Hey there! I’m Hailey and I’m a middle child 🙂
So.. you must be wondering, is Middle Child Syndrome real or not? Is it a real issue or just another made up condition for millenials? If you are a middle child yourself or a parent of a middle child, please read on!
What is Middle Child?
A middle child is someone who is born in between two or more siblings. Being born in the middle, as you’ll soon find out, is not that simple. The middle child, unlike the eldest or youngest child, does not get much attention. Middle children are also usually considered outcasts in their families and often develop a condition called Middle Child Syndrome.
What is Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle child syndrome is a condition in which children born in the middle experience feelings of emptiness, inadequacy and jealousy. It is also characterized by low self-esteem and extreme introversion, sometimes even leading to psychotic behavior.
The middle child, unlike the eldest child and the youngest child, is not given much attention. They have to go the extra mile just to get some of it. Middle children tend to be achievers because they need awards to be recognized by their parents. Sadly, this also goes the other way around, they can be very troublesome and determined to get noticed even if it means getting scolded at or punished.
Because they lack emotional support and guidance from their parents, they will always have a sense of low self-esteem. These feelings of emptiness and loneliness make them not very friendly and maybe even weird to other people. Most likely, these negative feelings will also stop them from pursuing what they want.
Other observable traits of middle children are insecurity and jealousy. Being raised in an environment where they have to compete for attention, it’s natural for them to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy of others. Seeing others easily get attention while they continue to strive for attention, these feelings of resentment towards others will continue to build up. All these repressed feelings of being unloved, unwanted or even hated can trigger an extreme case of middle child syndrome where they show psychotic behavior.
Possible Causes of Middle Child Syndrome
After discussing the common traits of people with middle child syndrome, we can find two main causes, identity crisis and lack of emotional support.
Identity crisis is very common to us all, and it’s something that we all experience at some point in our lives. Wanting to be different from everyone else is very normal and there’s not much we can do about it. The other cause is lack of support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others, often leading to even more problems such as drug abuse.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that middle children should be given the love and attention that they should have had when they were young, but I believe this will only make them more dependent on their parent’s approval.
There are also cases where middle children tend to separate from their family at a relatively early age to have families of their own. While having a new family means getting another chance, I do not think this is the best solution because escaping the past will not really resolve any childhood issues and these issues may haunt them for the rest of their lives.
The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome. While this may sound more like prevention rather than treatment, I think that it’s never too late for good and responsible parenting.
But this is just my opinion, what do you think? Comments are very much appreciated.
Feel free to join the discussion. We’d love to hear from you!
Eddie Munster
Im one of seven, n yea im just like u the middle child! Its so true what they say about us. Im at the point were a trash can has more of a purpose n life than I do. Never knew my father my mom always took my step fathers side. I would’t want too change anything about me if this is who I was meant too be so be it. But one thing I know for sure is its so painful!
Billy
I am th eldest child I’m 17 and I have two younger brothers who are 15 and 12. The middle one who is 15 does not lack attention at all in fact he gets all of it. He fights win our mom all the time and seems to obsess on certain things. He even threatens us and I he would only do what people asked of him then everything would be fine but instead he is stubborn and defies everything my parents ask of him. If you ask me the middle child should be more respectful they don have any pressure on them and hey still find ways to cause problems. Anyways my middle brother probably has oppositional defiance disorder anyways. Haha
chris
Hey im a middle child of 3, im 18 / M. To my experience, growing up as a middle child wasn’t horrible. my parents (mainly father) was aware of it and so helped me get past with as little pain as possible, but my earlier teenage years were still filled with confusion, sorrow, hatred and resentment. Going inward and finding out who i thought i was really helped me. It helped me understand who i truely am. I used to believe that who i truly was was the child, but i found thats not true. I did alot of learning about Spirituality – this helped me A TON, and I can’t thank Eckhart Tolle more for my happiness. The book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle really changed my life. I was at a really pain filled point in my life with suicidal thoughts and deep deep sorrow. Spirituality helped me flush out all my resentments and calm my sensitivity.
Berjyl
To Stephanie: I am also a middle child. There are lots of solutions in that kind of problem. The best for me is read the Bible and seek the guidance of God. Give to Him everything you worry about then BELIEVE and fully TRUST Him. You can start with these passages: Matthew 6:33 and John 3:16. I’m sure these can help you overcome… 🙂
shay
I just turned 18 in june , my sister is 19 , and my brother is 15. I’ve always felt that something was wrong with me because no one ever really showed me any specialy attention especially my parents. I always felt left out and out of place in my family. My sister was always the leader. She got attention from basically everything shes done. She recently graduated, got married and is now pregnant so right now she has most of my parents attention , and as far as my brother hes a very entergetic person he loves to rap. and he is also the type that just has to have the attention whether its good or bad. And recently he has chosen to take the ” bad ” route. messing up in school , getting suspended , getting into things he had no business doing , getting into more trouble at home just alot of things. And with that being said i feel like he has the rest of my parents attention. I feel like i don’t know where i fit in. I feel like im a nobody in this family, im in this for no reason. I have no special talents or i dont have anything going for myself. Everyday i feel miserable and unloved. I don’t want being the middle child holding me back from enjoying my life.
anans
to be honest this is a lot like how i have been feeling
i am the middle child, my older sister has always been the “hard” child, don’t get me wrong she is great, but she always gives my parents a hard time/ tends to wake me up with her yells, or send me to sleep with her cries. my younger brother is def. the most confident of the family, he is the most popular/ “smooth,” gets the attention of being the only boy in the family, and tends to be treated with more patience. When it comes to me, (the middle child) i tend to be very self concience, very self depricating, very stressed and on ege, and feeling as if i have to compeate with my siblings, with my sisters smarts, and my brothers confidence
Lacey
For me I’m am the middle cousin and the only girl, it exists in the cousin factor. My eldest is a boy , the younger is his brother. I am an only child. I was always overlooked even nOw, I’m 21. Me and the oldest shared a birth day . Until last year when he decided to take his life . Now I’m the eldest and have to still live in his shadow though he is dead . Middle child isn’t just brothers and sisters.
