Hey there! I’m Hailey and I’m a middle child 🙂
So.. you must be wondering, is Middle Child Syndrome real or not? Is it a real issue or just another made up condition for millenials? If you are a middle child yourself or a parent of a middle child, please read on!
What is Middle Child?
A middle child is someone who is born in between two or more siblings. Being born in the middle, as you’ll soon find out, is not that simple. The middle child, unlike the eldest or youngest child, does not get much attention. Middle children are also usually considered outcasts in their families and often develop a condition called Middle Child Syndrome.
What is Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle child syndrome is a condition in which children born in the middle experience feelings of emptiness, inadequacy and jealousy. It is also characterized by low self-esteem and extreme introversion, sometimes even leading to psychotic behavior.
The middle child, unlike the eldest child and the youngest child, is not given much attention. They have to go the extra mile just to get some of it. Middle children tend to be achievers because they need awards to be recognized by their parents. Sadly, this also goes the other way around, they can be very troublesome and determined to get noticed even if it means getting scolded at or punished.
Because they lack emotional support and guidance from their parents, they will always have a sense of low self-esteem. These feelings of emptiness and loneliness make them not very friendly and maybe even weird to other people. Most likely, these negative feelings will also stop them from pursuing what they want.
Other observable traits of middle children are insecurity and jealousy. Being raised in an environment where they have to compete for attention, it’s natural for them to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy of others. Seeing others easily get attention while they continue to strive for attention, these feelings of resentment towards others will continue to build up. All these repressed feelings of being unloved, unwanted or even hated can trigger an extreme case of middle child syndrome where they show psychotic behavior.
Possible Causes of Middle Child Syndrome
After discussing the common traits of people with middle child syndrome, we can find two main causes, identity crisis and lack of emotional support.
Identity crisis is very common to us all, and it’s something that we all experience at some point in our lives. Wanting to be different from everyone else is very normal and there’s not much we can do about it. The other cause is lack of support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others, often leading to even more problems such as drug abuse.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that middle children should be given the love and attention that they should have had when they were young, but I believe this will only make them more dependent on their parent’s approval.
There are also cases where middle children tend to separate from their family at a relatively early age to have families of their own. While having a new family means getting another chance, I do not think this is the best solution because escaping the past will not really resolve any childhood issues and these issues may haunt them for the rest of their lives.
The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome. While this may sound more like prevention rather than treatment, I think that it’s never too late for good and responsible parenting.
But this is just my opinion, what do you think? Comments are very much appreciated.
Feel free to join the discussion. We’d love to hear from you!
Dante Carranza
I know what your all going through i am 14 my big brother is19 and my little sister is 8. My little sister gets all the attention (not that i want any attention) my big bro gets what he wants. When i told my parents i want a butterfly knife for my birthday they yelled at me giving an emotional speech about me going to kill people. Any way we middle child’s are special even though most of us are depressed, like not to the point where we want to kill ourselves but you know what I mean because we can all relate to this
Mia
I’m a middle child too and I understand how you all feel about being the middle child. After reading this article, I definitely have MCS; sure I feel the love from my family but you can’t help but not notice how much more attention my two other sisters receive. No matter how may times my Mom tries to understand me, she will never know what I truly feel. Often I find myself depressed, and I have no idea what to do with it; it’s just there and no matter what I do it just doesn’t seem to go away. Leading me to being angry a lot faster, or quick tempered as my family calls it; when the situation at home becomes way to stressful for me. Causing me to be yelled at and be in extreme amounts of trouble; and quite frankly I hate it. I get it, I’m the different one in the family but they don’t need to rub it in. Usually I’m pretty good at hiding my emotions, numbing/blocking it out, but after awhile, all of the jokes, unnecessary comments, and rude names, builds up and I just want to explode…either in a crying fit or one filled with just plain anger; having my insecurities shine through.
Maybe to some people, I’m just a melodramatic teenager who issues, but to others thanks…this gave me a place to rant and finally let all this out. Power to all the middle children of the world because hopefully one day, we’ll finally achieve what we have been missing……we’ll achieve happiness. I love you fellow middle children!
Jes
I am the middle of three children, however i am a twin. BUT i am the elder of the twins so i guess that makes me the middle child. I can definately say i have MCS because i constantly feel neglected and have been known throughout my years as the “problem child.” I am 16 years old and my parents always either compare me to my great and successful older sister or my kind and loving twin sister. However, I get no praise because aparently I am just an unloving selfish snob who does not take part in the family. I feel as though no one in my family understands me even though my mom has tried several times, she will never know how I truly feel. I am often depressed and angry and loose my temper easily becasue of the stressful situations at home. Im always the one that seems to get yelled at for not behaving properly and Im so sick of these feelings. Im extremely insecure but i hide it on the outside because I can make a good cover for myself and block out all of my feelings most of the time. Ive come to accept the fact that my twin sister is closer with my older sister because I am just so different from them. They dont understand me, and I dont understand them, therefore its obvious that we have no way of getting along. However, ever since my older sister has been at college, my twin siser and I have become so close and I love her more than anything. Although she doesnt try to understand me, she realizes that Im hurting sometimes and tries her best to cheer me up. Anyways, I completely agree with the fact that middle children are just different and have certain qualities that their siblings do not posess or have the ability to understand. Middle children need a special kind of support and love to guide and nurture them through life. Parents and siblings need to recognize this in order for the middle child to feel like they can express themselves freely without the restrictions of the family.
Lori
Howard, thank you for your beautiful post. You are a wise man. Your story resonated so strongly with mine that I cried when I read it. I too love art and have always been the black sheep of the family. I completely agree with you, we middle children to bring a wonderful balance, sense of compassion and strength to a family. We need to celebrate what we bring to the world and value ourselves.
Lena
I am not sure if I qualify as a middle child anymore since my parents had a fourth child, but I was only the youngest in my family for 11 months. I have an older brother, 15 year old sister, 9 year old brother, and I just turned 17. What sucks is that I feel that I am by far the most talented of all of us, get the highest grades, most forgiving and kind, most talented (I can play 7 instruments, draw, etc.) and yet my parents don’t really care. My siblings are lazy, spoiled, and average intelligence, but when they get an A or something my parents are so happy and buy them something to celebrate. However, when it is me, they just smile and say good job, as if they it has become so normal for me that they expect it. I mean, it would feel nice to get some appreciation. I can never speak to my parents because one of my other siblings are always talking to them and when i try to join in, my sibling would tell me that no one was talking to me and my parent would just laugh and they would continue their conversation. I don’t know, being a middle child sucks, I just can’t wait till I’m older.
