Hey there! I’m Hailey and I’m a middle child 🙂
So.. you must be wondering, is Middle Child Syndrome real or not? Is it a real issue or just another made up condition for millenials? If you are a middle child yourself or a parent of a middle child, please read on!
What is Middle Child?
A middle child is someone who is born in between two or more siblings. Being born in the middle, as you’ll soon find out, is not that simple. The middle child, unlike the eldest or youngest child, does not get much attention. Middle children are also usually considered outcasts in their families and often develop a condition called Middle Child Syndrome.
What is Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle child syndrome is a condition in which children born in the middle experience feelings of emptiness, inadequacy and jealousy. It is also characterized by low self-esteem and extreme introversion, sometimes even leading to psychotic behavior.
The middle child, unlike the eldest child and the youngest child, is not given much attention. They have to go the extra mile just to get some of it. Middle children tend to be achievers because they need awards to be recognized by their parents. Sadly, this also goes the other way around, they can be very troublesome and determined to get noticed even if it means getting scolded at or punished.
Because they lack emotional support and guidance from their parents, they will always have a sense of low self-esteem. These feelings of emptiness and loneliness make them not very friendly and maybe even weird to other people. Most likely, these negative feelings will also stop them from pursuing what they want.
Other observable traits of middle children are insecurity and jealousy. Being raised in an environment where they have to compete for attention, it’s natural for them to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy of others. Seeing others easily get attention while they continue to strive for attention, these feelings of resentment towards others will continue to build up. All these repressed feelings of being unloved, unwanted or even hated can trigger an extreme case of middle child syndrome where they show psychotic behavior.
Possible Causes of Middle Child Syndrome
After discussing the common traits of people with middle child syndrome, we can find two main causes, identity crisis and lack of emotional support.
Identity crisis is very common to us all, and it’s something that we all experience at some point in our lives. Wanting to be different from everyone else is very normal and there’s not much we can do about it. The other cause is lack of support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others, often leading to even more problems such as drug abuse.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that middle children should be given the love and attention that they should have had when they were young, but I believe this will only make them more dependent on their parent’s approval.
There are also cases where middle children tend to separate from their family at a relatively early age to have families of their own. While having a new family means getting another chance, I do not think this is the best solution because escaping the past will not really resolve any childhood issues and these issues may haunt them for the rest of their lives.
The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome. While this may sound more like prevention rather than treatment, I think that it’s never too late for good and responsible parenting.
But this is just my opinion, what do you think? Comments are very much appreciated.
Feel free to join the discussion. We’d love to hear from you!
vincent
I am a middle child too. Have an older brother and a younger sister. I have a lot of worse experience of being a middle child. When I read your post I remember all the pain I felt before. And in this post it gives me a motivation to write my own blog and put all my stories in it. Thanks for sharing this one.
Michaela
Same my mom always talks to my sister (older) about everything they even talk in code around me. I feel like a total outsider! Also if I ask my mom a girly question she tells me to ask my sister and if I do she will get all mad at me and say it’s none of my business. My dad always talks about how fat I am compared to my brother and sister and tells me I need to exercise and that I need to be involved in sports but trust me I would if I could but it seems like they have no time for me and that I’m just a bother. And do any of you other middle children have the feeling that when they’re with you there not. Like my mom says I need to not be clingy and I spend enough time with her but really even if I am with her she won’t pay attention to me. She is always focused on something to do with
My sister and she always would keep secrets about my sister if my sister told her them but when I ask her not to say anything she yells at me qn
And tells her anyway! I want to scream! My brother and I are smart I’m smarter and I’m not saying that to be conceded but it’s true and my dad always basically says how much smarter he is then me! Come on! Everybody thinks they no what its like but nobody does please!! I love my parents to death and I… I don’t know I just need some advice please if you have any suggestions please email me! [email protected]
Angela D.
I am a middle child, but feel that I am one of those exceptions to the rule. Although I do exhibit some of the characteristics of the middle child personality, I attribute them to the asmospheric climate of my upbringings, not my birth order.
Daniel
hey,
I will agree that some things like feeling lonely or empty do come with the job of being the middle child. Ofcourse its tough for the middle kid because he or she is put in the awkward position but it is important to know that everyone has an essential role in a family including the middle child. I am the middle child too and i honestly like being in the middle. Its my little Switzerland haha but that doesn’t mean i just sit back and do nothing all the time. I have also learned to become wildly independent and thats gives me all the confidence I need. We are also coolest too 😛 haha jk
Asem
Yes , It’s a fact that this syndrome exists , but frankly this should only encourage you to be better & to give harder in order to prove that you can be a leader ,make the role of the eldest and the youngest , It’s not a matter of which one you came as much as it’s a matter of who did leave the most noticeable effect on other’s life.
You make your own self-esteem and you can make it to be a leader even if you are the most middle child , after all , Napoleon was a middle child and he almost conquer the world.
Jillian
i am a 19-year-old girl and i am a middle child of three (sister-21 and brother-17). i believe my older sister and younger brother just exaggerate the age roles. Since girls are usually the most responsible, my older sister is very much the leader and since boys are usually considered more reliant, my younger brother is treated like a child. It also doesnt help that we are all very close in age which means that we are always struggling for attention anyways.
i have a very strong case of middle child syndrome. it has made my life very difficult. i have always been in my sisters shadow and even at 19 am still struggling for attention. i am very lost in life. i get very good grades but i have no idea what i want to do with my life. both my sister and brother know exactly what they want to do and i just feel lost.
being a middle child has made me so strong and independent but i just wish i could have had a normal childhood. my mother still praises my sister over me and still treats my brother like he is a child. He has no real responsibilities because he is the “baby” and my mom just assumes i should do everything my sister has done. She doesnt understand how someone could possibly not want to live their life exactly like my sister lives hers. its frustrating. i just hope that i can find some direction and live my life more distant from my family. i love them but it will always be a struggle for me.
Patrick
I’m a the middle child in my family and I definitely have Middle Child Syndrome. My older brother is 21. He’s the smartest of us and the most mature. He’s ambitious, outgoing and he’s never afraid to voice his opinion.