Natalie
I was reading some of these that you guys wrote and I know exactly how you feel…like your alone and no one understands wut you are going through. Trust me I am 22 years old and I have 2 brothers…both which couldnt get any more perfect in my parents eyes…which I feel like they dont care unless im doing something they dont like or I feel like im being replaced by their girlfriends. I only go to college only 20 mins away from my house but yet I still live at school and only come home for breaks or the summer.
In order for me to be the person I want to be and the person I’ve become I needed someone to guide me and just to listen 2 what I had to say without judging me and trust me that wasn’t my parents. The closest thing I had to that was my Aunt…she is my best friend. she lets me be who I am without the grief I get to experience from my parents. She listens to me when I need it and gives me suggestions on how to deal with my issues. In my family I am the middle child but in her family I am the oldest but she spoils me and her 2 girls look up to me like I am their older sister.
Reading these posts have made me very sad that I cannot help you get through your hard times. But I can say that hurting yourself is not gonna make the pain go away. Do not turn to drugs or alcohol because that just makes it worse. I would suggest find someone that you can talk to. If you need to go to a school counselor or a teacher that you are very close with that you can trust or a coach. there are people out there willing to help you, you just have to be able to look hard for that person. Within the last couple years Ive developed this kind of relationship with my aunt. Trust me my mom used to call my aunt complaining about me all the time. I wish you the best of luck with everything and If anything just start writing down ur feelings so you get them off your chest and out of your mind.
Mark
I am a middle child, have an older brother 2 years + and younger brother 3 years – and can say that this is absolute nonsense.
WAH WAH WAH!!!! Maybe I turned out better because I caught the most spankings? IDK! But I def have NONE of these problems.
Jada
Amber, Stephanie, && Sabrina;
I completelyy understand what you’ree going through. I also suffer from Middlee Child Syndromee and Self Mutilation. Myy older sister is 20, I’m 18, and myy younger brother is 13. Myy sister gets everyything she wants and gets to do anyything she wants. Myy littlee brother is thee samee wayy. Although, its a tad different becausee myy little brother suffers from mental retardation. He has sincee birth, recovered from thee disadvantages that being mentallyy challenged brings youu so that’s not much of an issuee. But, I’m an introvert and I’m highlyy artistic; excelling in singing, dancee, acting, and poetryy… In high school. I don’t havee manyy friends and I havee veryy low self esteem. I tried to look up to myy older sister but shee just insults me and beats me up and calls me names. Myy younger brother, not understanding right from wrong, just follows in myy sisters footsteps likee a littlee minion. I do all of thee housee workk in our homee and I’m barelyy ever allowed to go out or do anyything even though I’m 18. Myy parents ignoree me and I am definitelyy thee familyy blacksheep. Everyyonee in myy familyy is quitee… “Big boned.” I however, am veryy petitee and I get ridiculed about that constantlyy byy everyy member of myy familyy. I feel likee such an outcast. I rebel in order to find myy own identityy. I fall into thee categoryy of emo…. Which seems to workk for me. I cut myyself, I’m veryy depressed, I stay in myy room all dayy and just…. Writee. I wear loads of makeeup, blackk is myy primaryy wardrobee color, && my hair is purplee. I don’t know what I want to do with myy lifee yet but I’m going to collegee onee week from tomorrow. That should givee me somee timee to grow and let go of thee negativee influencee that myy familyy has had on me.
-Harsh
tiffany
don’t cry stephanie! /hug 🙂
from another middle child
Courtney
Hi, I’m a 14yr old girl. I’m not a middle child, I never have been. In fact I’m considered “the baby” and when I was younger I was treated that way. But when I turned like 8 I was forgotten. My parents don’t ever acknowlege me and when they do it’s because of something “I” did wrong. I’ve actually told my mom that I thought I was depressed. I asked her to pout me in therapy. That was almost two years ago. I want to hate them sooo much!! I wish all the time that they loved me like they did my 4 other bother and sisters. Two of them were screwups and got some pregnant or got themselves pregnant before they were 19. And my other sister and brother are perfect inn mmy parents eyes. My “perfect” brother still lives with us and my “perfect” sister is going to be the first one in our immediate family to go too college in two weeks. I always feel ignored I have a good reason now! I mean my whole family forgot me at a race track at almost 11pm at night and the race track that was at least 20 minute walk to any town! I was just lucky my sisters new husband spotted me just before he left. I don’t knows what to do anymore. I mean I’ve told my mom and sister that I’ve wanted to cut or kill myself.. You know how my sister responded? She told me that it seas just a phase and to get over it. I’m just so lost.
Stephanie
I likely suffer from the syndrome as well. My older sister is very irresponsible and lackadaisical. She doesn’t do anything leaving me to do all the work. My little brother is less than a year younger than me and due to the fact my family is Asian : boys are more favored than girls which doesn’t bode well. He definitely has more confident than I do but he also grew to be arrogant and selfish. Because of the small age difference, he’s taller and stronger so he likes to physically/mentally threaten me (he has slapped me before). It is also a downer that he is academically smarter than me so he likes to call me stupid multiple times. I am a introverted person so I’m more likely to be depressed and as a child I was very lonely. Now I’m 18 and my parents wants me to take care of my older sister cause she doesn’t have a social life. Being forced to help my parents out, I grew up faster and became an outcast cause I couldn’t relate to any of my peers. My self-esteem has gotten better slightly but it’s still low. I don’t have the confident to perform as well. Because I’m 18, older adults around me think I should be performing better (like doing arithmetic in my head quickly which is my weakness) or have more common sense but they don’t understand that I suffer from the middle child syndrome and I was very sheltered my entire life growing up. Not only do I have suicidal thoughts, I have purposely injured myself because my mental state is so damaged that a mistake makes me want to hurt myself. What’s worse is trying to tell your parents how you feel because 1) they don’t believe you 2) they blame yourself for being this way. Well who raised me? My mother has always called me fat since I was a child but in reality I just have a naturally larger physique of my lower body. Dad was in and out of our life but he stills puts pressure on me. When I don’t want to do something for my older sister they say “you know how you’re sister is, you’re suppose to take care of her” and for the younger one ” you’re older you’re suppose to take care of him.” Who’s taking care of me? I was the first to get straight A’s in middle school all the way up to high school and I really worked the hardest for everything I did but I still get the short-end of the stick all the time. Now that I’m entering college soon and living 2 hours away from home I really hope I can find out who I really am and I pray that my self-esteem will increase.