UNKNOWN
I AM A MIDDLE CHILD N I FEEL LEFT OUT AT TIMES I FEEL UN LOVED IT SEEM LIKE THERES NO PLACE FOR ME MY BOYFRIEND STAY BY MY SIDE UNTIL I GET UPSET WITH HIM MANY PEOPLE TELL ME I HAVE MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
katie
i am the second oldest of four childeren. there was a large age gap between my older brother who was 6 and a half months older than i am. for the most part that meant that i got lots of attention in my early childhood. however soon my younger sister was born and more attention started going to her. only a year after she was born, my youngest sister was born. i started to get attatched to my brother, until my sisters became old enough to spend time with. when i started to reach my preteen years, things began to change dramaticaly. my parents gave me some support, but a majority of it started to go to my sisters who showed more athletic abilities. i tried to play sports myself, but i wasnt very good. whats more, my brother started to develope serious mental issues that led to drug abuse that only worsened his mental health. between the two, i started to fad into the background. i dropped most of my extra cericular activites, my grades started slipping not to the point that i was failing but i got by but nothing special. the only thing i excelled at was cooking which i often used to help with my depression. in early highschool, i was bullied because i was very tall. my parents only heard of a few incidents where i lost my temper and acted out. i started to develope mental issues myself, but with the experience i had with my brother, i resolved to keep away from drugs and alcohol, and even “fake friends” that he described. i isolated myself from everyone and my mental issues began to worsen. the only one that actually noticed was my brother. he says i may be misanthropic. despite the fact that he moved out several years ago, i contiue to isolate myself, though ive tried on a few ocasions to improve my relationship with my parents and my family. i find it extremely diffucult to be open with them or anyone after years of keeping my feeling buried for so long. this is the first time in 8 years that ive ever talked in depth about my mental health.
Nash Gnetz
I am a 12 year old boy that is in the middle of an older brother, a little brother and two little twin sisters. And I have to tell you, I really hate my life. My parents are very nice but they never have enough time for me. My parents make me play sports, (which I sometimes enjoy) and that also adds to less time my parents spend with me. My older brother almost has no personality, my little brother is very, very spoiled, and my little sisters are maniacs. Another bad thing is that I just started Jr high school and I have no friends and I go to possibly the worst school in the state.
Tyrique
Hey u the middle child and i get treated like crap i have an oldest sister that is 15 and a younger brother that is 7 and i hate my life i get called to do everything while the others just sit around like they have nothing to do they get under my skin when they talk about my halitosis then they go and treat me like crap
Marion
Gosh…now this article makes me wonder, do I have it? Well, personally, I don’t think I do. But what got me sparking about being middle child is hearing that oldest makes more money(my sister), and youngest being more creative(my brother). As for me, my mom is always wanting me to do this, be like that. Sorta rediculous. I see that I love being creative, peaceful in the family, acting…writing poems and such. But..come on, should I have to be the shit end on the pool? My dad loooved my brother, being that both of them (my dad is passed) youngest. My sister is loooved by my mom, them being the oldest, both. Me, I never really have anyone to talk to. My friends are either youngest or oldest, which would make me the odd ball of our little group. I’m actually glad that there’s pthers out there like me! I gotta say, I’d rather be good at negotiation than being spoilt or over controlling. Lucky me, I guess. And that syndrome thing…well maybe I have a light case of it, seeing as my siblings can’t figure worth a shit out anymore without it being helped upon them. I know that I did have a deep depression though about a few years back. And god whenever my sister does something Its okay but for me its all” your grounded.” Anyways, glad to see other post about what its like! 🙂
Matt
I am the oldest child, have parents who divorced when I was 7, and my father was granted custody. He’s never been great at expressing his emotions, so I basically ended up feeling like the middle child all my life. My sister had always received more attention. Guess I have a secret older sibling…
jane
very interesting comments.. I’m a middle child, and have 3 children myself. The middle one has always been a handful, and MCS has crossed my mind, but is it just an excuse for negative behaviour? He wasn’t always the middle child, for 7 years he was the youngest, until my daughter was born, but has always displayed unacceptable behaviours both at home and at school. He is rude and disruptive and is continually being disciplined both at home and school. Very clear rules have been set out at home for all 3 of my children, but it is very difficult to treat them equally when my son takes up so much time dealing with his inappropriate comments, disruptions and rudeness! As I mentioned I am also a middle child, and of my siblings, I would say I am the most level headed and well balanced. So forgive my pessimistic view, but I would pose the arguement that MCS is an excuse rather than a condition. I’m very interested in others opinions! As at the moment I’m struggling with where to go next with my middle child!!
Michael
I am a middle child myself with a miniscule difference in age. I am a triplet with a minute between all of us. These are my only siblings. I strongly agree with this article and what their siblings influence upon it. My older sister tends to be a perfectionist and gets everything she wants. She tends to be more of a crybaby and get straight A’s in school. My younger sister feels that she is suffering when she is obviously not. She gets the worst grades but still not bad (We are an A/B family).
As a male I think my parents think that it is my responsibility to take care of my sisters as they are full of sympathy for them. I easily have the best manners but my parents oversee that. I am in a math class two grades above mine yet my parents think of my as not as smart. I definitely agree that I can see through people more.
The older sister is more dependent on my parents while my younger sister is more of an extrovert. I have tried to tell my parents about this but they just won’t listen or understand.
Lexi
I am 16 years old and have two sisters, I do feel loved and my parents try to support me but it always feel half hearted my parents and my sisters Gang up on me and I get so frustrated with them. I seem to be able to relate to most of the stories people have written here to the point where I cried with relief that it wasn’t just me. I’m do my a-levels at the moment and really struggling yet I can’t even turn to my family for help. I suffer from low self-esteem and always have since I was young. I’m so glad this article was here.
sid
Elledub completely understand your situation. Am the middle of three and know I have a big case of MCS as am also working on low self esteem and feeling left out.