My younger brother is a cocky, spoiled 14 year old kid. He wants to be an actor. He has a lot (A LOT) of friends and they all think he’s the shit. He’s definitely the loudest in the family. Both of my brothers have girlfriends.
Then there’s me. The quiet, lonely, single, 19 year old middle child. I have few friends, a lack of confidence, and I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder. I never have anything to contribute to conversations when I’m with my friends or during family events. I spend most of my time walking around my neighborhood by myself, or in my basement browsing the web for dumb things to laugh at.
When ever my dad’s talking to us about an up coming event with the extended family, he always said something like this: “So, we’re going up to the cousins’ for New Year Eve. BrotherA, bring your girl friend. BrotherC, bring your girl friend too. BrotherB…….yeah.”
Being a middle child sucks.
Middle Girl
Okay… I agree with many of the article’s points.
That said, as a middle child (eldest sibling is a sister, youngest is a brother) you just have to work harder, be honest, know what you can change and move past what you can’t change.
At 30 yrs old and reading this, I’m saddened by the number of children on here posting how miserable they are. My message to them – you will grow up! You will have a life! Make it what you want it to be!
Grace
I’m a 14-year-old middle child with an older sister and a younger brother. I swear this exists. My parents always favor my siblings. And the loss of identity? My older sister is as dumb as a post but beautiful. My brother is incredibly smart. I’ve always been equally pretty (not being concieted) and recently, equally smart. I feel like my identity as the “smart one” is taken away. I cry sometimes. Its hard and i feel like i have to be better at my siblings in everything just to feel loved. I want to scream I’M PRETTIER!! I’M SMARTER!! At least twice a week. Its torture.
Kaitlin
Hi,
im the middle child and my younger brother is spoiled rotten and gets away with everything. I also have an older sister and her and my mum talks to her about everything because she thinks she’s the only mature one. I really do have low self-esteem and feel lonely all the time. So i do has the middle child syndrome and it sucks.
:(
@angel. I know how u feel I really do! I’m 14 too and I have tried the cutting myself but as u said it doesn’t work I am crying tonight because of this I am a middle child of three girls my older sister is mean and dominant and my little sister is all cute infront of mum and dad and then she is idk just grrr that’s all I can really say as most middle children I have a low self of steam i get very jelious and I can’t have friends for very long because I’m either to sad and I feel I shouldn’t hurt them with my problems or that they get sick of
me and I want to be a actress but for that i need to move and I can’t my mum has said I can’t and i get very bad grades in school because I just can’t concerntrate and I know I will never live up to my sisters who are straight A students I have been bullied at school and have recently decided that i should just hide in the Libary all the time but I feel I’m to dumb to stupid to ugly to shy to mean (beside I feel I ant trust anyone so I just don’t talk to anyone anymore) to everything if u know a solution to this sindrome please comment and tell
me
🙁
Jeanna
I believe this syndrome is real. I was born as the middle child. My amazingly smart, talented, beautiful older sister, I look up to her. I am 24 and till this day she’s always there when I need her and always helps in out. I have my only brother, who is the only boy so he’s spoiled in every way. Finally I have my annoying, rude, over confident younger sister. I have never been able to find common sense as a child. Never knew my role, I was def the black sheep. I have had so many accomplishments in my life and still they are look by no one but my older sister and brother. Because of this, I have no relationship with my parents. I never felt loved as a child.
People say these are just results from abusive parenting, it’s not. I am a strong believer that this is real. My parents parenting skills were not bad. They raise 4 children, my older sister and I have finished college my younger brother is starting, My younger sister is a senior in HS. I have never been in drugs, I have never done anything bad in my life yet I am looked up as the black sheep. I had a very suicidal childhood. I had low self-esteem. I had a feeling of emptiness. And always lonely and are jealous of others. I always felt my sibling had more of an importance. I was always the one left behind that people forgot.
A memory that I hold close to me that hurts me every time I think of it was when my mother told me she should have had twins. When I was applying to college, I did not get accepted to the university that my sister attended. My parents were furious. They called me every name in the book. My mother than told me why couldn’t I be like the other kids, that I and stupid and will be like my other family and do nothing with my life. 6 years later, I have graduated from college with a Double bachelor’s in Computer Engineering and Applied and Computation Mathematics. I have just been offered a job working with one of the world’s largest engineering firm, that’s paying for me to get my Masters form MIT as an Electronic computing Engineer. My older sister received her bachelor’s in Sociology (not trying to say that’s bad) and she’s not doing anything with her life. My brother is a hoe, and my younger sister is pregnant.
This is not something that many people grow out of. You just have to find something that will help you. You need to find a getaway. As a child, my getaway was always school. I was a hard worker and never have fail at anything. At my house I was the dumb one that never spoke. At school I received awards and scholarship and grants. There is a picture of me hanging up in my HS. At home I feel like I’m nothing. School has been what helped me; I purposely used to find every excuse to stay after school so I wouldn’t go home. My problem was finding someone to take me home. Being away from my family is like heaven. I hate going back home because nothing has changes. While I’m away I have a role in people’s life, I’m actually able to make friends and I can actually live my life.
Dilshaad
Hello, My name is Dilshaad, I’m from South Africa. I am the middle child of three (3). I have an older sister of seventeen (17), and a younger brother of 9. I’m thirteen (13). I decided to look up this suject ecause of incidet that happened 2day. My sister asked me to do her hair for her as her arm was sore, so I agreed to do so. As i was separating her hair I touched her ear with my pinky. She shouted, “OUCH! That is sore!” so I said, “What did I do?”, She aswered “You hurt my ear!”. So I said that I arely touched her and that she was over reacting. We started to fight because of that. She didn’t disagree that I just touched her infact she sed that I was correct. She told me that she is so used to me eing violent with her. And then I realised am I always violent? So whilst I was thinking she told me that I am always nice to her ut when I am, i hurt her. So I realised that maybe when I just wat to give more love to others tha what they give to me. I thought that everyone is the same, but maybe I’m just a it different. My mom then called us both and started screaming at us…especially me! As always, my sister turned the whole story around. In other words, she made the truth into a lie. She told my mom that I’m always violent with her and that I am rude and that I don’t respect her. My mother didn’t let me have my say. And she obviously thought that my OLDER sister was correct. As I started to cry she shouted, “Are you crying?” So she threw me with a shoe. She told me that I should learn to respect others and that I am way to violent for a girl! I ran away (to my room) in TEARS. My father just came ack from work and called my name, he asked me what happened and I told him what happened. As I was speaking to him, my mother overheard me say, “I always get lamed for other peoples faults!”. She the said, “Your father wasn’t here to hear what happened!” and once again she threw me with a shoe. My ears were acting as ornaments for that moment of time. The only thing I could here was myself crying and struggling to breath. Then I heard a suddon breakout, “Go, Dilshaad go!”, said the voice of a tired mahn. Not only was he tired of work, he was tired of this nonsence.