I’m going to go cry now.
Sabrina
Im the middle child i feel ignored and unloved my brother is 17 and im 16 and my sister is 14. i was the firsst girl and my mom doesnt do anything she thinks its all in my head i run around the house all day doing what she says and i get nothing not a thank you or i love you i only get i love you on special occasions. i am depressed and i hurt my self becuase i am in so much pain my sister gets away with anything and my brother is supper lazy my parents bought him a car for his 16th birthday and know im 16 have been for awhile and i dont have one
Kylee
Amber I really think leaveing is gonna be great for you.
Any way. This lonley feeling, sucks. I hardley ever leave my room.
but being the middle child thats less appriciated I have something
my other siblings do not.
Independence.
Since no one else cared I take care of myself
and I dont let any of my talents go to waste.
Amber
Hey,
I’m the middle child of 7. 5 when my step brothers aren’t at my house. We recently moved to Alabama, and we were raised in California. Well, my problem is that I want to move back to California with my grandma. I always feel like I’m never noticed.. My oldest sibiling being 18 can pretty much do whatever she wants. The baby of the family is 4 years old. I’m 14 and I don’t like any of them. I’m always wondering if my mom and step-dad found me on the side of the street, because I am absolutely NOTHING like any of them. I do think this is real, BUT I am NEVER jealous of my sisters and brothers. I am always down in my room feeling left out, texting my boyfriend because he’s the only one who understands. I’ve had thoughts of running away.. Suicide.. And I’ve also cut my wrist.. But I stopped because I stopped talking to them. I am moving back to California in 2 to 3 weeks now.. And I couldn’t be happier to get away from these people considered “family”.
Christie Jones
Well i was the middle chikld and i felt that i had middle child syndrome but recently my older brother passed away at the age of 21 in a car accident . now i had to fulfill his role but they never treated me like that before ………….so i guess they are confuse .After my brother passed my parents hardly ever speak to me and my little sister (who is spoil rotten gets all their attension. What should i do ?
Mariposa
I’m a middle kid, get very little attention, ad am alot like my older cousin, who is also a middle kid. I have an older brother, and a younger brother, and i’m the only girl. I dont have many close friends, Books and Reading are the Closest. My room is the most comfortest place, but I do have middle kid syndrome. My brother says my dad “Spolils” me, but he’s way more spoiled than me. I’m 12. he’s 17. my mom watches me like a hawk, so I’m very uncomfortable anywhere and everywhere. If you’re like me and want to talk to me here’s my email: [email protected]
I sound way older then I am, dont I? But, you can Email me.
middllleeee
i have two older brothers and they both are amazing at sports and a younger sister who my parents think is “perfect”…with my parents obsessing over my brothers sports they rarely pay attention to any activities i do which makes me want to quit everything i do. my sister and i do not get along at all. my parents spoil her and never discipline her. when we fight im always the one that has to be the “bigger person” and walk away (even when she slapped me). she talks to me like im 5 and thinks she runs the whole house… my mom only seems to find the negative in me.i feel like my mom tries to replace me with my brothers girlfriend and it makes me feel no good for anything. i try to do things to get her to notice me more but it never really works…..
Andie
I am a 17-year-old girl. My sister is 20. My brother is 18. I was the “baby” for about 13 years. Then my mom had two other children.
Being a middle child is tough. In my formative years, I felt ignored. And this feeling only intensified as time went on. I’m constantly compared to my siblings. Worst of all, I bear the brunt of distrust that my older siblings caused in my parents.
It seems unfair, but- I’m sure that I’ll be okay in the end. I’m certainly not going to let that be taken from me as well.
Mandi
As an older child, I find this information very useful. My sister is constantly putting me down and picking fights with me and most of the time she just completely ignores me. She acts live I’ve done all this terrible stuff to her and I don’t know why. She always wants to be alone and she hates the idea of going to the same school as me. I do think she suffers from depression and social anxiety disorder. I guess middle child syndrome does exist because she definitely has it. She always complains about everything even though being the oldest hasn’t been a walk in the park for me. I have to hold everything together and set the example and always be the strong one. Also our case is a bit different. My father favors her even though she’s the middle child. He only calls her and it’s obvious that he loves her more. No matter how hard we try to be friends she always sabotages it. She truly hates me and everyone in our family except for my dad.
Kels
I deffinatly agree with this article. I am the middle child and it’s horrible my older sister is 21 and has a lot in common with my mother, my brother is 17 and gets alot of attention, i’m 18 and get no attention of them my brother and sister both failed all of their GCSE’s but my mother and father were still proud :S I get 12 A*- C grades and they don’t even say well done; I finish my course at college with A,A,B and get accepted to a very good University and again I don’t even get a ‘i’m proud of you’ my brother gets onto a course at college and they’re like lets get the banners out and throw him a party. i’ve tried to earn their praise but nothing I ever do is good enough so i’ve come to resent them and as soon as I pass my Degree and can afford to move out i’ll probably never contact them again because TBH they’ve made me feel like i’m useless and don’t have any worth and they ignored me constantly. not to sound too egotistical or anything but, I’ve come to realise that i’m so much smarter, prettier and better than them in so many ways; now i’ve realised that i can be my own person and i can be proud of myself and that I can go far in life without their approval because I don’t need to rely on them unlike my brother and sister that will always be dependant on them.
WOW i feel so much better getting all this out:)
Stuck in the middle.
I am nearly 17 years old. I have a 12 year old brother with autism and a 19 year old sister. For years my parents have struggled with my older sister: she was in a very bad relationship which caused her to slip into depression and attempted suicide. We get on, but she is selfish and for the most part, her lack of compassion disgusts me. My brother has suffered bullying and has learning difficulties.
I am intelligent, and have really worked hard to get good grades, which my sister never did, but it goes ignored by my parents. Honestly, myth only properly talks to me when she’s trying to find out about my older sister, because their relationship is very difficult and my sister won’t tell her anything. My mum loves my older sister no matter what she dies and dies not discipline her. My dad is working and never around to help or talk to.
