Hey there! I’m Hailey and I’m a middle child š
So.. you must be wondering, is Middle Child Syndrome real or not? Is it a real issue or just another made up condition for millenials? If you are a middle child yourself or a parent of a middle child, please read on!
What is Middle Child?
A middle child is someone who is born in between two or more siblings. Being born in the middle, as you’ll soon find out, is not that simple. The middle child, unlike the eldest or youngest child, does not get much attention. Middle children are also usually considered outcasts in their families and often develop a condition called Middle Child Syndrome.
What is Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle child syndrome is a condition in which children born in the middle experience feelings of emptiness, inadequacy and jealousy. It is also characterized by low self-esteem and extreme introversion, sometimes even leading to psychotic behavior.
The middle child, unlike the eldest child and the youngest child, is not given much attention. They have to go the extra mile just to get some of it. Middle children tend to be achievers because they need awards to be recognized by their parents. Sadly, this also goes the other way around, they can be very troublesome and determined to get noticed even if it means getting scolded at or punished.
Because they lack emotional support and guidance from their parents, they will always have a sense of low self-esteem. These feelings of emptiness and loneliness make them not very friendly and maybe even weird to other people. Most likely, these negative feelings will also stop them from pursuing what they want.
Other observable traits of middle children are insecurity and jealousy. Being raised in an environment where they have to compete for attention, itās natural for them to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy of others. Seeing others easily get attention while they continue to strive for attention, these feelings of resentment towards others will continue to build up. All these repressed feelings of being unloved, unwanted or even hated can trigger an extreme case of middle child syndrome where they show psychotic behavior.
Possible Causes of Middle Child Syndrome
After discussing the common traits of people with middle child syndrome, we can find two main causes, identity crisis and lack of emotional support.
Identity crisis is very common to us all, and itās something that we all experience at some point in our lives. Wanting to be different from everyone else is very normal and thereās not much we can do about it. The other cause is lack of support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others, often leading to even more problems such as drug abuse.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that middle children should be given the love and attention that they should have had when they were young, but I believe this will only make them more dependent on their parentās approval.
There are also cases where middle children tend to separate from their family at a relatively early age to have families of their own. While having a new family means getting another chance, I do not think this is the best solution because escaping the past will not really resolve any childhood issues and these issues may haunt them for the rest of their lives.
The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome. While this may sound more like prevention rather than treatment, I think that itās never too late for good and responsible parenting.
But this is just my opinion, what do you think? Comments are very much appreciated.
Feel free to join the discussion. We’d love to hear from you!
David Sanchez
Well I’m 17 years old and I am a middle child. Most of my dressing involves music like rock. I guess the rock attitude from all decades grew on me and made me become a rebelliois person. I started to learn how to play the guitar when I was in the 7th grade, I’m in the 11th grade now and I have been asking for a guitar for the past five years. By the end of my 7th grade year my school music teacher was not their to teach me to play the instruments to master due to economic school issues. So later on my 8th grade, my sister finished her schooling at a private school and for my garduation present I get nothing but cake and she gets a new car, which she does not even have a license till this day and im here begging for a guitar for a year now. So that Christmas I wanted a guitar but my little brother wanted a xbox 360 which he doesn’t play frequently so I’m there pretending I like the present we got in which its alright. My 14th birthday I ask for a guitar they give me money to go to the mall and get clothes which I had enough of. To this day and to remind you, I am 17 years old and still asking to get a guitar and master it, its like they don’t see any potential in me but they would favor my little brother and see potential in my older sister more. As for my self-esteem its well balanced I’m in high school I talk to many girls have many friends and those who would want to put me down I ignore them so to those middle child’s out there keep your head up because your not alone.
Michelle
Although I am number four for my parents I do consider myself a middle child. I remembered how tough it was growing up, I had low self esteem and even walked with a hunch. When I had my child at 19 it was because I was looking for love. Over the years I’ve learnt to love myself. I’m 30 now and still have a few middle child syndromes left, I don’t like being left alone, I always feel like I’m being rejected and this drives people away.
middleguy
Those of you who have said that this doesn’t pertain to you, do you really think you’re comments are necessary?