I cried in my pillow which felt like the ocean. I felt as if my oppinion doesn’t matter, as if I didn’t have any point in living! As my sister, came into my room, I cood feel the tension in the room, I could see the guilt and regret in her eyes. As I heard my brother playing video games with his friend and laughing, I wished that I could be as free as him. And when I heard the music in my sister’s room I wished that I could do whatever I wanted to do, and can still have the reputation as being very independant and perfect. If they do anything wrong, it doesn’t really seem to matter, but as soon as I even attempt to do the slightest thing….
Well, you get the idea. Anyway, what my point was, is that the middle child gets blamed for what the eldest and the youngest sibling’s faults. And I never know what to be, if I should be a teenager or a kid. (that’s probably why middle children are always different) I guess we’ll never know!
Gianni Pascua
(If you have the time please read through) Hi! As with you guys, i too am a middle-child. My older brother is 21, i am 18, and i have 2 younger siblings which are about the same age.
Though we’re 4, im obviously the middle child. Why? My big brother is the oldest, so that’s a given. But my younger siblings who are almost of the same age basically get treated like theyre both the youngest!
Unlike some middle-children, Im confident. I have alot of friends, I can talk infront of large audiences.. But that’s because I taught myself to be strong. I had to be twice as strong as others because im a middle-child. Yes, even though I’m strong, I do KNOW that there is lack of attention when it comes to me. My Mom treats my older brother like a prince, because 1, he is the oldest and 2, he’s an engineer. My mom is also an engineer… My 2 younger siblings get alot of attention, theyre both swimming athletes, my mom pays alot for their lessons, they get new toys ALOT, they(older brother and 2 younger ones) gets new clothing items most of the time when we go to the mall(which is not often).. When i tell my mom to buy me stuff, she ALWAYS makes a swift change to a new topic(im breaking out in tears right now, haha..) It hurts alot.. Ive tried suicide twice in my life, with pill-overdose.. it both failed. I took it as a sign that God wants me to live longer and be stronger. But the pain pierces through me. Just recently my big brother got a nice cellphone. Of course im jealous.
Whenever we go out, my mom asks me, why am I wearing flip-flops, and i just shrug it and say “that’s what’s common now :)” but little does she know that I only have 1 pair of shoes left and they barely fit me.. I always remind myself that “I’m too good for this. I need to be stronger”.. but ive been strong for too long.. I dont know how i can keep up. I’ve opened up about this with my friends and none of them understood me because they were all given sufficient love and care(but they were there for me).. The point is, i dont want money, i want money to be spent on me, i want time to be spent on me, i want to feel that im WORTH being bought a pair of shoes.. a t-shirt.. anything..
I would often steal money from her, but i never tell her. I KNOW that she knows it’s me, but she can’t stop me because she herself knows she lacks giving me attention. It’s guilt. Because if she doesnt want to spend on me, then damn I would want to spend money on me. I would like to make me feel loved. It’s always myself. I am my own repairing station. I am my own shoulder to lean on. I am my own sponge to the tears.
When i think about it, what if my mom asks me about this and what could she do? Should she buy me anything I want?.. the answer is no.. because i believe there is no way in fixing what has been done. For years my only family is myself and God. What can be done? To be honest, i dont know. Because IF she wants to spend money on me now, I will perceive it as she’s just sucking up, without any genuine feelings.
MY TIP TO CHILDREN LIKE ME(read this, i hope it helps) : be strong. how? do not think about it. Smile. Say to yourself “i have to be strong for myself”. Make yourself in-charge. DONT PITY YOURSELF. Contemplate… Just because your parents are not giving time to you, doesnt mean you should be weak. Stay strong.:)
Allen
Wow, those descriptions are very correct in describing me. I became a loner because I was always lonely. I always felt I am damned if I do and damned if i dont. I am usually depressed. i also got hooked on narcotic pain pills after a back surgery. I got help for myself finally and am on the road to curing that. I have one son, and he is the main reason i never went thru with suicide, Thank God. I am 35 yrs old and confronted my parents with how I felt a few years ago. They apologized, but I sense they just told me what I want to hear. i think that in their minds I wasn’t treated worse than my older sister and younger brother.
jayman
wow i seem to posses all of the traits listed above, and i am a middle child, it is like this study was done on my personal life. however i try to overcome all my symptoms, i’ve even created different personalities to handle this.
Tracy
Hi Liza,
Your situation sounds exactly like mine. I have 7mth old, 2.5 year old and 4.5 year old. My 2.5 also turns a peaceful room into chaos and i too feel i don’t know what to do with her. What sort of things does your middle child do? Mine acts out a lot she is so disruptive at home always annoys my oldest child and does really naughty things to get my attention. I am a very patient Mum but this child really pushes my buttons every day i try as much as i can to spend one on one time with her when my oldest is at kindy and my youngest is sleeping. I have heard that making comparisons is not good and i am going to try and help her find her own special interest that she likes doing, at the moment she enjoys riding her trike and catching a ball so i fit time in the day to do that with her.