Basically my mum is either worrying about my sister getting into university or about my brother’s social problems. I love my siblings and have been a huge source of support for my brother in particular, i almost feel like his second mother. But still, my parents do not praise my efforts or ask me how I’m feeling.
I finished high school and have been trying to enjoy my summer, but my sense of insecurity leads me to be constantly on edge in my own home: my mum always makes me do the housework while she sits on her laptop. My friends dont see me very often as i dont feel okay asking my mum for money (even though we are incredibly fortunatee financially) because she gives me a rant. She doesn’t let me see my boyfriend often and accuses me of having sex with him, which isn’t the case.
I know it could be so much worse but I feel like a stranger in my home. I do not like living with my family as whenever we sit together as a family, either my sister storms out after fighting with my mum or my parents baby my younger brother. I’m left in the middle. My mum has struggled with depression and she confides in me, which often results in her making resentful comments about me, and I feel like I carry the weight of her hurt. Sometimes I feel like my mum wishes I was never born.
My boyfriend’s family is really a support mechanism for me, though. His mother treats me like her own daughter and sometimes I truly do wish I could be her child. I think I sound very dramatic but I’m sure many on this forum can respect that for so many middle children, this is our only way of shedding our negativity and moving on. I have every intention of throwing myself into my education, but not to make my parents notice me: to round myself as a person for ME.
middle
I just discovered today that such a thing as “middle child syndrome” exists and that I, in fact, have it. I’m annoyed.
Kaylee
Parker S. your situation is quite like mine: 18 year old sister who gets whatever she wants (money wise) and she’s going to a $37,500 school next year and an 11 year old brother who is spoiled and is probably the laziest child I know. He does sports, but does not try and doesn’t do any chores. Well, I am the only one who does and I get nothing for it. Not even a thank you. One thing is different, I don’t get abused or grounded. I am happy my parents do not do that, I would be really screwed up. But still, the little things my parents do, really do hurt me! And a few years ago, I lost my grandmother who I loved dearly…and she was the one person who favored me over my siblings. Now, I have no one to favor me and it hurts so much. I just want my parents to treat me the same or at least close to the same as siblings. My parents even tell me I’m not their favorite (as a joke), but I don’t take it as a joke. To whoever says this is not real, you obviously doesn’t know how it feels! It may not be widely known or brought up to peoples attention, but because of our situation, people do feel this way. And I am certainly one of them. To anyone who feels like they need someone to talk to, just to get anything off their chest…you can email me anytime! [email protected]
kaitlyn
im a middle child. my brother -17- me -15- and my sister -7-. my brother works for my dad in his office and is eventually “taking over his business” so my parents put all their high hopes in him (even tho he has a 1.75 gpa and mine is 3.75…). my sister is still considered the baby and doesnt have much responsibility. and my brother doesnt do any chores around the house either. they are all left to me. whenever i dont do something right they always yell at me. and because i do the most, im always getting yelled at. when they swear at me because i did something slightly wrong i really just want to dig a whole and crawl into it and lay there for the rest of my life and cry. my entire life i have always strived to be the best. im an excellect student, talanted at sports, and i feel self sufficient. however, the way my parents and extended family are, they are almost never interested in what i have to say. i am an out going person and highly liked in school by both students and teachers, but when i come home i feel my life turns into something else and is dominated by my older and younger siblings. my mom doesnt allow me to leave the house much either (in my eyes the less i am home the better). however my brother and sister can do all they want. my brother and i get along but i feel very lonely…my brother is almost never home. i know my parents dont have intentions of what they are doing and when i try to open up they call me a dramam quee….i just wish they would make an attempt to try and understand how i feel.
V
Yup, the middle child has all the problems. I was a middle child and my elementary childhood sucked because I was a bit different and I was picked on a lot. Things became better for me socially when I moved up to junior high/high school becasue I learned from my peers how to fit in, but because I had little attention (or supervision) from my parents, I became involved in risky behavior as a teenager / young adult. I count myself fortunate that I never spent a night in jail, although came close. As a parent, I am sad to say that I did NOT break the cycle because my middle child is ten times worse that I ever thought of being and that’s most likely because of the lack of attention / supervisionI gave during childhood.
Sam
Honestly middle children need to suck it up, I’m the eldest and I’m literally pounced on if I so much as make one tiny mistake. My grades must be no less than perfect and my mum is so uptight about me not being perfect it is so unfair! She is constantly downing on me about how much I eat and says its because she is concerned for my health but evetyone else, myself included knows its because she would be ashamed to have a fat daughter. She takes no interest in my personal life only in the academic and give stuff all about my feelings. My parents never give me shopping money and never let me go into town with friends and because of this my friends have got fed up with me always turning them down and now most of them have left and hardly even talk to me. So I am alone, friendless and have a mother that is constantly telling me to jump higher.
Grace
Okay.
I’m sixteen and a middle child (older sister, younger brother) My sister is gorgeous and my brother is confident and very social, but I don’t think that has to effect me.
I’ve had conversations with friends and family about ‘Middle Child Syndrome’ and reading some of these comments I just have to put forward an idea – maybe these feelings of loneliness and the apparent lack of attention are just normal teenage emotions. A lot of ‘highschoolers’ feel that way, a lot of siblings who AREN’T middle children do as well. I’m not saying everyone is being over dramatic, many may have real problems but this idea of being blamed for everything, siblings being favoured and no one appreciating anything you do sounds a bit unlikely. Stop analysing other people and their actions, realise that your family probably love you for who you are and get over this whole notion of ‘middle child syndrome.’