Of course there are going to be exceptions with everything, and this is no different. You are lucky, and I am absolutely happy for you I just don’t think everyone else who is struggling to understand why they are who they are, needs to hear this from you.
Again, I am happy for you. Enjoy
middlemike
So I took a psych course about a year ago that introduced me to these birth order traits. And I felt like that everything that was said about the middle child had hit the nail directly on the head.
I’m the middle child.
ive been reading up on middle child syndrome and whatnot but i’d like to know how I can counteract the things that have left me the way I am today.
im lonely. different, weird, etc. No one would say this, as im good at hiding myself….but i feel like im “dumbing” myself down to be accepted…
i was hoping doin some research would help, but now i just feel helpless.
i just want to be normal….
Eugenia
Ikr!
Catlady
I pretty much agree with this article. I am 3 years older than my youngest sister who was spoiled rotten, whenever it was my birthday she would have to get a present too, if one of my parents brought home something for her and I, she had to get to pick first or she would scream and cry, and whine plus she was always told how pretty she was. I am 10 years younger than my other sister who is very smart and graduated college and became a teacher. While I am struggling, emotionally and physically my sisters are doing fine. My older sister says mean and cruel things to me, and my younger sister is still a spoiled brat. I would rather be who I am than either one of my sisters.
Ly
Iāve never understood the āMiddle Child Syndromeā or complex or personality characteristics. I never understood why people would pity me or act condescendingly when I say Iām the second of three. Perhaps itās a cultural thing, but not once in my life have I ever been or felt left out, ignored, alone or empty. Iāve actually always been looked at as the strong, dependable child, and not because my brother, who is 2 years older, is lazy or a ābig loserā as the article suggests. Thereās never been any competition between any of us; each of us has very different and distinct interests and personalities. My brother was a great athlete and very popular, I was more the quiet intellectual, and my younger sister a combination of both. My mother encouraged all of us equally and still continues to do so. (I am 29, my brother 31 and my sister 20.) It feels like a created problem that people latch onto.
dewan
it really depends on how your parents treated you. if your parents didn’t treat you like a middle child, but rather like a child, then you wouldn’t be experiencing any mcs
please don’t judge what you haven’t experienced
Amandal
Totaly agreed.. Nvr judge whn you have never being throught it.
Xan
Depends on your family. Why are you on this website?? To brag about how perfect your life is??? Clearly you havent been through it? Why would you comment. You sound like you have the perfect parents. My dad verbaly abused me my whole life. He blmed me for everything and loved my two older sisters and little brother. He then died of cancer. Im actually glad he died because i wouldnt be the person i am today. Im married to a wonderful man and just had the most perfect baby girl. I guess karma is a b$tcH. I now suffer from anxiety and am self concious of myself but my hubby helps me through this š
Paris
I think so too that it all depends on the parents. I had no problem with my siblings, but in my mom’s eyes I was invisible. Seem other people got bullied by their siblings and parents did noting. So it really depends on the parents.
Konica
Couldnt agree more. I am the middle child and hates it day after day. But like you said, one have to work on these things š
middleguy
I google searched middle child because of a joke I recently heard about middle children. Reading this article as well as these responses was definitely helpful in explaining who I am to myself. Looking back on it, I took for granted many of the things that come along with being a middle child and often ignored them. I am definitely an introvert and I continuously doubt myself. I really believe I experience ‘depression’ yet I have never told anyone. It comes and goes, but I have found that the more I focus on other things like classes and sports (things I understand and enjoy), the less I think about my shortcomings and at times I can get rid of my depression for long periods of time by doing this.
The one thing that has bothered me about some of these posts is the theme of blaming your parents and siblings for your ‘middle child syndrome’. If it exists, I have it, but I could never blame my family for it. I would never separate from my family either, I think that’s a weak way to deal with it. If you are who you want to be, they will respect and love you.
I think the more we blame others, the less we will be successful in what we want to achieve. Find those who will encourage you, and use their support in ways that will boost your confidence. I have at times thought that the only thing holding me back from succeeding in everything I want to, is my lack of confidence. In order to succeed and be happy, I have found that you must find reasons to confident, and that is something that is possible for everyone.