Sophia
This is completely true for me. The older siblings get all the good stuff, and the younger siblings get all the attention. Older siblings have the parents all to themselves until the next child is born. They get the bigger rooms, the babysitting jobs (or at least in my family, I’m 13 and she’s 15). My mom calls my older sister her “friend”. My younger sister gets attention, and it feels the family is revolved around her. I feel lonely and depressed all the time. My sisters are mean to me. And to top it all off, we moved 2 months ago and they both have made friends, but I haven’t. I’ve tried so hard! Until recently, I didn’t know other middle-children felt like this! I just feel like my other sisters have a bond with my mom that I don’t have. Our neighbor came over the other day, and my mom described me as the one who’s “always in her room on the computer”. I am not in fact, and most of the time I am reading, not on the computer. The computer is basically my social life!!! And, lately, I’m finding it hard to talk. I wish I could tell my mom about this, but she would just start talking about how I don’t do any chores (which I do) and how she just bought me new shoes (I grew out of all of them, only had flipflops left! And I had to pull a bunch of weeds for them!). I hate being the middle-child and I’d do anything to be either of my sisters.
Louise
I’m the middle child of 5 children. I don’t feel like I belong at home; I feel very lonely and very empty inside. However, I don’t feel as though I belong at school either. I cut class a lot because I’m depressed. My grades aren’t the greatest due to my attendance record; I mention this because I’ve noticed that most of you say you are (or were) straight A students. I’m very smart; but I feel hopeless. My family doesn’t seem to know anything about me and it’s the same with the kids at school; they’re all so shallow…Does anyone else feel as though they don’t belong anywhere besides just at home? Any advice?
Mirabelle
This is so true !My parents have three girls and obviously im the middle child. My mum’s favourite is my elder sister and my dad’s favourite is my little sister. But , so what ? i got my grandmother’s biggest share of love ! I LOVE MY GRANDMOTHERRR 😀
fahmish
i am i middle child. i’m 13 years old. Think about it.TEN. I feel that my mom buys EVERYTHING for my little sister and big sister! Like yesterday when we were at walmart i asked for a pack of nail polish,and my mom said i was to young for that, but she gave it to my LITTLE sister because ‘she needs to experience life’BULLSHIT MAN! IM 10?DON’T I NEED TO “EXPERIENCE” LIFE TO???????? And then she gave my sister her FAVORITE lipgloss but i couldn’t have a basket ball (it’s my favorite sport)
And last week my boyfriend broke up with me…and my mom just told me to get over it…in a harsh tone.It wasn’t really a get over it,it was more of a GET OVER IT! Same with dad. see my problem?
anonymous dude
This is so true. I’m a victim of it too.
jafal
middle children might also think no body uderstands ho they feel or they might feel as though no one noght not uderstand the things they do
Driya
The middle childl syndrome has been both a blessing and a curse for me. One one hand I used to be emotionally distressed as a child to the point of therapy at the age of 7. I was very quiet and mean and very depressed, scared and felt alone. But if you are a strong person, like myself, you learn how to become in tune with yourself and deal with the issues. I now am smarter and way more independent than both my older and younger sisters because I had to fend for myself and I know how to handle my emotions in a healthy manner and not fall apart at the first sign of trouble!
Bryce
Hi I’m 13 now and I am a middle child. My older brother is 14 and my little sister is 11. I hav always been the odd one out. My brother is he first to do something and my sister is the last so I’m just left out. I try my hardest in school and although I’m only 13 I am workin at B grade on most of my subject. I never get any praise or attention from my parents. For example when I designed and created a tank made of wood in school for a six week project I bring it home and my mum calls it crap and threw it in the bin. But when my sister bring bak a 2 week more or less already made wooden box, it is put on the fireplace and treated like a piece of art. Eventough my siblings get everthing they ask I am just left here eg my brother is at boxing and my sister is at horse riding. I have asked many times if I can start brimming but my parents cast it aside and ignore me. I hav tried to tell my parents about how I feel numerous times and hav even tried to connect with them by making them breakfasts and using my own money to buy them phones and iPods at Christmas. I hav thought about suicide once or twice but hav never been able to go through with it. I am a very sociable person with many friends and I get on very well with people. I am the naughty one in my family, i fight continuously with my brother and I am always cheeky and don’t listen, I believe I do this for the atetion I never got. it has. Been really good to read about other people who feel the same way as I do. Unfortunately some of these talking about god being their saviour and that without him they would hav taken their own lives, this is bad as I am an atheist and have always believed in the big bang theory
M. Bostlund
This isn’t middle child syndrome. It’s abusive parenting, by people who should never have had children. The reason the middle child is getting the most crap, if true, is because the eldest child is useful and the youngest child is too small to beat. Time after time bad parents, people with severe emotional problems or character disorders who should NEVER have been parents, pick the scapegoat child and then let the family–and the world–have at ’em. It is child abuse. It is wrong. by mistreating this child and damaging their ego and self esteem, they create a lifelong slave….one they expect to stay in the home forever and do their crap work and take care of them when they are old. This is massively abusive and extremely sick. Don’t fall for it. Get a therapist, a good one. Start talking often to your school counselor. Most have sliding scale rates so you can afford one. Work on your inner strength. Get some books on narcisstic personality disorder (your parents) and on other pertinent psychological issues…there are some great self-help books out there to help you feel understood and not alone and to explain your family dynamics to you. Try M. Scott Peck. his book People of the Lie saved my life. Go to college….anyone can go to college if they have decent grades, and most can go to college even without them, if they look around. Go to a junior college, speak to a school counselor. Get a path, get a direction, get away from your family and your parents…then get a life! To hell with them. As a child, you are in many ways helpless, but hang in there. After the age of 18, the world is your oyster. Leave and don’t look back. There is no law that says you ahve to keep your parents in your life. Find new parents, good ones, sane ones, then love them instead of the ones you were given in the Lottery of Life. It was an accident to be born to them. You owe them nothing except for what they have earned in their proper treatment of you and their responsible parenting of you. If they failed, if they were intentionally cruel or abusive, walk on and dont look back. Create for yourself a new life, a new family, and a future entirely your own–one full of people who love and appreciate you, work you enjoy and earn a good living from, love and happiness. It is all possible, but it is not too early to start, even if you are in grade school. Try different things. Find some adult who is decent, in school, in a church, a therapist, someone. Be careful, though because there are other adults out there who will prey on a child with low self esteem. Be smart. Be strong. Don’t let ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, cut you down. Someday you will get enough distance on your situation to look back and see how they manipulated you and tried to make themselves look big and important and you like nothing, when in reality just the opposite was true…they were tiny little brainless cruel and ignorant twits. And you became kind and wise and successful and HAPPY despite the misfortune of being born into a family of idiots. Off you go! Enjoy your life!