Like you I don’t live as close to my parents as my siblings (older sister and younger brother) but used to live 100’s miles away after leaving to go to school. When moved back for a job my mother went on about how that I shouldn’t worry and how they’d be there to help. But unless call with crisis she has barely anything to do with me although will complain to my sister that she hasn’t heard from me in a while but will not even pick up the phone even if she plans to visit the city in which I live – she said her train ticket had to be used within a certain time and I’d be at work although she knows I have flexible working hours.
Though it has always been like that, my sister has always been my Dad’s confidant and my younger brother – well my sister always remarked about he was my mum’s favourite because he is the boy. Me, however whenever I kicked up a fuss about being left out of things was always told it was because I was high strung and they didn’t want to upset me (they even did it when my Dad was declared bankrupt when a teenager because I would get upset but they thought it was best to tell my brother who was 12 at the time). it was like they couldn’t note the cause and effect of not being informed making me angry as well as me responding to the information in the same way they did but only after they had gotten over their upset. When at school they call to tell me three days after they did it that they had put my dog down and wondered why I was upset. Granted this was the same phone call that they told me that my brother had disappeared for over a fence after skipping out on his rent a week before and they hadn’t heard from him. But they wondered why I was upset about that too because it was being dealt with.
My parents recently split up (decades after they should have) and found out from my sister that my mother told her and my brother that they had to look out for me as my Dad would use me in the divorce – she didn’t tell me of her concerns and when I told her I knew and that I was angry at the lack of respect that showed me considering I am an adult she turned it around as if she had that I would have judged her. Maybe that is true but at least I would have had a choice in the matter. I have gotten so fed up of hearing lip service from her and my father (who as much as I love him never bothered to come visit me when I moved away and seems to think that I am still the depressed lonely 17 year old who moved out of his house) that I have stopped telling them anything majorly personal in my life. The same goes with my sister and brother who keep telling me to chill or appear to be convinced that I am only talking to them because I am about to drop some bomb shell even though I never actually have. Actually am more use to them dropping something major involving police, husbands, financial, crisis etc .
The worse thing is that as much as my present actions is partly to do with the response I get it is as much to do with me as when I am with them I seem to revert to the personality i have worked so hard to get away from. I had to look for a new place and wanted company/second opinion to look at places so as they were free asked if they would come. Half way through the day found myself reverting to a 12 year in need of my mother and sisters approval. My confidence and ability to talk seemed to evaporate and somehow I had simply taken a step back and let the make control even though it was my life that any decision effected. When I realised that it made me a little angry at myself, however they also noted it and seemed to take it as that I was completely unable to cope with the decision totally and found that I was being cut out of any discussion completely, even to the point they had decided where I was living and putting my furniture.
I know that cutting them out so much on my end in response to this may sound childish and I should suck it up like the article suggests. However, I find that when I am not with them I have gotten past the feeling sorry for myself about my place in my family so it is as much to protect myself as to protect them from my anger as have hit that pissed off stage whenever I do call to talk to them and receive the ‘what has happened now’ tone from my mother, sister and my father.
MIKE
Hey there,
I am a middle child. I am 19 and turning 20 this coming year. I disagree in some of your point-of-view somehow. As a middle child I was unable to feel that I am not loved by my parents. My sister was 23 years of age and our youngest was 14. I could definitely say that she was the favorite kid among us though she was kind of a rude attitude (spoiled). But, my parents doesnt’ tolerate what she was doing. She was being scolded with her rude behaviors. My sister as the eldest was the bread winner of the family, whenever she said that this or those things should have to be this way, it will.But, at some point she was not yet a perfect daughter to my parents, whenever she did something wrong she was also get scolded. Me, as the middle child, i was unable to feel the same way. My parents always shows us that we are loved equally, we get punished with our wrong doings, we get rewarded with our achievements. I totally cannot remember any single moment that there was a favoritism in the family, when my mom hugs the youngest, she even hugs me tightly.
Hannah
this is too true, im a middle child and everything you wrote above happens to me 🙂
im just glad that other people have to go through with it as well !!
Sarah Monheim
I am the middle of 4. My brother is the eldest, then there’s my sister
who is 2 yrs. older than I, and I have another sister 2 years younger, so I
am definitely, a middle child. I never understood what low self-esteem
was until I was in my twenties and my boss told me I was a great worker
but had very little self-esteem. I don’t think I looked back on my life
as a child until I was in my 40’s and realized the issue I had with my family.
At a holiday dinner, with all our families present, my sister clearly insulted me (without reason) – I was 45 years old! My parents immediately sided with my younger sister, who, unbeknownst to me at the time was going through a tough period with
her husband. I on the other hand have a great marriage and 2 lovely children (no middle, just one girl and one boy). I never did receive an apology and I know I never will.
When I was young I was teased also, especially by my brother (I was
very skinny and wore glasses and had buck teeth (which my parents never fixed) I had to pay for the dentists bills when I got older!
Unfortunately, my parents did nothing to stop the teasing.
I always felt my parents
favored my older sister because she was very pretty and she
was the oldest. So she got new clothes, her own room because of it. Believe it or not, that didn’t bother me, I was happy to have her hand-me-downs. Problem is, I don’t always feel like I deserve to have the best of anything, even today. My younger sister was just cute and loud and yes, got away with everything. My brother, of course, was the oldest and could do no harm.
I do, understand who they are and realize they have not grown as people since we were kids in a lot of ways. I believe middle children benefit because we
are more aware, which causes us to be more sensitive and we look
for solace within our immediate partners or family and friends instead
of the family we grew up with. I feel I am much more independent today
than my siblings. My father is since deceased since that last dinner we
shared years ago, my mother is still alive but we have little contact. I
still wish I could have the relationship that my sisters have with her and
for that, yes, maybe there was an initial envy,but as the years have gone
by I am happy with the amount of contact I have with all of them. I know who they are as people and although, I don’t always like them, I still do love them.