Make good decisions, and stay humble.
Paris
1.success and happiness are 2different things. I am a successful doctor with a beautiful family, but not happy and under treatment for depression because I was practically invisible in my mom’s eyes when I was growing up.
No matter how good of the decision a made, I never ever forget that my mom never noticed. When I became a doctor , learned 3 languages, was the only one in the family with a happy and stabe marriage and beautiful kids, my mom never ever said once, good job.
Since my mom moved closer to me because she fell in love with my kids, my life turned dark and I entered in to a deep depression.
I please do not judge all the people on this page and all the middle kids that suffered base on your good experience.
anotherLoneMiddler
Interesting. I never heard about the term “Middle Child Syndrom” until just now, but I must say, almost everything you guys list (and more), I have experienced as well.
[I had “my big list of grievances” here, but I deleted it, I found it petty when re-reading it]
I feel ridiculous writing this stuff down, because I have always hated myself for noticing these things. But I guess, if MCS is a thing, I can understand myself and accept this trait about me, maybe even learn to get rid of it.
thank you very much for this page!
christel
i think its almost true…
im the eldest in the family and i always felt that my sister(middle child) has some sort of jealousy over me. i think she feels that she should be better at something that im not good at.
i think my sister is pretty and has the potential to actually be better than me. i just feel like if i inspire her she wouldnt feel like im above her and that were sisters thus equals.
instead of being inspired she began to think that shes no match to me.
we butt heads from time to time and as the eldest i usually bent my anger on something else.
i jst hope shell know the potentials that she has and stop being such a bitch sometimes…
Skyler
I actually agree with this for the most part! I have an older sibling and two younger siblings, but I have all of the traits you mentioned. Some to the extreme! I love my parents but they definitely gave my siblings way more attention.
IDENTITY CRISIS! So sick of it haha
the odd one out
I’m 13 and a middle child today I was alone in my bedroom crying because my dad and older sistervwas makeing fun of me I redress my mum on how I felt and because I’m a girl and a teen. She said it was hallmones but I have every thing this webpage says i feel in loved by my hole family my nan goes on about when my 15 yr old sis was little and my grandad used to talk to me now I bearly get a hi cuz of my yonger 6 yr old little sis and my older sis is a daddys girls and my little sis is a mummys girl so I now have no one so if u have a middle child please treat them as they r a big or little one
Betty Jane Fairchild
My husband and sister are middle children. I would like more info on the middle child.
I am first child do you have info for me?
Thank you,
Betty Jane Fairchild
jake
This is blasphemy in terms of social resultants, and ridiculous at a functional level.
More importantly, it is utterly sad how people use it as a scapegoat in order to provide themselves with excuses for their situation and insane thought processes. You either achieve what you want, or you don’t. Simple as that. It’s not your older and younger siblings fault, and shame on you for blaming them for your own lack of effort. Absolutely ridiculous. It’s no wonder the American society is so malformed and self diluted. We believe in crap like this.
Who's That Lady
@Jake:
This article is NOT blaming older or younger siblings.
This article is only bringing to light an absolute truth that, like the middle child, is often overlooked.
I say this from experience.
In my situation, I am the youngest of three to my parentsā¦they got divorced and I lived with my fatherā¦by the time I was 4 he had remarried and began having more childrenā¦I was then considered the middle child and I became almost invisible.
For example, I went to my 8th grade graduation by myself because my father and his new wife attended my youngest siblings Kindergarten graduation.
It was not so much that I was envious of my youngest sister, but that I began to feel that my ābeingā was not significant to my family.
To this day, I am the only sibling who left homeāto another stateāand never returnedā¦not even for my fatherās funeral.
Childish? Possibly.
But another way to look at it is to remind myself that my emotional needs were often overlooked by parents I wanted so much to please.
To avoid the pain of being ignored, I subconsiously became emotionally disconnected.
And unfortunately, this āemotional disconnectā has also affected my future relationships.