Mom of 3
This is for Angel, I feel very sad for you. Please talk to your parents about how you are feeling. Let them know how it hurts you. I have a middle child, and she always seems so sad. I try anf talk to her and ask her what is wrong, she is 9, but she doesn’t really give me any feed back. You sound like a very intelligent young lady who has much to offer a world like this. Maybe you will grow up to help children feel self worth, and teach from your experiences. I hope this finds you well, and I hope things get better for you. Good luck to all he middle children…especially mine…
merranda
I’m the middle child of 3 my parents are always paying attion to my sister and brother I’m very loney felt unloved a lot of the things they discribed! I joined boxing to get attion and to help me controll my anger and my brother saw I was finally gettin attion so he joined too! My parnets now pay attion to him and him fighting I have won all my fights and every time I get done my dad or mom always tell me what I did wrong I wasn’t that good or something to make me feel bad! I’m 13 and have already thought about killing my self because of this. I go any were to get out of my house away from my parents I’ve tryed to get my moms friend to let me live with her and she even says its stupid how I’m treated. I really do wish my mother had never brought me into this world. She told me if my older brother hadn’t died I wouldn’t be here. My parents always make me feel like I can’t do any thing good I’m a straight a student and my sister and brother get stuff for getting d and fs and I don’t get any thing. My life straight up sucks I have no one to talk to I sit in my room and cry because I see how my family loves each other but not me. I’m useless to them when I get a good job I’m leaveing and never comeing back I told. My dad that one day and he said okay sounds good go for it I have rean away 4 or 5 times and they always say go for it or never try to look for me. My pets are probably they only things I have that love me. Why does my life have to be like this? My sister use to beat me like I was a slave my parnts never belived me she has staped me in the head with a pen and said I did it to my self she left bruses on me all the time one day my mom ask were I got it from I told her maddy (my sister)and she said stop lieing . I’m 13 and already have 2 jobs because my dad or mom will never give me money so I suport my slef half the time. I do belive in the middle child stuff I really do wish I wasn’t the middle child it sucks!
Beatrice
My name is Beatrice, I am eleven years old and I belong to a family of three children. My bigger sister gets all the privileges, such as a $100 pair of boots and I only get a pair of $25 pair of boots. Whereas my little brother gets all the love and attention as he is the ‘baby’ of the family. :/
Syd
I’m going to be 16 and i am the middle child of three as well. I go through all of the stuff in the article, but i am still a straight A student and am still trying to gain my career of being a Jockey………My mom treats me like a maid, so i try to keep my schedule juggled between all of the housework, school, and my social life. She makes the excuse that as soon as she had 3 children she couldnt handle cleaning up after them. I love my younger sis and older bro dearly, but they are 12 and 18, and neither of them even try to pitch in with the housework. My sis doesnt do anything but play video games and complain, my bro is the same, but they dont do crap. My boyfriend is always wanting to hang out over the summer, but my mom says that we are too attached to each other………my bro and sis get to see their boyfriend and girlfriend at least 3 times a week while i settle for once every 2 weeks. I know that its not right to complain about my parents and siblings…..but i cant help it. Even my friends see my depression when i am trying my hardest to hide it.
tracey
I had a lonely, painful and upsetting upbringing as well, especially when my mum and dad broke up. The advise i can give to all the middle children out there is, as soon as you realise this problem, weather or not you are still living with your parent, live your life, surround yourself with people that appreciate you and speak out about your feelings, enjoy your life, live for you and not for anyone else. Make your opinions heard and be confident, dont let no one push you around. Every child is special, beautiful in your own way and there is nothing wrong with you. Dream big and do whatever it takes to achieve your dreams, and those people that didn’t want to know about you then will not have a choice. Everyone is special, is situations that turn some people into making bad choices. Make good choices and follow great examples, not the bad ones. Treat everyone equally, the same way you will like to be treated. Dont dwell on bad experiences, move on with your live and make sure you love your children equally because it is what the parents sow in the life of the child will determine the sought of person the child will become. lay a great foundation for your children, dont be a lazy mother or father. Lazyness will make you poor and make your children suffer the consequencies. Love you all
Nikki
I was born in the middle of two sisters. I have had a lonely life. I am 60 now. I started doing drugs as a youth to try to change the way I felt inside. I only got relief when I found Christ. I have to spend time in prayer to keep those feelings at bay. I would have committed suicide by now without Him.
Mailia
Im the middle child of 9 kids. The oldest one is like a bum, who just drives but can’t really do crap and the youngest one is the spoiled one. It is true that I feel unloved and all that I do goes unappreciated. Everytime there is something that goes wrong, my name was always brought up as the first suspect. Like it or not, I would get hit for my other sibling’s actions when I was a younger teenager. Today, I get yelled at instead. My parents always tell me to do the chores but let everyone sit like the queen and king. I am not going to say that they don’t love me….but sometimes…I wish their love would be called “fair love” or “equal love”. Why have me if they are not going to love me to the fullest? I am strong-willed and more charisamatic than all my siblings. But that’s not enough to get my parent’s attention….if this middle syndrom is true..I feel like I should give up trying for their attention. God is my Father who gives me trials to strengthen me up…but why the middle child? I wish I can be anything but the middle child….