gabrielle
i also would like to add that even though lots of people are affected negatively by being a middle child i would never change my birth order even if i had the chance, i would never want to be considered a baby and have all that attention and i would never ever want to act as inconsiderate and all knowing as my older sister is. i find im way more mature then alot of people my age (im 17) and i know how to handle people way better because i can see other people’s perspectives on different issues
gabrielle
i read all the comments above and i am a middle child of 2 sisters. my oldest sister is 19, i am 17 and my youngest sister is 15 and she has a slight disability called william syndrome. i find reading this article it made me very angry to see all the negative things it had to say about the middle child. not a very good way to make us feel better about ourselves if our self esteem is already low is it? i find it is very hard to get attention when my older sister is the “smart perfect one” or so SHE seems to think according to her she is all knowing and she critisizes me worse then my parents ever do. She he is very loud and Boisterous so it is very hard to get a word in, while my little sister will always be considered the “baby” especially because of her disability. My parents make us all sit down together as a “family” for dinner every night, but i find with my 2 sisters at the dinner table i hardly say one word and that i dont really fit in well with my family but i find that creating an identity outside your family by mkaing close friends is a great way to make yourself feel more confident if you are not feeling welcomed or feeling that “empty” feeling the article describes. i find sometimes i feel that way alot when i am home so i try to not be home alot or i retreat to my room for most of the time to have my space and be alone. i also find that my older sister is “to busy and old” to help around the house or do favours and my little sister is “too young” to do them so most of that responsibility falls to me. All i know is there are alot of positive things about being a middle child and embracing them and fixing them is more important, and there is a book called “the secret power of the middle child” coming out august 9th i intend to buy that book straight away
MSP
So NOT Real!
Mariella
i read all the comments above and honestly. My mom is divorced so it’s just her, the kids, and my grandmother. At this moment i’m gonna stop caring about the opinion of my mom, i’m gonna stop comparing myself to my sister’s, and i’m just gonna live MY LIFE. I no longer care if my mom thinks i can’t make it as a chef or a writer, i’m going for it anyway. (P.S. I’ve written 3 novels and got them published in my school library, written a comic book series and got it published in the school newspaper, i’ve won 10 cooking contests, and i won my school’s dancing and singing contest 5 times.) Not that i’m conceded or counting!
Rick
I’m 16 and the middle child in my family. It sucks bigtime. I can’t get attention from my parents as “the baby” of the house because of my younger sister so I have to compete with my older brother to be the best. Everything he did I tried to outdo. He got A’s and B’s in high school and I get all A’s. He became a black belt in martial arts I became a second degree black belt. But no matter how much I did my mom would always rave about how my elder brother did this and that. She did this (and still does this) all the time: when she talked to her friends, family, even when I tried to tell her what I did. Finally I stopped caring about my parent’s attention and I just started excelling for myself and my future. The only thing is I get into trouble a lot more with my parents now but hopefully that will stop once I move out. Good luck to all my fellow middle childers (is that a word? Lol) and remember excel for yourself!
tracey kane
ok – – i have read all the middle child posts. I am a middle child. i am the middle of an older sister by one year, a younger brother by 4 years. hey guys – we are fabulous! i am the extrovert, always was (i am very much an adult now, and my dad, in his 80’s shared this post with me, i just turned 50) – i was always the fun one, not a care in the world, the peacemaker etc…. lil bro was spoiled rotten, older sister too serious. you know what? be YOU….. and be it gracefully and beautifully. there is a certain specialness about being the middle child – – embrace it and love it!! dont use it as an excuse, or a hididng post! whatever your birth order, you have to be you……………… but i think we all have it one over the other guy – – so take it and run with it! why not??
Parker S.
I’m a 14 year old boy, middle child. I have a spoiled / favored little sister who’s 10 and can literally do anything she wants. She honestly can just say something completely obscure and get away with it. Like 2 weeks ago she claimed I hit her and I lost my phone and computer for a week.
I also have a 17 year old brother who is pretty much the “sweet” one. He has a $15,000 first car and can get all the money he wants from my parents.
Then there’s me. 14. Middle child. I get constantly screamed at by my parents. Everything is ALWAYS my fault, no matter what it is. I get beat badly by my parents. I get physically abused by my parents for no apparent reason.
Thanks for reading, I just wanted to get this off my mind.
alyssa
I’m the middle child with an older sister and a younger brother. It isn’t easy being the middle child nor do I think it is easy being the oldest or youngest. They all have their perks and flaws.
I was always jealous my older sister got to do things before I did. She was always the first to do everything. But now looking back, I still got to do those things and I even got to do them at a slightly earlier age than her which would really piss her off. She was also the beautiful one. She looked just like Demi Moore when she was in high school. I was taller than her but had short boy cut hair because my mom wouldn’t let me grow it out and I was overweight. It sucked being the tallest at the time and outweighing both of my siblings by a lot. But as time went on, my sister gained weight and I lost weight. Now I’m the thinnest one of my family. My older sister is so jealous that she is only 5’3 and I’m 5’8 and blames her weight on her height saying that if she was taller she would be thinner…I don’t think so. I’m thin now because I had to work for it. My sister never worked for it and lost it. Never give up!
My little brother got away with everything. He and I are closer in age so we played more than my sister and I who is 5 years older than me. He was so implusive and wanted everything right now and would usually get what he wanted right away. It would upset me so much because I worked hard, behaved, saved my money and didn’t get what I wanted. Now as adults my parents favoritism towards him has not paid off. He is always behind on his bills because he buys everything he wants when he wants without thinking long term if he can afford it. He lives paycheck to paycheck and probably always will.
My point is the rewards will come if you believe in yourself. My parents thought my sister and brother were the smartest and that I was the one who wouldn’t succeed. They thought this because I was quiet and timid. I’m the only one who went to college after high school and earned a degree. Now everyone comes to me for advice because they think I’m the wise one. I attribute my shyness to me simply being observant. It still hurts my feelings from time to time that my parents didn’t see in me what they saw in my siblings but I think the way they treated me is why I’m who I am today.
Keep your head up and ignore the bullies. You know who you are inside and that is what matters.
Michael
My mom was the oldest of her siblings and her family was screwed up back then. My dad was youngest of three. So they don’t get middle children. My parents are demanding I’m going into high school next year but taking college classes at the community college across the street. My parents pushed me there. And I thank them. My mom was married had my older brother who’s now 24 divorced and married my dad. They ha my sister now 18 me 14 and my little brother 12. My little brother is so innocent and there is almost no brotherly connection between us. My older brother I loathed for some time until he grew up. He’s artistic and a genius but the teachers he had told him to slow down and he became bored with school. He joined the army. He’d always wanted to anyways so I guess it wasn’t a loss. He’s really the only sibling I have that I love. I don’t see him often though because he is an Army Ranger and in Afghanistan now. My parents have often times openly told me that he was the favorite. My sister calls me a middle child all the time. I always counter it saying she is too but she says different sperm nice try. Shes to proud and cocky now that she’s of to college. I’m left out in everything except work chores and being lonely. All I have really is the hottest girl in school as my gf thank God. I’m learning that “Middle Child”doesn’t have to be negative we struggle early as children and grow into cold and ruthless people out in the world of money. Which is sadly all that matters now.