I really enjoyed this article. It gives me a starting point to āgrow-upā and become connected again.
Alex
I hope that never happens to me!
Nathan
I cried reading this. So sad it was
David
Im a middle child also .Im 27 years old and i hate being the middle child!! .I feel unloved all the time ,Feel the need to try and get my mother And Fathers approval for everything (wich never happens) My eldest brother is a teacher .I work in a supermarket,And my bitch sister is a lazy slob who breeds children for a living!! Yet She gets all the support from my mother .And i get none :S .My mother never wants to spend time with my children .Yet spends alot of time with my sisters children .Its Just dam right hurtfull!!! And to be honest with you all .No matter how much talking you do with your parents to try and get a little bit fairness for yourselfs .I dont think you`ll ever ever get it !! .Theres only realy one solution for a middle child i feel… Cut your family out of your life .Don`t let them know that your doing it .Do it gradually .By doing things like ignoring txt phone calls not going to parents as often avoiding family ocasions etc … That way your not seting your self up for rejection and making you self feel shity about your self !!! .And lowing your self esteem .Well thats what im trying to do at the momment anyways i`ll let ya all know how it turns out P.S keep your chin up š xx
Mark
I’m a middle child. The middle of three boys. I had a hard time
finding my identity growing up. One day I looked at it this way.
I can be both the older, and younger brother at the same time.
Think about it your older brother will never know what it feels
like to be a younger brother. Your younger brother will never
know what it feels like to be an older brother. As a middle
child you can be both.
Lawrence Kreger
A lot of the middle child personality traits apply to me. I always tended to be the opposite of my older brother, was something of a loner and then would also sometimes do things just to get attention. I have the instincts of a peacemaker.
Despite being the middle child, my brother and father used to complain I was my mother’s favorite. Actually, she set higher standards for me than she did for my older brother or younger sister. My older brother could fight them more and my sister was spoiled and not expected to toe the line very much.
andrew
I believe a the severity of this issue is the years apart of each sibling. I am a middle child and my older brother was only 2 years older so we did everything together. My parents put us on the same sports teams when we were growing up and had the same group of friends. Growing up I was always doing something with him so when we were in high school and he had his own group of friends I struggled to maintain my own circle of friends. It hurt my grades in school but got better in college when he wasn’t living at home anymore. Even now we both had to move back home and we have the same friends, he is the one that gets contacted whenever our friends plan something. It just seems that whenever he is around I feel almost useless. Now I keep to myself by playing golf (scratch golfer…hard work), reading, and playing video games. I go to school, I work, I’m lucky to have one day off during the week and he calls me lazy. I even had plans to go to a golf management school but didn’t go because when I told my brother about it he dropped out of college to go to the same school. I’m 25 years old and it finally feels like I’m doing my own thing. It may not be much but it’s a start.
Aaron
I almost cried reading this. Nice to see you getting through it.
Emma
I was the oldest of three kids. I was treated as a middle child which is odd I know. I was never into sports because the only sport I love was when I was on the swim team but we moved and they did not have a swim team. As a child I constantly remember doing everything by myself. Whether it be playing or sleeping in my own bed etc. My little sister could do no wrong as a child and was spoiled but I will say it caught up to my mom when she became a teenager. I never felt love as a child but did get it when I met my husband. We now have a son and I make it a point to make sure he gets more than enough love.
Stump
Could agree more. being a middle child sucks, the most subtle double standards you have to face 24/7 couldnt be more annoying.
Deeqa
im the 3 of 5 (first girl) and this describes me haha š
Cathi Mowen
I am the 3rd of 5 and the 2nd of girls. I have always felt this way until I found the love of my life. He has treated me with respect and more or less put me on a pedestal. He gives me the attention that I was lacking at home within the family. Since I have an older brother and older sister it seemed as if they received most of the attention. Then the two younger sisters were are parents favorites because one looked like dad and the other looked like mom and the baby of the family. That is the reason I had only two children. I wanted to give my children something I never received and that is “LOVE”. Love is everything to a child.