Whitney
I’m a middle child and I feel exactly like all u described and whenever I talk about How I feel nothing is ever done. In my family no one ever listens to me
Ryan
LIZA: Have you ever had just a mother daughter day with out the other kids?As middle child my self i can understand why she feels the need to enter the room and be the center of attention,but with that i would enter a room with people and try to be funny or entertaining.I was young so i dont really know if it was rude or made things stressful,but i dont recall my mom ever pulling me aside to tell me to stop or never do that again sort of thing.I have loving parents to this day i know you want to be fair to all your children,but no matter how good they were to me i always felt i was getting the short end of the stick ie:older brother gets to stay out late,why cant i(he was 1 and a half years older,younger sis 3 years younger).Why does younger sis get her own room?Looking back now as i wrote on the comment above i was being selfish and not old enough to understand,but my parents stood by their ways and raised 3 self sufficent healthy kids.So good luck ,the road for the middle child is tuff even with the best parents in the world. Be fair,love them equally and they will all grow up and understand later in life.
Regine
OH NO…I’m a middle child, and all of the syndromes above describes who I am now…to make it worse, I’m the introvert kind…
Liza
I’m reading this b/c I am a parent to 3 children, 2,4 and 6. My kids are pretty much your “typical” birth order description…the oldest is strong, funny, confident…a real leader and pleaser. Our “baby” is happy, busy and a true joy. My middle child is the most challenging kid I’ve ever met. I’m perfectly willing to accept some part of the responsibility as I am her mom, but she came out of me as a difficult child. She can walk into a peaceful room and make it stressful in 5 minutes. My question to the hard done by middle children who feel that they are unloved is…”what’s your part?” Parents are only human and there has to be something good. My daughter has very little that begs affection. She pushes every button and is so negative and jealous and annoying that you’d have to be a saint to parent her..and I’m not.
I love my kids…all of them…I want to protect them from harm…I just don’t know what to do with our middle one. I’ve read books, gotten counseling..I feel like she could be ruining our family….and I feel like I”m ruining her…she’s only 4 so I’m sure we can fix this….I just need advice on how to help. I stay home…I am involved with her…she gets attention from me…but she pushes me away. I”m sure I”m going to get a ton of slack for this but it would be great it another mother acknowledged some form of empathy and we could help each other figure out how to do what’s best for our middle kids..
Kay
I’m also a middle child I have an older sister and younger brother. I’m in my 50’s and it still bothers me the way I was treated. I was never smart enough, pretty enough or thin enough for my mother and being told that you really do belive it. I was hit everyday by either my mom or dad. My dad is elderly and I was taking care of him until my baby brother left his wife and moved in with my dad, Now my dad wants nothing to do with me. So now to keep sane I call my dad and only see him a few times a year. The truth is I was the only one who respected my parents too bad they couldnt see it!
andrew
I’m 18 years old and I’m the middle child of 3. I found this article very true. Being the middle child sucks. I’ve been in a lot of family fights and school fights. I’m done with this bullshit being the middle child sucks so much. I get no attention the only time I got attention was when I was In the hospital. I’m done.
Liz
This is totally true …. Growing up I was always the forgotten about child, my mother always sided with my older brother in everything that he has done. My little brother and I have learned to bond and have become a lot closer because we can see how our Older brother is treated completely different then the two of us. He can wrap our mom around his finger who knows how and plays her like a fiddle. He beat the crap out of me and was never punished growing up, however if I tried to defend myself then I would get in trouble. I guess I always my moms approval and still search for it because of how I never received it as a kid or ignored when I was searching for it. I have now learned that I don’t need the approval of my mom and can move on. With my dad traveling all the time as we were growing up I was not allowed to talk to him about what was going on because I couldn’t put the stress on him. He now tells me to forget about what has happened. However I have always though you can’t ever forget but possibly forgive. I just wish I had more support growing up because then I may be more willing to forgive now. However if you have no support growing up with things that you do how can you forgive someone to move on if they were never in your corner to start. Hopefully things can change in the future, however right now I have to love and cherish everyone in my life who has shown me nothing but support with everything that I do.
Janel Smith
My sister is the middle child of our family. She claims that she was treated badly because she was one. She’s 27 and still lives at home with my parents. My parents pay thousands of dollars for her medical premiums and thousands of dollars for her college education. My sister told me several years back, it was my fault she was seeing a psychologist. How can one person have so much “power” over another? She gets mad at me when I talk about my accomplishments even though nothing was handed to me and I had to earn everything I have. I have become my sister’s scapegoat. When things go wrong in her life, it’s much easier for her to point her finger at me instead of tackling the real problem at hand.
Jared
It very much exists, and the only ones who are going to understand are other people who have the same problem. I’m 15, and so far I’m tired of taking shit from my dad, and i get zero support in my interests.
Mrs. K. Smith
Could someone please put me in contact with the person name Cierra on this page. She just described my 10 year old daughter to a tee.
I really want to be a better parent to her. Sometimes I feel like I fuss at her too much.
Cierra…Pleeease can you help me. How did your parents help you. Or how were you raised?
My daughter is loving and kind. She likes to be friendly all the time. I call her “Care Bear”. She is all the things that you described about yourself. Especially the clumsy part…….but all the parts are so so true.
Please contact me if you would not mind. Just leave a message on this cite and I’ll send you my e-mail.
Thank you so much
Charl
My “Middle” child is 10 years old and I am a mother of 4, I had jeard of middle child syndrome, still don’t understand it much but my daughter is definately showing the “symptoms” of it! Everything I do seems to be wrong in her eyes! Please Help! Any advise?
TR
I was the middle child as well, I am in my 30’s now, but I will never forget the way I was made to feel growing up. My older sibling could do no wrong, and was the obvious favorite. When my youngest sibling was born (there was three of us), all focus turned to him. While my older sister took the role as surregate parent when my parents were at work or running an errand, I was always treated like I would hurt or somehow “break” the baby if I got too close. The youngest is 10 years younger (big age difference). So all attention was on the high praise of the oldest, how great a job she was doing with the baby, and how responsible she is—-and on the baby (the youngest), of course. I was always out of place and forgotten. When I was addressed, it was in regards to “something” I did wrong, and my mom and sister “always” talked about me behind my back. Did they want me to hear them? I don’t know, but they certainly did it out in the open all the time. This went on for my entire childhood. I was the “bad” child, the one who could do nothing right, and was a burden. I always had low self-esteem and was not the best in social situations. As many above have stated, I tried to kill myself many times as a teenager. As I’ve gotten to be an adult, I am glad that I was not sucessful in my suicide attempts, as I have so much to live for, I just had to be out of my family’s house to realize that! I know have a daughter, who is nine, and I always tell her everyday how much I love, like, and admire her. I remember all the days growing up feeling unloved, and I am determined to “never” be like that. I am not perfect, but my daughter will “always” know she is wanted!