Tali
hi im 14 years old and I have and Older Brother and and a younger brother so im the only girl But Everything that happens They blame it on me and THey always Put My business Out But when its My brother They stay quiet and My dad Always Buys Me stuff But He also Hits Me hard at times only When im being really rude and I doo Get jealous Of Others But I dont be rude or anything and I do feel Emptiness and very lonely :/
M.C.
I am a middle child, and think this true. I have a older sister who is smart and responsible and a younger bother that is laid back and get away with everything. I am definitly the black sheep of my family. Everything I do doesn’t seem good enough and i always try to make my parents happy but nothing seem to work. But as a result to some of my efforts to get attention (nothing bad like self harm), my parents have put me into therapy.
Keiffer
I’m a middle child and I definetly have middle child syndrome. And to make having this syndrome worse, my parents are always fighting and sometimes my brother literally HATES me. I get no attention or support. I’m a magnificent artist but I get no support or help ideas so I quit art. I need encouragement but my parents give me none. I see my older brother and younger sister getting attention and encouragement on their talents. It seems like I’m always grounded too. ALWAYS. I never get to have a social life. My siblings are never ever grounded. The only thing I have is music. My iPod is litterally my best friend. I feel like Im never good enough for anyone. But I know I the popular type. I have 897 friends on fcebook an I’ve met all of them. I’m only 12 too. The thing I’ve noticed about Being a middle child is that I have lots of thoughts. Lots of weird abnormal questions that I ask myself. And I’ve also noticed that I don’t act my age.. I act older than I am. I ALWAYS get compliments saying, “I thought you were 15!!! There’s just something mature about you.” I have no idea if this is true for all middle children but I know it is for me. And being a Middle child, having low self-esteem is natural, due to lack of encouragement or attention. But I find I push myself into doing stunts ad acts. I find that even though I get little attention or encourgement I believe in myself WAY more than a regular human being. And I have more serinity and humor than my family. Middle children are volnreable to depression. I know I have it. But I kinda like it. I like being a middle child even if people don’t treat me like the rest. I take being a middle child as a challenge. And I challenge all you middle children to drop your promblems and live with it. Go with the flow. Like as I.<3
Charles
I have just read most of the above. I am a 49 year old middle child and I have also been blamed for my siblings faults and have been told that I have ruined my family, as I exposed my Sister’s husband as a drug addict.
Sally of July 9th – I met someone 25 years ago that I can call Princess. You are a middle child with intelligence. You will meet someone to share your life with but take your time finding the right person. Forget the people that don’t love you for who you are. You are stronger than them. Rise above and realise that people may be incomplete in their thoughts and can be emotionally lacking. Do NOT blame yourself for others inabillities to love or to share.
I would like to say to all middle children out there – The great thinkers and leaders in History have often or not been middle children.
Being a middle child should be a positive state of mind.
Jovan
Hey, guys! The middle child syndrome does exist and I had to live with it for a few years. I’m 16 and I have an older brother that’s 17 and a younger one that’s 14. My parents used to never notice me, I don’t have that many friends, so I was kinda lonely. My older brother’s the smartest in the family and my younger brother is your average spoiled idiot who thinks he can be a famous writer by playing games all day (and yes, he’s very loud). I managed to overcome this syndrome by doing things that stand out. The eldest brother is usually the mature one but my brother’s very childish, so usually I’m the one who helps with the chores (so, my parents notice me for this). And since I can’t be the smartest, I thought I should just be the toughest. So, I told them that I was gonna join the army and make them proud. Now, I do lots of work-outs and my parents notice me more because of that. So, my suggestion is to just try to do something different that you’ll like. And soon, they’ll notice your effort and praise you for it.
Sally
Argh I so agree with this article… I’m middle of 3 girls and I’ve done everything just to try and be good enough my whole life… I’m 17 with a 20 year old and 15 year old sisters and so far in my life I have written 4 novels, edited a national magazine (just the one edition), published an article on the unfair treatment of indigenous peoples, and still it’s not good enough, still I’m too fat and too lazy and not smart enough or pretty enough… Every time my younger sister does something wrong my parents don’t get her in trouble for it, they say she learned bad behavior from me and punish me instead. My older sister called me a family-ruining b*tch yesterday and my mother just AGREED with her. They even sent me to live with someone else when I was fifteen for half a year to get rid of me… I’m so Dick of not being good enough… I suffer from depression and anxiety and I’ve come perilously close to dropping out of school because of these. My grandparents actually favour me because they recognize that I’ve been so mistreated by my parents, but I only see them once a year and I need someone to call me princess more than once a year. I’ve done everything I could. Writing entire novels still isn’t good enough for them… I don’t even understand that – what parent wouldn’t want that? But still my sisters are worth so much more than me… I can’t stand it! I feel like the only person I really have is my shrink, and what kind of existance is that where the only one who cares is a mental health professional???
Being a middle child sucks in my family!!
Hey there,
i am a middle child of 3 sisters, Oldest is 14, Im 13, and my younger sis is 11 and i do have middle child syndrome. I have low self-esteem and many of the other symptoms. I have an older sister and a younger sister and im stuck in the middle. My mother is also a middle child and i thought she would be more understanding but i guess she doesn’t. My older sister has everyone in our family on her side, everyone favouring her and being on her side. Everyone talks about her, and my mother shows me her baby pics trying to make me feel better when im ‘down.’ But all it does is make me sadder because she has pics of her and my younger sis but she has none of me. My younger sis is spoiled and gets whatever she wants whenever she wants. Shes loud and crazy. And im stuck in the middle, where im ‘left out’ all the time, my older sis and my mother taking all these trips, mother and my younger sis go everywhere together, and i cant go anywhere with my mom alone because she always brings either my older sis or my younger sis. My dad always takes my sisters side, and he always comments on how much better my sisters are then me and he always says,’ be more like your sisters.’ i just want to scream when they do that!! None of them understand and im smarter then my older sis(not to be conceded or anything) but my older sis gets b’s and c’s and im the one that gets a’s and b’s!! But my parents don’t even care about my sisters grades, when she gets a b or something they cheer!! i get a and they just say,’ good….eh…’ when i get a low b my parents get mad but my sis gets c’s and they say, ‘you can do better next time’ it makes me feel so bad!! So unworthy!! i want to talk to my parents but they always listen to my older and younger sis first!!