Ali
I looked up Middle Child Syndrome as it relates to a case I am currently studying for a course and stumbled across all these people who have obviously sought out a place to share there misgivings about being a middle child.
I am a sixteen year old middle child, with an nineteen year old brother and an eleven year old sister. My experience as a middle child has been somewhat different as my brother has Asperger’s Syndrome. This means among people of our own age my brother appears awkward and uncomfortable; he finds it difficult to communicate and even his gait changes when under the gaze of his peers. Give him a room full of adults or young children, however, and he is fiercely intelligent, witty; completely in his element. when with people our age, i feel i take the leadership role and it is one of the few times when i feel my voice it at it’s loudest.
When my brother and I were young, as a family, we considerably worse off than we are currently. we didn’t have a car and lived in a small house in a cold climate. when my sister was born she had a lot of health problems, we almost lost her two Christmases in a row, so my parents made the decision to move south on the hope that a milder climate would be better for her. in moving, my mum got a job that improved our income so my sister, who was two when we moved, has never wanted for anything and i think she does take that for granted on occasions.
This means my role, as the middle child, generally, was more of a supporting one. i have never had health problems, problems at school or problems fitting in. At home or in family situations, i would say that my brother takes the leadership role as he is confident and extremely eloquent; my sister also fills her stereotypical role of the sweet, innocent child. i have a good relationship with each of them and would say i am the one who backs them up; the reassuring one. i have always been a good listener, my parents tell me that as a child i would always spend five minutes watching a situation before joining in and would always talk to a person before i made a judgement about them . this could be conceived to be an introvert personality however i would, of course, say i am mearly thoughtful. Although, even as a baby, i didn’t have an attachment object such as a teddy or blanket; i preferred people. i feel that being the middle child has just made me that bit more independent or mature. i feel absolutely no resentment towards my parents or siblings and after reading all these articles and comments i feel extremely lucky to have the family that i do.
ali
Nathan
I’m a middle child and this explains my situation in my family exactly, I’m 14 and introverted, actually I’m INTP. My external life sucks except for pot. But my internal mind thrives. I would probably be dead without my thinking personality. I sit at home and self teach myself about physics, astronomy, and astrobiology(and troll on Facebook). From 2-5th grade I was on anti-depresents, I was kicked out of my gifted and talented classes because I wouldn’t communicate enough. Fuck school. I’m extremely intelligent and don’t learn anything in school. I fail all my classes because I don’t do any of the work and Always scored advanced on state standerd tests. I’ve been reading at a high school level since I was in 7th grade.
Fiona
I am a middle child and have gotten the very short end of the stick. I am now 18, with an older brother and a younger sister. Both of my siblings as well as having the typical traits of oldest and youngest siblings both have more than their fair share of medical problems. Because of this I am the first of the three to go to uni as my older sibling is too sick to finish high school. Yet despite this great achievement my parents do not seem to care. Don’t get me wrong, they do love me, but whenever they discuss uni they just complain about how much I’m costing them. They are sometimes just too busy to notice me while they are focusing on the sick too.
Wes
I’m 16… I’m a military kid which is stereotypically bad (correct), I’m the middle child, and the only boy. My dad is either always gone or mad at me. I’ve done everything to stick out and it’s hard as hell. I’ve done my very best and my older sister was always better. I’v done my very worst and achieved nothing. I’v gone through several states of depression, all secret from my family. The one time I mentioned it I was called “dramatic” and never taken seriously. I’v considered suicide many days and still often wonder what it would be like to just have all of this weight off of my shoulders. I have terrible luck as well… I’m constantly losing things, and dissapointing people. DRUGS didn’t help. TRYING hard to stand out didn’t help and only made me feel as if I was being something I wasn’t…. Real friends are about the only thing that ever made me feel better. Someone who you can let yourself out to, who can understand you… thats what helps. I am a JUGGALO and that helped. I joined a group of people who are similar to me in many ways and accept me for who I am. It’s hard to find your hold on the world… but when you do, freaking hold on tight! Because if you let go then theres no telling how far your going to fall.