We can’t change history, we can just learn from it and do better with our
own children.
jose luis
I am a middle child, had a plenty life, successful career, father of two (maybe three soon) and nothing to complaint about. Feel loved by my parents, fought a lot with my eldest sister because I did not accept her as a superior. My thought is that maybe it is true that parents tend to forget the middle child and that is their fault, unfortunately the payees are not them.
Mattie
My name is Mattie, and I am 14 years old. My entire life, I’ve been caught in the middle of one huge fight. It’s not simply that I’m a middle child but also that I’m so close in relation to my siblings in ages, my sister being 16 and my brother 11. We fight over any scrap of attnetion our over busy parents deighn to throw our way, constantly shoving eachother out of the way. Still, when it comes down to it we’ll kick ass for one another, at least when it really matters. Even when our parents aren’t there, and largely not a part of our lives, even when it seems they are favouring one over the other, it changes the way we act between eachother.
My sister was made to watch us alot when we were younger and she resented it, especially when it meant she had to miss something with her f friends. Parrallel to that, my parents think I have no responability at all, even when they can’t see that it is simply that I don’t give a rats ass. We kid about my brother being stupid alot even when we know he’s just slow and laid back.
I am amazingly introverted. I am incapable of building lasting relationships with anyone, no matter how hard I try. This probably comes from the fact that from first to fourth grade I was mostly raised by books. In fifth and sixth, due to bullying, I barely talked to anyone at all, my head always stuck in them. It came to point where I was given in school suspension for defiance when I stopped turning in homework absolutley. They even demoted me from the advanced classes I was taking because I was reading so much in class, even though I was acing them. It got so bad I was making myself sick whenever I thought I had to go back, waking up in the middle of the night I was so afraid. I had tins of tests done on me, and the doctor gave me anti depressants. Not once did my parents go in to talk to the school or send me to a psychologist, even when I asked and my doctor recommended it. A year later, my sister was not only sent to a psychologist, she was pulled out of school for a short while. I had my entire grade level gunning for the other side, at one point ganging up on me for no other reason that to hurt me. I broke down crying in the middle of the day once because they had hurt my feelings so bad on the day I was told my aunt was going to die. In comparison, my sister started cutting for no other reason than the fact she told one friend- a best friend, but still- that she wouldn’t do drugs with her anymore and she stopped talking with her. I had countless problems, and so did my sisters, but they only chose to send one of us. I’m still wondering why it wasn’t me, at least in the beginning. Fuck, I’ve not only been called a cold hearted bigch by my father, but also a sociopath by others. A freindless freak. A freak of nature. And still, they act like I’m normal, like I’m independant. Like I don’t need them every bit as much as my siblings. They don’t even want to come to my play. They think my art is tastless and weird, even though I get complements every day on it. It’s not fair, how they can care so little and still hurt me so much
I am Mattie Smith, and suffer from severe MCS.
Eirik H
You unfortunately made a falsifiable and testable prediction while pulling this out of your ass. I suggest seeing what psychological studies have concluded on this subject before spouting more nonsense.
Treat this as a learning experience and you might even become less irrational in the process.
Liz
So interesting. It seems middle children are either feeding into this theory as an excuse for not being responsible for their own actions, or disapproving of it.
I’m half and half.
I’m 21, older sister is 27, younger is 17. Older one is way bossy, doesn’t have friends except for our dad which they get together and make fun of everything,everyone, even the rest of our family, mostly our mom. The younger is very sensitive to punishment from mom and dad. She seems she cant stand them, but then again she’s 17. I feel lucky my mom was born the middle child, because I think she identifies with me, and i take after her appearances and mannerisms.. even personality, a little bit.
I like being the peace maker. My friends see me as “mother goose” and i like that. I feel like I’m more of a mother to my little sister than my mom is, because when my sister was young my moms dad died and she was out alot drinking with dad for a few years. rachel would be put in charge, which was disasterous. she was either getting high in the back yard with friends or having boys over or what have you. So i guess that put me in charge. Both my sisters .. have more anger, do better in school (without hardly trying), are more talkative in social situations, like to be rude or make fun of people. I’m sensitive and hate making fun, and i just feel different from my family members (except mom, kinda). my older sister never finished college, has a kid with a guy she lives with but he emotionally abuses her and she is the bread winner, I am an art student with good grades and a good job and good boyfriend. I used to have a SHITTY boyfriend and would party every night and sneak out. I’ve been going to counseling fooorrr…. 2 years? maybe? its free through my college. Everyone should go get counseling, void of their birth order. To an extent I believe this “MCS” but can see it being taken out of context. My older sister has been a meth addict, an alcoholic, and college drop out. She used to be in trouble 24/7. She hates people. My younger sister is amazing, but afraid she has self esteem issues, perhaps may be lesbian? never dates boys, while my older sister and i could never stay single (still cant.) my mom thinks she got less attention as a middle child. her relationship with her mom today sickens me.
Older sis – demanding, always depending on mom and dad, hard to be around sometimes, starts arguments, still acts like a child sometimes, is successful in her work, is in a less then par relationship, stubborn and unhappy. smokes pot constantly, unpopular in school, an outcast. highly punished. no friends.
me – easy going, understanding, a good employee, girlfriend, and student, low self esteem (workin on that), confused, used to stay high now its limited, working on moderation in my life, finishing college, and likeable. not really an outcast or popular, had my own group of friends but am liked by all i meet. keeps organized. not fashionable. punished moderately . hand full of friends.
youngest – popular, great student, ambitious, great employee, stubborn, messy, very highly tuned in to her looks and latest fashion, just now started drinking and smoking and its escalated quickly. hardly punished. many friends.
So maybe that was just a rant lol. i feel better though. that’s what its all about though right?
lets start a middle child coalition and all get together to rally 🙂
Racoon
Yeah. I’m middle child too, sisters 20 and 14, and i’m 17. ive had depression for ages now, which i’ve had for no other reason that i can think of other than because of middle child. i avoid home and stay out till late to stay away from my family. but i dont care much cus i’ll be away and leave home once this school years done. Waheyyyyyy
DoSkimp
Well yeah, this is true. and i have been taking this for 16 years now. i just heard about this MCS in our church, then, i almost cried for having those memories being recalled. tsk. If only they knew this. 🙁
Howard
I’m the middle boy of 3, two sisters. Both my parents are first born children, and are higly successful as doctors. Both my mother’s side and fathers side of the family have produced mostly intelligent, college grads who have done all sorts of things. My older sister is finishing up her residency this year in internal medicine. My younger sister is completing George Washington University with a degree in english, a high GPA, is highly intelligent, and likeable.