Carole
I am a 46-year old middle child. I experienced (and still do) all of the negative feelings that most of you have. It is only with the high doses of antidepressants and antipsychotics that I can function. Since first grade, I had wanted to kill myself. I even went so far as to try choking myself to death (with my own hands), but never thought about the fact that if I did pass out, I would start breathing again. Needless to say, it was a failed attempt. There were other attempts – two in my early teens, and then into adulthood.
As a child, from as long as I can remember, I was abused mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. My other two sisters didn’t have any of that. I never could figure out why my mother seemed to take out everyone’s problems on me, and why she would beat me with a paddle every day. One day, I opened a door to a room to walk through. She was on the other side, and she immediately slapped me in the face. Shocked, I asked her why she did that. She said she didn’t like the look on my face. The other abuse was equally as senseless.
My parents were hard-core Southern Baptist, and in the late 70’s were a part of the book and record burning crowd. They came into my room and took all of my books (and I loved them all as reading was my only escape), what little records I had, and my only poster. (It was a rock star, and rock music was “of the devil”.) They burned them all in a barrel in the front yard. Then, they would come into my room every night and pray to “cast the demons” out of me. I was 12 when they started it, and they continued until I was 18 and left home.
I was always depressed and lonely. I was a little weird and geeky and had only two friends throughout junior high and high school. I felt empty and worthless, and that I was unloved. I still believe that my parents didn’t love me or even like me. If it weren’t for my grandparents’ support, I wouldn’t have survived my childhood and teen years.
My heart goes out to all of you who are abused, unwanted, unloved middle children. It hurts. At 46, and on medication, I have learned to block it out. I don’t think there’s any “resolving” it. It’s too painful to live with. It’s painful just reading the posts here and to write one myself.
I now have a wonderful husband (after two others prior) that loves me unconditionally and understands how I grew up and how it has shaped me into what I am. I have 3 good children that I need to remember. I no longer think several times a day every day about doing myself in. I have others to think about. And they love me. At last, someone does.
tamara
im,30 and im a middle child too and i hate it i think that my mom is a moron she treates me more like a maid then one of her children she always encurages my other sisters and my little brother when there is something they want to do wether it be a new hair style or anything else new that they want to try but if i want to try something different it ‘s your not smart enough or you would not look right with that hair style or you can’t handel that not only that my also mom thinks that my education should just stop at high school and just forget about college and just get a lousy job and just strugel for what i want for the rest of my life and marry some loser and be happy with that and for my sisters and my little brothers she wants their education to go futher beyond high school and get a very good job while i be stuck with some lousy low paying job cleaning up after people and serving people my mom treats me like im stupid she acts like i don’t anything but how much bread we have left or is there any ketchup here like i really keep track of that or really care about that i try to save money for my application fee and a laptop because i plan to go back to school but’it’s hard to do that because my mom is steady constenley ponting out items and other things that i need to shell out money for like personal and hair care items it’s like she is trying to stop me from trying to go to school however she does not try to do this with my other siblings as for visablity im just there noughting else and when i mention going back to school she trys to ignore it the only time i did get attetion was when i had to clean up the kitchen or take the clothes of the line or do some stupid chore also when i was home i recived chores as soon as i woke up did my siblings recevied chores as soon as they woke up? no my mom brags on my siblings so much that my ears hurt and when ever i point out something she does or say to me is wrong she suddenley gets a headache being the middle child sucks big time no matter what you do it’s wrong you get no suport and people who know you and your siblings treat your siblings like royalty ,and you like some bumbling idiot
Rich
Michelle,
Do the siblings know about the stealing? Do you know for sure it is your middle son? It is important to consider the possibility of at least one of your other sons commiting the theft whilst expecting him to take the fall. If so, those “confessions” may have been coerced by you. Just a thought, to explore all possibilities. Also, if he is doing this for attention, then you must praise him for his positive abilities in front of his siblings, even if they don’t like it, and do it often. You don’t want him to start slacking in school for attention, or getting arrested, etc.
Hailey
Hi Michelle, your child’s actions are indeed alarming and he is definitely doing it for attention. Being the middle child in a family can be very tough, he tries to be very competitive just to be noticed. But fortunately, he is still 9 yrs old, which means that it can be treated properly. For now, I suggest spending enough time with him, do not show much favoritism(it is unavoidable), and try to provide positive reinforcements whenever he achieves something. I would also recommend reading parenting books, they have a lot of wonderful activities and facts in there.
michelle
i have 3 boys, ages 12, 9 & 3. my 9 yr old has started stealing money in the house, and when he gets caught, he lies about it. it takes me a bit but i eventually get him 2 tell me the truth. i’ve heard of middle child syndrome, but dont know much about it. zach is my 9 yr olds name. he gets straight A’s and is on the honor roll, he’s good at pretty much any sport and he is the most dedicated/determined person i have ever seen. the stealing has gotten progressivly worse. it went from a couple dollars here & there, to larger amounts. i was talking 2 a friend who suggested that he could be doing it 4 attention. which actually makes sense. it’s just me and my 3 boys, and i have tried everything 2 get him 2 stop. any advice would b helpful.
Angel
I truly do feel like I am worthless in this life. I’ve brought up my feelings to my mother and she tells me she divides her love evenly. BS! I have an older brother (17 in a month), and a younger sister (9). I used to be close with my brother, now all he wants to do is basically party. My sister is honor roll and does bad stuff behind my mom’s back. When I bring that up to my parents it’s always “That’s something you would do!” But they don’t understand with having two older siblings she learns her qualities from us and she is so mature for her age. Like today, silly little remark but this is what happened: my sister cleaned out the freezer and put icie pops at the bottom. Of course the ice cream cartons punctured the pops, and it leaked all over the floor. My mom wakes me up early to tell me that it was all my fault and that I should clean it up. I swore to god that I didn’t do it, but she just said “you’re only swearing to god cause you don’t want t0 do anything!!” and then when I got my sister into it, she did the silent treatment. So guess who had to clean it up?! ME. And then I overheard my parents calling me an idiot, which I know she probably didn’t mean the way it went, but I was held back last year because I was sick most of the year and I fell behind on alot of things. It’s not easy going to school and having more stuff put on you from my past. So when my mother called me that I felt like an idiot and worthless.