niall14
I’m the 3rd out of 4. My younger sister is 2years younger than me and always got help on her homework when she asked. I am probably the smartest for my age and when I was “stuck” on a question I was told to get “unstuck “. My older sister (2nd) is my mums clear favourite even though she has “no favourite” she always takes her places and buys her things and talks to her (btw she is 18). She isn’t the brightest and has no common sense still my mum adores her. My oldest sibling is my brother who is 19 he is strong and quite smart he is ery spotty and goes to uni. He would probably come 2nd in favourites he always punches me and my sees it but she never really told him to stop it forcefully. All my siblings call me GAY but I’m not, I get a slight bit of attention from my dad. I sing and play the piano but my mum never comes to my recitals. It is just getting to the stage now where I am going to crack and throw a fit and beat the head off someone. It is just sickening and I would like a slight bit of praise for all my achievements and academic success. Even in arguments my mum believes the others ahead of me. Recently I gave a wee sister a taste if her own medicine and shouted as loud as I couldwhen she gave me the finger, for no reason she said she didn’t do it and I was blamed for it because I “must have provoked her” uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel
Im also a middle child. I have read most of the comments and can relate to almost all of them. Im 30 now and things are not much better that when i was 13.. it just got worse actually. I have 2 older siblings and 2 younger than me. The younger ones are spoilt rotten, the older ones just always think they are so clever and everyone else is so dumb they have no respect or manners-because they are so clever.
My parents openly say what children they love more (the younger ones and the one older one) and then says we should not take offence its just the way they feel. I always try so hard to impress my parents and to be good but nothing i ever do is good enough.
Lucky for me i have a wonderful fiance and his family treat me really well, i actually feel like an equal and i exist there (at my house i was just a ghost unless i must do work) .
I have now started to pull away from my own negative family because i really enjoy being around his family. Now my mom tells me im ugly on the inside and on the outside and how i have changed and im not her daughter anymore and i dont smile?? When i tell her that i am treated bad and unhappy about it and that i always try do my best for everyone she just says i should sort it out myself or with each family member and get over it..My big problem is i work for our family business, so im surrounded by all of them- all day.. and it makes me vey depressed, i am looking for another job cause i feel that it is affecting my mental health staying in this situation.
Why is it that the children who try their best and never give parents trouble are the ones that get treated the worst, and the kids who are drug addicts, disrespectful, rude and spiteful will be the ones who are loved the most??
The one thing i have learnt from all of this is that i will never love one child more than the other-when i do have my own kids, i will love and treat them all the same cause i know what it feels like to be the unloved and ignored child.
Ericka
Reading these comments and this article finally make me realize that I’m not crazy! I have felt completely out of place my entire life. I actually don’t even speak to my “mother” because of the way she had treated me. My younger brother has been treated line a king and I hate him and my mother for it. My aunt and grandmother treated me good, and I’m extremely grateful for that. And I purposely only had one child so that I could never favor one more than the other. That is the worst thing you can do to a child. My daughter is my favorite snag I treat her far better than my mother treated me.
lilibeth
it is so interesting to be in the middle child ,actually when I was growing up some people called me blacksheep, I didn’t mind them because I know deep down in my core that I need to do something in order to recognized me and it works,I got my parents attention and love.Maybe one of the reason why the troublesome in your family has more attention is that they know that you can handle things ,you have a strong quality that others doesn’t have and don’t let anyone take that away from you.And now that you found a fiancee your mom is afraid to loss you and she might say those word is because to upset you.Whatever they say stay focus if you feel unhappy let them know about it and go which you think will improve your life because it’s hard to regret ,do what you have to do but be sure to explain your side with your parents if they don’t listen then be it, just PRAY….I’m wishing you for the best
John
Ok so my story is typical with minor exceptions, such as my older brother has always been the ‘genius’ and my little brother has always been the ‘baby’ and my parents treated them accordingly. When I was 12 all I did was try to impress them wether it was by grades or just making myself known.. Sadly I never got the attention I deserved and was actually physically harmed a lot more then my siblings and they called it punishment. I also remember a instance where I nudged my younger brother and he lost balance and fell, which he then screamed at the top of his lungs and my father came running down the stairs with a look of hate and rage. He the. Struck me then told me to get on my bed as I was struggling in my tear filled stuper he grabbed my leg and pulled me to the floor and as I screamed in fear he hagan spanking me as hard as he could then he yelled get in the corner.. I still suffer mental scars from this and probably will never get over it. But really I think that parents can be cruel and favorative no matter how much they lie. I hate my parents most of the time I can muster up some love but I count the days til I get out of this house..