Which leaves me. I’ve never been much of an academic, or an achiever for that matter. In middle school I had probably a c average, and in high school I had a 3.5 weighted GPA from AP classes I didn’t do well in. College has been a major challege. I’ve been going, off and on, for the past 6 years, and my GPA has fluxuated wildly, as have my majors and schools. I have also had major social problems coping. I never really fit in with my family, so I’ve always been by myself, a lot. And I’m into a lot of kiddish things, anime, manga, and the like.
Interestingly enough, I don’t regret being the “odd one out”. In fact, I rather enjoy it. Though I do share some negative traits with middle children, I would say out of my whole family I do things and read about subjects that my family wouldn’t ever dare touch. I’ve had major bouts of depression, even attempted suicide a few times, and been on anti-depressants for 2 years, but after meeting with isolation, with rejection, with being “the odd one out”, I’ve come to know myself very well and have compassion for people, even for people who deny or reject my existance. I have a love and affinity for art, I love drawing people, and feel it heavily. I enjoy learning Tai-Chi and reading about the I-Ching, a sort of chinese guideline and fortune telling agent for the universe, reading about Bruce Lee’s philosophy, taking Mas Oyama, a famous japanese karateka’s quotations to heart, and simply being more patient, affirming, and appreciative of life and living. Though my external abilites are far overshadowed by my family, my interal spirit is peaceful. I follow strict moral guidelines for behavoir, and try to be as genuine, and helpful as I possibly can.
I think the power of middle children is overshadowed because we often don’t see the true value of someone who is patient, calm, non-competitive, helpful, and caring. Much like food, or water, we take it without seeing that without it we wouldn’t sustain ourselves for very long. Middle children are the same. Studies are done by people who want to be recognized for their accolades, but a true study of middle children, or at least, balanced and healthy middle children would show a massive internal strength and resilience which, in this time of difficulty, is necessary.
I love being a middle child. I can support my big sister who’s external strength can sometimes create inflexibility on her thoughts and cause her to overthink, and I can talk to my younger sister, who while talented, intelligent and sought after, can sometimes feel lonely and fussed over by insecure people who want what she’s got. I can help people better because I know what it’s like to be lonely, and to make an effort to make yourself better. I got off of anti-depressants, I’m going to finish a degree in art after retaking some classes, I have a positive outlook on life and I truly care for other people. I love myself because I can be genuine, and express myself fully. And when I’m in love, I feel it. Being a middle child rocks.
Megan
I am the youngest out of three….. My brother (the middle child) is very bad and angry and generally horrid…… He is 16 and a pain in the arse! He definitely has middle child syndrome. 🙂
Jane
I completely agree with Bridget and suffer from this for sureeee. I have an older sister 2 years older and younger sister 2 years younger. I work SO hard for my parents affection and have better grades than both my sisters but my parents are not proud. I have one B in art and i get yelled at. My sister has three Bs and a C and isnt reprimanded in the least. We both run cross country but I started running just this year and wasnt fast. I got a stress fracture in my shin and my sister breaks 22 minutes. No one is proud of me in the slightest. I missed my bus today and was grounded over Halloween weekend, missing a birthday, a party, and trick or treating. And got my allowance taken away indefinitely. I can’t understand why I try so hard anymore. I rely more on friends than family for comfort with my very low self esteem because they will not support me. When I try to inform my parents of something I did well on, I am snubbed. My sisters are rewarded. Even when my guidance counselor emailed my parents to say how well i was doing they did not care. Wish I wasn’t the middle child so much.
Matthew
So after reading all this, I definitely have MCS. I am 16 years old and have a brother 3 years older and a sister a little less than a year younger. I do feel loved by my family but I still get the “shit end.” For years I have been neglected for all my talents and such. When ever I wish to persue something such as an actor, a musician, a writer, they tend to laugh at me or tell me it’s a dumb idea.
My brother and sister would always pick on me when I was younger and gang up on me while my parents would do much. I suppose I’m a little bit of the nerdy one being that my brother was a football/baseball jock and my sister is a varsity cheerleader. I am a percussionist in the marching band.
My parents have tried their hardest to not miss a single 1 of my brother’s games when he was in high school or my sister’s cheer leading competitions… but me on the other hand, they ask me if it’s okay that they miss my competitions in the case being that they have only been to 1/9 of my competitions (they were at a friend’s close by so they came by).
It really does suck to hold in all these emotions and not let them out which is why I usually snap at my family and tend to be jealous with them. I can never be honest with them either because they think it’s a joke or a phase I’m going through.
So in the end I’m pretty tired of getting the crap in my house hold and wish it was all better.
ElleDub
I think I’ve coined a new term to describe myself…a “functional middle child.” Though in number I am 4th of 5, the dynamic in my family is fairly class middle child – therefore, I function as one. I have 3 older sisters (all similar in age to each other) but they are 3+ yrs older than me and the only boy is the baby and he’s 3 yrs younger. Thank goodness for my independant streak! I love this outcome but not so much the other stuff that seems to permeate how I view the world and my place in it. Left out, lonely, bored with relationships, low self esteem, etc. Working on it, yes! (and so should we all) Let me share quite briefly the convo with my mom just now. I for some reason opened up about my neglect by family members. She for some reason hopes I don’t move again as it would be far away but I said it wouldn’t make a difference. My family won’t come see me even though I’m within 2-4 hours from any of them now. She said its easier for me to go to all of them (well, you all understand that sting I’m sure). Then I brought up that my dad just missed a significant event he could have attended. Truth, he forgot and told me as much. She tried to make excuses though and tried on a couple for size to see what stuck (nothing did – I know this game by now lol). I rather nicely explained our family dynamic and how I do feel very left out and it still hurts sometimes so I tend to wall off from them. In fact, I’d rather not tell them about events so as not to have to hear about all the excuses why they “had” to miss them. I actually opened up and expressed genuine feelings after which she promptly summed up how she had dinner ready and is “sorry I feel that way” but that she had to hang up. Haha I feel like laughing maniacally! Ah well, at least I feel something. To those on this page, this needs no further explanation. Thank you, my understanding friends, for the rant. Power to the MCs 😉
sheri
My middle child gets the most attention, but yet gets angry the fastest. He will argue for hours, think he is being punished when my husband and I have just made a decision that conflicts with what he wants to do, or if we have to change plans at the last minute. Since my husband is a middle child too, when our middle child is mad, or argumentative, he does the same thing… they just can’t let it go, voices get louder and louder, stomping and slamming doors, etc… my husband can’t even be the grown-up. The two of them look like bears trying to see who can win. I try to stay out of it, but then my husband thinks I’m not supporting him. Most of the time I just walk away because there is nothing I could say to stop the arguing. Some times I just want to leave.