I have no idea what I ever did to her. Today’s mother’s day as well. OH JOY!
My other siblings are favored like crazy. My mom wouldn’t know because both of my parents are the first born and only have a younger sibling that is much younger then them. Like a seven year – eight year difference like my brother and my sister.
I am depressed. I’m not gonna lie. I have no self esteem. I feel lonely and I have bad mood swings and I’m really sensitive to the stuff my mom says to me because I take it to heart and she just doesn’t understand. No one understands. I’m only fourteen and I think my mom hates me and I’ve already tried to feel the pain from with in by cutting myself. I don’t do it anymore because it doesn’t solve anything. But in my home I’m just “her…” Nothing more.
Rich
I’m 29 years old and the middle of three males each about one year apart. I have completely disowned my former family. I don’t accept communications from them or anyone who associates with them including non-nuclear family members like cousins and aunts. Most of the outside family members noticed the abuse but none ever truly stood up for me when it mattered, they only pretended to after all was said and done. The elder sibling manipulated both parents in such a way that he would often pretend to cry or otherwise throw a fit in order to get his way which always included either something being taken from me, or me being removed from my place of being, or having me beaten severely. The younger sibling was protected from the elder’s parental manipulation because he himself was a manipulator of the mother as he would often prey on her maternal instincts by acting like helpless baby even well into his elder years. Since both parents were abusively favoring the elder sibling and the mother would undyingly protect the helpless baby, it was easiest for all of them to take their abuses out on me. I was stronger and smarter than both siblings and they knew it, so they often allied with each other to manipulate the parents and plot against me to cause me further of the aforementioned abuses. When I was a child I often thought about and even planned to kill my parents because of the emotional and physical abuse. I had zero self confidence throughout all my school years. The father refused to skip me two grades as recommended and preferred by my kindergarten, first, and second grade teachers because it would have bruised the elder sibling’s ego. I almost completely aced exams and never did homework. The ensuing boredom with remedial school work combined with a total lack of self-esteem caused me to nearly drop out of high school. I was only saved by a sympathetic counselor who really cared about me. I eventually stopped wanting to kill the parents and wanted to kill myself instead. I tried to several times with overdoses of medications and hard drugs. For years I escaped with hard drugs, alcohol, gang-like activity, sex, partying, anything. I eventually moved to a different city and cut ties with all of those morons to start a new life. Today I’m earning a six figure salary in technology without a college degree and I recently married a beautiful and professional woman who happens to be an attorney. I’m working on my own software startup soon and because of my lack of ego and lack of selfishness I am able to read others extremely well and I know what they want. I will achieve great success because unlike my former family members, I don’t spend my life with my head stuck where the sun doesn’t shine. Anyhow, I love you all and please feel free to reply or ask me any questions. I’m tired, good night!
Cierra
I may also be described as funny, I love it when I make people laugh, it’s one of the greatest feelings ever. In my family, I am kind of a moody, loud and energetic kid. My dream day is sleeping in, going outside in the sun on a nice, warm, fresh day and doing cartwheels in the grass, and spending some time outside, then coming in around dinner time and using the computer for about an hour, and then playing board games with the fam, then going to bed. Ahhhhhh 🙂
Cierra
I am a middle child and faintly experienced this syndrome. I used to lack in confidence but now it’s obvious that I am pretty confident in myself most of the time. My older sibling definitely is a big leader and doesn’t take crap from anyone, while my younger sibling is the most loud and I am more of an intrevert, I just prefer to be at home with family and relax and maybe do homework rather than party out. That sounds pretty anti-social but I’m definitely not. I love being with friends and other people. Friends would probably describe me as: a daydreamer, NOT a morning person, energetic after mornings, clumsy, slow, oblivious, kind and caring, random, different, occasionally a little quiet.
Ryan
Well i am a middle child with an older brother,younger sister.I am sure that in some cases the above eval may be true, but in my case being the middle child has been a blessing.Some studies show the traits of middle children to be smarter and more willing to do things on their own than their sibblings.Also studies show that middle children seek attention more, and in my case i have more freinds than my brother or sister.I had the chance many time to do drugs,but i chose not to.I blamed “middle child” when things didnt go my way,but looking back on those situations i was just looking for blame instead of accepting it.Just put God first and if your past is/was so bad than do everything you can to make the future a better place for yourself.Just my thoughts.
Ben
WOW! that description fits be to a tee. I have always felt alone and depressed because I have never fit in no matter what I do. It has gotten so bad that I have attempted to take my life numerous times. As I get older the depression and loneliness worsens, and @valma (comment above) sometimes you can’t get used to it. I have been on different meds and nothing. My parents loved me only because I am their child but nothing more than that. I am ignored and overlooked in every aspect of my life. The only positive thing in my life now is my relationship with God. At least HE wants me.
Christina
I too was a middle child. Im 50 now and Im seeing the syndrome, however…with God… anything is possible! I was a drug addict for 2 years and fixed myself with the help of God. My parents were great..My brothers and sisters were great. Im not sure that being the middle child caused my drug use…but as long as thats over…I dont look back.
Thank You Lord for bringing me into this world!
jan
i’m the middle child of 3 girls and i’ve had a terrible life because of it i believe this syndrome very much exists.i feel very worthless and empty and have done all my life i am 44 now. people don’t take this seriously but unless u’ve been there like anything i guess u do not no or understand.
Nikki Dan Macam
i’m nikki, 17 and i’m a boy, i’m the middle child of our family, i always lonely, and i like more to be in the school than in our house.
valma
well you learn to get over it eventually