So honestly, i HATE being a middle child and it SUCKS!
Stonie
Reading Leslie’s comment posted June 26….I always asked my aunts if I was adopted!!!!!
Stonie
I’m a 37 yr old middle child and I also suffer from the “MCS”. I’m third born out of 5 children ( 1 brother (differnt father), 1 sister (same father as me), me, 2 younger sisters(different father). My brother being the oldest and the only son gets everything from my mother and all his sisters, my older sister always being the prettiest and more friendly and kindest also gets a lot of attention from my mother, family, and relatives. My two younger sister, got all the love, attention, spoiled from my mother and their father. As far back as I can remember I have always felt out of place, alone, ugly, etc, etc. My mother never took the time to reassure me that I was loved and wanted. Instead she pushed me away, always point out my flaws, (ur ugly, ur fat, ur so dark skinned, ur so mean, no one will ever love you…and I believed it all) always told me that she hated me and she wished I was dead. I can’t remember my mother ever being affectionate with me, she has never supported me in anything that I did. In this day all of my sisters are established and married. My brother has addiction issues so now he is pampered even more. Me, I’m still alone. I have two kids, but it hard for me to be in a relationship with their father because of all my insecurties. I have problems even keeping or making friends. I have about 3 longtime friends who know me beneath my insecurities, and they know everything I’ve been through, and they love me and care for me, but something I get a little to much to handle so they stay away from me for a while. I am the only one out of 5 that has graduated from high school and have some college credits. I have been working for my own things since I was 13 yrs old. When I was in high school I did it all by myself…every morning I would walk 45 minutes to get to school…and never, never, never did my mother ask…do you need a ride? How is school going…she never encouraged me, she never supported me. Everyone tells me stop feeling sorry for yourself that happen years ago..you choose ur own destiny…but those who are saying this to me are the ones who had support, guidance, love, acceptance, etc, etc. I have many personality disorders. I’m not crazy…I just need to be loved. I really think I need someone to truly love me, hold me and show me what love is really about. Yes, i have my kids and I love them and they love me…I remind them everyday how special they are, how much I love them, I remind them of their beauty and their talents. Still I feel so empty, so alone…most of the time I feel that even God has abandoned me. That is what brought me to this website. I happy to know that I’m not crazy and the only feeling like the middle child no one see.
douglas
okay my situation is that my parents have a hard time with my life. they feel that I’m just annoyance. It starts with me having a controlling loud older sister. She tries the best in everything she does my parents find her very successful. My sister got excepted to UNCG and went there for a year and now wants to transfer to a more expensive school because apparently nothing goes on down there. So now my parents have to shell out tons of money. Her boyfriend is very successful too, he gets straight A’s is an eagle scout and is a genius when it comes to math and is majoring in engineering. She got my dads old car and if she went a year with out a accident she would get a better car, which she did and she got a 20,000 dollar car. For my brother he gets everything handed to him and gets what he wants most of the time. For example he got a lap top and he is only in the fourth grade. I wasn’t aloud to get a laptop till freshman year. My parents told me i get the same deal with my sister about a car and they said that i would just get a not as good of a car because they have to pay for my sisters private school. They also said that i might would have to pay for it to get it fixed. my parents also told me the other day the felt they were more confident with my sister so they tapped my college fund to help pay for her private school and now only have half of what I want for college. My parents also said” well your probably only have enough for 2 years of college if were lucky so you might have to go to county for a couple of years, but when I graduate They will have enough money to send my little brother to a good school.” So now I get put out of a car unlike my sister I get screwed out of going to a good university so there goes my dreams of being a programmer at Dice studios. And this kind of unfair treatment goes on everyday with the simplest of things like another example would be Like if i come home late from a sport because they say they don’t have enough time to pick me up, so… I find a ride and when I get home they will tell me oh sorry i forgot your plate just make something in the microwave for dinner. O yeah just for clarity I’m still social and pretty smart in school. The worst part about this situation is that my parents don’t even get any interest out of what I do because its all techy and nerd like when really its just what I want to major in and they feel its a joke that will never happen. So basically my parents don’t have a lot of confidence in me at all. Everything i do isn’t good enough and they feel ill just be one of those homeless guys on they street.
Rachel
I’m the middle child of three girls and I love my position! I feel so blessed how I can learn from my older sis and at the same time, have a younger sis to play with and dote on. My parents are generally fair. Guess I’m really blessed 🙂
Luke
I’m the middle of 5, and I am pretty screwed up. My older brothers are smart and strong, and my little brothers are very athletic. I am overweight and my grades are declining. I wAs diagnosed with depression in 2010. My smallest brother is very spoiled , but I love him. I literally cry whenever I hurt him. I have almost no problems with my oldest brother who’s only a little bossy, but I look up to him. My second Oldest brother loves to beat me up, it’s his favorite thing to do. My secone youngest annoys me just to annoy me cause he knows I don’t like beating people up.
Middle of three girls...
I’m the middle of three sisters. the eldest is 20 I’m 16 and the youngest is 15. I have this and no one in my family believes it. Sister A is the most beautiful has all the guys falling in love with her and everyone loves her but theres a crazy side to her. She can be so spiteful with words and if something doesnt go her way, its like the world will end. My parents give her everything she wants. The youngest s loud crazy and funny. She is so spoiled and gets away with everything. Then theres me, quite, likes to be alone and kind of lives ni her own world. My sisters would gang up on me all the time and make fun of me. So as i grew up i would seperate in myself from them and now they wanna be with me all the time but they alwyas do things to bother me. They wonder why i like to be by myself or go with my friends instead. My parents never listen to me and think this whole sister war is my fault. I cant wait to be able to live my own like and have the adventures i want to live.