Claudia
I am a middle child; there is five years between my brother and I and eight years between my sister and I. I have studied the MCS for years because it helped me explain myself to me and to correct some of the issues. Ironically, a year or so prior to my father’s death, he apologized for treating me the way he did; I guess he realized I was not as selfish as my siblings…. If I had children, I would not produce three children.
lynn
i have two daughters, aged 11 and 6. both are loved and given attention to. both are confident and sociable and are doing okay in school. then i had a baby boy two months ago. this is the time also when i notice that my 6 year old started becoming very naughty. i am trying to “distribute” my attention among the three but the baby demands more of my time that they do. i am worried that my middle child (the 6 year old) will sound like one of those kids who commented on this article. now, what do i do?
Nate
I am a middle child. I feel very different from my brother ( 14 ) and my sister (10 ). one thing is , she is a++ in ALL her class’s and always get’s praised for academic record ( which is A++ all YEAR ) and my brother
and is always telling me what to do, and making fun of me for my poor
grades,although my parents try their best to make me “part of the team” I just want some time alone .
I mean the grades , school , brother and sister, and draw how I feel and I know I have low-self esteem and i just close down when “help” comes and just go to my room for SOME peace.
thanks for reading!
MLO
Hello… I am a middle child and the most “successful” in my family of sibs. That means money. I appreciate the discussion. What would have happened to this little middle child if she did not marry a successful engineer? Going thru parent’s illness has been the real eye-opener for me re: true relationship sans money. I am going to put a stop on the money. I believe that will be a huge relief for me… knowing what I really “mean” and what I am really “valued” for. Yikes… it is going to be a krazy reality.
Maria
As a middle child I am very shocked by the tone in which this peice was written. I am blessed with the good sense to take a balanced view. I do think there is something in ‘middle child syndrome’ but it is wrong to condemn all (or most) middle children to a life of disfunction. Everyone has issues and it is too easy to hang your hat on this theory. Have you considered genetic personality? Have you considered we may have got the easy deal as middle children? My big brother was put in charge a lot, now he is a control freak. My little brother was babied, now aged 38 he still needs help for just about everything. I do ok, I realise my parents are only human and they love us all. Dont forget, if you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got – if you want a better deal – go out and get one, not for your parents but for you.
Netusha
Hi there, I too am a middle child. I’m sixteen years old. I have two sisters, one a year elder to me and another three years younger to me. I have never met a middle child with this syndrome in my entire life. Most of my friends are either the youngest or eldest in the family.
I always felt like the neglected one in my family. Like a black sheep. My sisters treat me very disrespectfully. My parents are not very interested in what’s going on in my life either. Well, I have been dealing with a major problem of low self esteem all my life. I expect undying support from my family in whatever I do just like what my sisters get. An example would be my success establishing the Interact club of my school. It took me a while to get there because after all, stuff like this needs teamwork but a lot of people have recognize me for my leadership qualities. Despite this, they claim that I am “not doing anything” and that it’s all “guff and no go”. And it’s really unfair when they display pessimists’. It makes me wanna go “Fuck you all”. Adults that I am not related to, show me more support than my family ever will. Another example, I took part in a Girl Guides Public Speaking Competition and my family came to watch but when my elder sister wanted to hear my speech just before it was my turn, she started demotivating me and said that I sucked etc. Before I lost my head, I simply walked off.
These are just SOME instances. I am a joke for my family and it sucks. They even call me a freak. And a loser. Many of my mom’s friends said that I have MCS but she doesn’t see the severity of it. But I would give myself an applause for coping with it as much as I could.
I used to be close to my elder sister, but we have not talked for weeks because of some guy she likes. Long story short, middle-ness is a universal curse.
Estelle
Hi Bridgette, I can totally relate to what you are going through. I do not receive much attention from my parents. I have a sister that is 7 years older than me and shortly a year after, my brother came about. I’m 22 this year and all I can say is that, as a middle child, we can’t deny that we are often neglected by our parents. But I always do believe that we are SPECIAL 🙂 Very much different from the older/ younger ones ! <3
Matt Drennen
I am a middle child and I’m seriously depressed. The world hates me and makes me its bitch. If only I was the oldest…
Bridget
I am a middle child. I’m almost seventeen and have an older sister who’s 18 and a younger sister who’s 14 I also have a little brother who’s nine too.
I feel loved by my parents but I never get praised if I do something good.
My older sister works at a sports venue and is really sporty so both my parents always drive her everywhere and talk to her about things. She completely failed school this year though but passed one paper with a very high mark. They had a celebration dinner. My littles sister has had her toes and back straightened and just recently lost all her friends, so my parents deciede to pay over $100 for cake decorating classes. My little brother goes to boarding school but is still very spoilt.
I failed one assignment in photography class and got a very bad telling off and told of their high dissapointment. My sister calls me a whore and a hooker all the time and my mum laughs along. I call her a bitch and I get grounded.
I don’t totally agree with the article but I’m happy it’s here. I finally meet people who understand me. All my friends are either eldest or youngest. The ones who are Middles have all left home or got really depressed.
I have always shared a room and when I did recieve my own room I only had it for just under half a year because I did not clean it. My older sisters room is disgusting, smells like a locker room and her double bed is now a single because it’s full of crap.
Parents are very bais. They may deny it but they are. That’s whee the root of the problem is.
