that I won’t try to grow and try harder or learn more in the future) because I know the value of what I give when I give my best. Heather, know that you are giving your best. You deserve to be loved and feel supported. Find peace in your strengths and take opportunities to state your needs, ask for help, and help others all the same. The little sister I have (almost 7 years younger) ended up being my best friend starting in my late 20s. It may not be fair that your siblings and you are not treated the same, but please don’t gander that you are loved less. After many years of a hard relationship with one of my parents, I was told that though parents weren’t supposed to have favorites, I was the favorite and that was why this parent was harder on me. I was floored and never would have guessed this. In saying this, I don’t think being a favorite matters. Through your life you will be very special in some groups, peripheral in others, liked by some, not liked by others. The most important pieces are to have gratitude for what you have and find calm in who you are–just the way you are. Good luck to you, though I am certain you are going to have a very happy life!

  16. i know exactly how you feel. I also have an older sister and a younger bro. My sister’s 3 years older, my brother 1 and 1/2 years younger. I’m the only one who does chores, b/c they say my borhter’s too young and needs to learn, even though I’m not much older than him. I’m always labeled the perpetrator while my sis/bro are “my victims.”My parents do so much for my brother and sister even though I’ve done so much more than they have. I’ve taken more than 6 APs and plenty of honors classes(currently a 12th grader in HS) and won scholorships. Yet, the siblings get all the latest gadgets and the love and attention of my parents. I am jealous and I feel that no matter what i do, I’ll never get the love they have for my brother and sister. I’m often the odd one out and ganged up on. I guess that’s how it just is for middle child. But, there is a bright side. Im not sure if it applies to all, but I feel that our suffering and exposure to this injustice makes us stronger in the real world. I’m more independent and outgoing and I get the job done by myself. Things will get better, i hope…

    1. Mi grandma treats mi oldest sis better than me she tell me that she hate me n if I sai sum back she will slapp me n they will all laugh then wen mi oldest sis or
      mi younger bro or sis talk back they wont get im trouble the just have there wai n she be on hush mouth

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