J
As the youngest child I have a different perspective of my middle sister (appx 18 months between each daughter). She’s nuts! All of our lives my father made exceptions for her because it was as if he felt bad for her. She was in the middle and to top it off she has fair skin, red hair and freckles where my oldest sister and I looked very much the same, tan, blue/green eyes and very dark brown hair.
As a result she got away with more and behaved WAY worse. Today she’s a miserable person and insists my parent abused her. HA! Now, she has children growing up, treating her just like she does our parents. My oldest sister is married with 2 kids and a stay at home mom. I am a CPA, hold an MBA, and have a wonderful life. I am not the most vocal in our family. I am the peacekeeper, the voice of reason. Yes, the oldest was favored by mom. But I certainly did not “get away” with anything. Maybe I could have, but I am the most conforming of the three. Today I am closest with my dad, but I am also the only one who is nice to him, including my mom! They are still married, after 45 years.
My advice, quit trying to place blame on your birth order. I think middle child is right. We all become the people we want to be. Influences make it either easier or more difficult to achieve, but in the end, we are all our own person and make our own choices.
Another Middle Child
i really agree with this article and also with the comments. life as a middle child really sucks.
alice
Middle Girl, you’re wrong. Children need to have had happy childhoods when they are adults.
13 year old twins
We are 13 year old twins who are stuck in the middle.My mom always forgets about us and when we say anything we get in trouble.Even through we are twins we still don’t get any attention we always cry when we talk about this.We are also very smart(4.0 students) my older sister is not the smarest my youger sister is ok smart and so that spot is taken (mom thinks she is smarter even through she always gets Bs.then my older sister is really thin and ify pretty and we has alot of muscles so we are not as thin but we are pretty and people say it all the time.When people say thing s about us like cool you girls are twins,then when guys ask us out instead of my older sister or when people say you guys are super smart(when we get attention out in public and my sisters don’t or by family).We get in trouble by are mom And she says we need to cut it out and we need to pay attention on how we look like she calls us fat and ugly.Then when good things happen to us and not are sisters we get in trouble.Then are sisters can get in trouble at all.So we always fill like we don’t belong and stuff like that.P.S.Family and friends relize it.;(
Adam.A
Life sucks for I no father in my life, and now have came to hate my mother. She treats me like dirt
Annie
I think this is an issue that really needs to be taken more seriously. As the middle of 3 girls I’d say it’s especially hard in a family with kids of all the same sex cos it makes it that much harder to stand out. I’m now 22 but continue to be affected by these problems, as I have done for as long as I can remember. I’d be really interested to see a study into middle child syndrome and connections to other mental health problems -I have suffered with depression, anxiety, eating problems and bdd since I was 13 (although my younger sister has also had problems such as ocd and bullying at school so my parents have never tried to talk to me about mine, their concerns are with her.) I appreciate the point that ‘Middle Girl’ is making – that things get better, but personally I am still struggling with the bitterness about opportunities that I missed and the feeling of being an outsider from my family – has anyone else felt like they’ve been regarded as less of an individual and therefore less worthy of consideration? Is the middle child always the butt of family jokes?
Tamarin.
I am the middle child. My sister is 20, I am 17 and my brother is 14. My sister has always been treated like she is responsible and super awesome i guess but the truth that i see is she is lazy, when i was younger she would babysit me and my brother, her definition of babysitting was locking herself in her room while we took care of ourselves. She has moved out twice and both times her attempt has failed and she has ended up moving back in with us which means she shows up takes over half the basment with her crap and steals the use of the car away from me like she owns in (even though for christmas i was given a bunch of stuff for the car). My brother on the other hand is spoiled. He owns 3 guitars a pairs of $500 dollar jumping stilts two different incredibly nice bikes and numerous other nice things. I have beg my parents to buy me a pair of shorts because mine are too small. i was nice to my brother for a while. i hung out with him because i have a hard time making friends but now that i have a life and want to go places and do my own thing he’s always bugging me to come home and asking me if i can do him favors all the time and it’s very frustrating because i’m trying to just take care of myself. My sister has a job so that’s where she gets money and my brother gets $40 a month from my dad. I get money when i do the chores that both of them ‘forget’ to do. Lately i have been leaving for a few days at a time because we recently moved 30 minutes away from my friends and boyfriend of 1 year and we don’t have enough money to be running back and forth. My mom almost refuses to let me spend time with my friends, i’m lucky if i get two days. I will come back after 3 or 4 days and the house looks destroyed, i was the last one to do the dishes and my mom expects me to do them even though i have been gone. My sister and brother yell at eachother constantly and are never nice to anyone, you can’t say a thing to them without it turning into an argument or insult. At the end of my junior year in highschool i got a job at the burger king my sister worked at i was unaware that they expected me to work 5 days a week like she did and i quit after a few months from being stressed and not having a life anymore. My mom and dad were so mad at me because i quit but i thought about how my sister did nothing until she graduated. all of the difficuly things that i have gone through made it hard for me to focus in school and i had to do summer school to graduate . Yesterday i finished highschool and i am very poud of myself! I did it without my lousy parents, i did it because i tried my best and stayed positive! because i know that when i get a good job and save up i can move out and be away from all of their crap. I know that if i am strong and try to not let them get to me then i will be more successful and a better person 🙂
Leslie
I’m a middle child, female, age 51, with an older sister, who was gifted, and two younger brothers. The description fits me too, sadly…. I actually went to my mother, as a child and sincerely asked her if I was adopted. That’s how much i felt like I did not fit in or was ignored…..My childhood was sad and my adulthood has been too. Even though I have been married twice to two pretty great men, i was unhappy in both marriages. When I ask myself what would make me happy, I know….but it seems silly and romantic to others, so I don’t pursue it and continue to let the days, weeks and months go by being unhappy.
Natalie
Hi there,
I am also a middle child. i have all of the above unfortunate character traits (low-self-esteem etc). i am very aware of middle child syndrome and NEVER wanted an uneven number of children myself. i am now 37 years old, with four children! BUT – oldest daughter, then a son, then TWINS. so i am very aware of my middle son’s “middle-child syndrome”. PLus it’s Double-wammy because of TWINS, not just one baby. How can i make sure he does NOT get middle child syndrome?? please help with suggestions.