Jaymee
I’m the middle child. My oldest sister is 20 nd I’m 19. Ppl think were twins but I don’t see it. My youngest sister is 17. I feel like the mother doesn’t give attention to da middle child because she thinks nothing sould bother them. Like the mistakes shend da oldest makes the middle should learn. I got put out when I turned 18 that was right after my grandma died when I needed my family the most but they only treated me like an outsider. I have no one to talk to because my older sister is my moms best friend nd my younger sister is mamas baby. I need moral nd emotional support and I don’t get that at home.
Anj
I just want to know how to solve this ‘thing’ I know there are others who’ll give us care and affection but it’s different from our parents, especially our moms, right? No matter who the hell would give us attention, we would still seek it from our parents. It’s not enough that we realize that we have this syndrome and solve it from within. They should help too, right? 🙂
BUT. I don’t want to tell people that I’m having this syndrome because they might just come to me because of sympathy. 😐 Tsk.
HAHA. Just smile! Eveything will be fine! 🙂
Julie Barnes
i totally disagree because i myself am a middle-child and i feel like i take the leadership role out of my siblings. i still am the black sheep but more first-child.
Tab
I can definitely relate. I’m the middle child of 3 girls. I love them all dearly, but their is definte favouritism with my parents. My oldest sister is brilliant, has a good paying job, a baby on the way, and makes all the right moves. My youngest sister was trouble growing up, getting into drugs and alcohol early and disobeying my parents’ rules. But she never got introuble for it. Any slight wrong I did I’m in brutal trouble for it. I battled depression as a teen and I try to fight it now as a young adult. I feel lost and alone all the time. Any help I ask for from my parents get pushed aside like a last minute thing on a “to do list”. I sometimes feel like the best thing to do is distance myself from my parents and live my own life where I’m #1. Where I don’t have to deal with the pressures anymore.
porxia
marcia, surely as a professor of psychology you should know better than to generalize from a sample of 3? or maybe you’re right: since none of the middle child traits apply to your close relations- all three of them!- the hundred odd people on this site who identify with this “syndrome” must be wrong!
i don’t think the claims in this article are valid, either, but i don’t think they warrant the dismissal you gave them. your comments about this syndrome as an excuse for failure and bitterness- totally uncalled for. maybe this can be your next research project.
katie sandoval
im a middle child of three girls. Im 13 my sisters are 17 and 7 . honeslty i hate being a middle child so much. i get so fustrated somtimes becasue no one pays attention. if i need help with my homeowork no ones there to help so i fall behind in class and get yelled at by my mom thats the only time she ever pays attention to me, when shes yelling at me. I get so fustrated i leave,, like right now im in my basement alone i just want to cry, i hate being forgoten but i just have to get used to it i guess.
Yehezkiel
thats so true, i’m middle too, my big brother is 27 years old, i’m 25, and my sis is 24, so it’s pretty crowded here. In my experience, the best way to live as a middle child is far away from the family. @marcia: how could a professor from psychology didn’t know this syndrome? maybe you should do some research
ijeoma amaechi
I am a middle child and the lack of attention led to my being a victim of domestic accidents victim from 3 years which left me physically debased.
I grew up to see high degree burns on almost every part of my body which made my childhood and growing up a depressing one because people express shock each time they see me naked.
I could not live in the boarding house like my sibblings. I cld not wear skimpy clothings or even swim in a public pool. At College, girls gather around me at shower times to express pity and it’s always so embarrassing.
It made me keep to myself most of the time and my books became my best friend. Today, I am living and working contributing to my parents upkeep and wellbeing which makes them regret their initial favoritism attitude.
Luke
I am a middle child. Sure, I felt some of these “syndrome” issues growing up. I felt low self-esteem, a sense of not belonging, isolation, searching for meaning in myself and my life. I had some tough and introspective years. Here’s the thing though, I never attributed it to being a middle child. I never thought my struggles were a result of the eldest leadership or the youngest neediness. We fought like siblings do and worked out whatever we needed to.
Most of the posts that I have read here seem to come from younger people. It’s interesting to read about birth order and draw similarities in yourself to what you read, but do not make the mistake of thinking that you can blame your struggles on birth order and siblings. You are your own person and you need to give thought to how you can proceed with your life and get the most out of it. Stand out for who you are rather than who you are not.
I am in my mid-thirties, and have a well functioning marriage with two loving kids. Yes, I do relate to my birth order. Yes I do see truths in what I read. Yes, there are still conflicts between me and my siblings. But I make no excuses for how I turned out, and will continue to self-evolve and become a better person. And that, perhaps, is the most positive part of the middle-child “syndrome”.
brook
ok lets get something straight marcia you are so dumb you do not know what goes on in our life you see just to prove something to u i even made a suiside note saying who made me feel this way and am always thinking about killing myself
Zaniyaa
My name is zaniyaa and im 12 years old and i can so relate to this . I have an older sister and and younger sister and they get all the attention ! I get in trouble a lot at home and its because my parents believe them all the time . When i read this i started crying because its so true . Middle Child usually gets neglected because their parents are busy with the other 2 . They say they love is all the same but how come I dont see it ? Its kinda cool to be the middle child tho because ur a big sister and u have someone to look up to but they’re always invading my personal space and i can’t do anything! I hate being the middle child . It makes me feel like i should run away .
Jada Bean
I definitely have it. I have an older sister by 2 years and a younger sister by 1 and a 1/2. I was born a happy baby, they were both angry and miserable with life from day one. I became the mediator as well as the revolutionist. Although both of my sisters were undiagnosed cases of either manic depressive/bi-polar and ganged up on me, I still had to play it off with a smile. Which I am still doing to the day by the way. I have low self esteem, issues with taking no for an answer, and need constant attention. I’m in my 30’s and you would think these personality traits would go away! Oh and a bit OCD / germophobic, controlling, self absorbed, independent, do you see where I am going? I didn’t get the attention I should have gotten when I was a child so now I get to overly-control my lifestyle because I didn’t get to before since it was run by my sisters. My mother has apologized on numerous occasions, letting me know that she is very proud of me, and should have been letting them go yell and scream at each other instead of focusing so hard on it herself.
Ron
I’m the middle child and none of this holds true for me. I do agree that my little brother did get spoiled and my parents were more laid back on discipline when dealing with him. But I don’t have any of those “middle child” traits. The only thing I can see relates to my situation is that my sister was “in charge” growing up. But she was never a leader. She was just the older so my parents left her in control when they went out.
It may be that I’m the 1st boy therefore the parameter change? Regardless, I’m the most educated, most driven, make the most money by far, have been the most successful in most endeavors (was the best athlete, did better in school, was/is more motivated, etc.) and takes care of my parents as opposed to my older sister and younger brother are still somewhat dependent on my parents.
B
Reading this is completely on point. I’m a middle child (29) & it’s only been within the past year I finally found my stride . Both my older & younger sisters were spoiled while i was emotionally neglected.
To this day despite me starting my own production company, finding my own outside success, managing to avoid the pitfalls/baby momma drama of my 2 sisters, i struggle with body image, loneliness, depression, low self esteem, the hollow feeling. It’s not pretty but I’m taking control of my life one step at a time. It’s not easy but it’s nice to know there are people who can relate
Jade
This is completely true!!! I am the middle child and I have 1 elder sister and 1 younger brother. I feel like half the time my brother and sister gang up on me and make fun of me 🙁 i do stick up for myself though but i do feel quite depressed about it though cause most of the time my parents call me ‘queer’ for a joke and i basically get annoyed and they tell me to ‘chill out’ and its just like well you two are the youngest out of your siblings so you don’t know what its like :/. And i also find that i am quite secretive and bottle things up :/ and i do find that i was shy and did have low self-esteem but i think i’m growing out of that. Pretty much my whole life i’ve had to share a room with my elder sister which sucks cause i’ve always wanted my own privacy and she only moved out once and now shes moved back in :(. But i suppose in a way i am more independent and i suppose more laid back because i think i receive less attention. :/
I also feel that half the time i feel depressed…could this be part of the ‘middle child syndrome’? :/
tina
this is completly true i am 13 while my brother is 6 and my sister 4 i can see that he feels lonly and want to be the centor of attention
Lissa
I am the middle child of three girls and I am so glad I found this site. I have suppressed a lot of childhood memories because the favoritism was so painfully obvious. I finally feel like I’m not alone!
Emel
My name is Emel. I am the middle child out of 1 elder sister, and 1 younger brother. I relate alot to the things some people are saying on here although i’m not sure if i would catorgarise myself as having a “syndrome” simply because i am a middle child. Growing up for me was very difficult. I have a very small age gap between myself and my older sister who is always seen as the smarter, more attractive daughter who has always strived to be better than me at EVERYTHING. My mother is completely oblivious to my feelings (when im trying to talk to her about how im treated) and shrugs them off. My sister was bought a better car, and because she was older she DEMANDED she parked on the drive and i parked opposite because “her car was worth more than mine”. Another example, homework..She had to use the computer first because “her work was more important than mine”. If i went on a diet and lost weight its never noticed, i am always the fatter one. My mum has picked on me about my size (even though im basically the same size as her and my sister at a 10/12), ive never seen my sister criticised for anything. My sister has always been bought the best. I was the last to get aTV in the house and a laptop. My sister had her university fee’s paid for, i’m currently studying and paying myself by loan. My sister believes that i should pay for everything myself because she is now paying for herself and i should buy my own car so on so forth. Its more often than not that my younger brother will gang up on me with my sister, stating that im wrong with no explaination why. I have grown up with this all my life. My mum just shrugs everything i say stating that im “too sensitive?!”. My aunt gives my sister more spending money on birthdays as shes older. My sister has become very arrogant because of the way she has grown up. She even wrote on a personal blog (that im guessing she didnt intend me to read) that now shes moved out she thinks its better because “i dont need to live in her shadow and i can be myself now”. Wow, do older siblings really BELIEVE that if they have a younger sibling their not actually a individual?! Is it any wonder that people like me try to find some purpose in their life by justifying the way they have grown up to feel better about themselves.
My brother is definately mollycoddled by my mum. Now my perfect, beautiful sister (with her degree and her 08plate car and perfect life) has moved out its me and my brother. My mum goes out of her way to make food for my brother and whatever he needs (never has for me), and never has a go at him for sitting on his arse doing nothing. Should have seen what i got..
I guess what im trying to say is that i’m glad i’m not the only one out there with these thoughts on growing up. I’m not “rejected” from society though, as a 24 year old i fight for my own individuality and i try to make it as clear as possible that im my own person and not at the bottom of some kind of heirachy. I may not be on the same level, but i am proud of myself and tbh thats all i care about!
Makena
@Marcia: I am shocked by your insensitive and extremely unprofessional comments. Whether or not the syndrome is real, you should be a little more compassionate and tactful.
Rhianne
I am a middle child of three girls. It really sucks because my older sister get all the educational attention. she gets straight A it make me mad. my younger gets what she wants whenever she wants because she is the youngest she thinks she owes her whatever we got as children. Most of time my older and younger sisters gang up on me and just make fun of me. I am the bad one of the bunch I gat A’s and B’s and I don’t get what I want whenever I want it’s a typical middle child scenario and I feel bad for the other middle of three or more girs you have to deal with your older and younger siblings might gang up on you.
Jacey
When I read this I do agree. I also become sad. I am a middle child, to my mother, but also I am the oldest child, to my father. Either way I’m always treated like the middle child. My older sibling get’s all the attention with her drama and loud lifestyle. My younger sibling is babied all the time. I get grounded for a month, I HAVE to go through with all of it. My younger sibling get’s grounded for a month, he goes two days and than he kisses up and he goes back to normal. Being the middle child can really stink. You’re always compared to the older one, and you always have to do better than the older child. The younger one is probably the favorite child and they have a different but kinda simplar personality than the older one, which means they are always doing the right thing. The middle child is just trying to be someone else and their own self. I guess one of the worst parts is when you get even a inch out of line with everyone else and you get snapped at. Parents I get it, you want the middle child to be a role model for their older sibling and to be better than the older, but give us a break. We want to be our selfs, and treated the same. We’re not perfect, we’re just trying to figure out who we are.