Bethany
I’m 12, my sister is 15 and my brother is 5. I am usually blamed for everything, called a trouble-maker because when I get bored I wind people up. I do tend to find that my parents treat me worse then the others. My sister has more responsibility, more freedom and when she does things in school she gets applauded. I then have expectations to meet, more pressure to do well. My brother is also autistic so her obviously gets even more attention. He also gets spoilt and my parents see him as an innocent angel.
Nicki
Ugh I’m almost the same way, my parents r divorced, I live with my mom. I am 11, my older sis is 13, and my younger bro is 9. They think my bro a comedian, my sis the wise conservative 1 who takes after my mom. And idk wut I am, the 1 who wears mascara b4 my sis even did. ( sis is VERY against me wearing makeup) I think my mom favors my sis and whenever I c my dad he acts like he favors my bro. I don’t think I’m favored y any1 and it totally sucks. My parents always deny having faves, but I kno they do. I just want 2 b an equal. They look at me as a troublemaker, too.
Glenn
I am a middle child to an older brother that committed suicide in his early 40’s and a younger sister whom I have cut communication with after her husband slandered my Father after his lengthy battle with colon cancer through social media. I took an interest in the military at a young age and devoted quite a lot of time to it. Still serving after 21 years, I now suffer from borderline personality disorder and clinical depression. I binge drink on occasion and have recently been moved from my home Province and out west away from any shred of a support structure. Not a day passes that I don’t think about suicide myself. No children, no interests, no hobbies, no livliehood. The military doesn’t care. No one really cares… I stopped caring long ago… I would have low self esteem if I had any right now. Things seemingly can’t get any worse… -Glenn 42
Luke Molloy
Glenn,
i read ur comment an i understnand u , i am always being told that i am inferior to my siblings and that i am academically and athletically inferior to them,. however ive used this criticism as a driving force, they cannot tell me that i am inferior, i will prove that i am not. I am 16 and i am a national gold medalist in croos country , a award winning entrepreneur and i have received higher in my state examinations than my siblings, however i am still told that i am not as smart or athletic because if my siblings actually tried to set up a business or ran that cross country race they wouldof beat me ? i use their criticism as a reason to work harder and i am a sucessful person. dont let people say u cannot do things. look at yourself u are a strong worthy person. you have been in the liltary for 21 years, not many epole can say that, your an amazign inspiration. care about u and see your strength. I can see your potential, if you get involved in sometyhing as simple as an art class , i find u will meet new people who will see your worth and you will excell , i see the potential 100% , no one ever saw potential in me and look at what i have achieved.
I care and i berlieve i you that u can be the best and do the best, ever want to talk [email protected] .
Sarah
I’m the middle child too. One older sister, who is the attention seeker of the family, and one younger brother, who is the spoiled ‘angel’ that can do no wrong. I’m a teenager too, like my siblings, but feel years ahead of them mentally. Being ignored in my family is a given, but has taught me to focus more on my academics. Being blamed for everything in my family has taught me to aspire to live on my own as soon as possible. I always feel alone. I always feel ridiculed. I always feel like I’m just a guest in their house – an unwanted guest at that, and they too are waiting for me to leave. Having said that, reading this and all these comments has made me feel more normal and less resentful towards my parents. Thank you x
The One in the Middle
OMG!! You have described me! I am now 59, but I STILL feel like the “third wheel” in every situation. I guess it really never goes away! I too, have an older sister, and a younger brother…(who I am close to now) My sister was always the pretty one and the smart one. My brother was the “clown” and the baby. And me?? I was just the middle one. That is how I felt then. It is how I feel now. My dear Mother is still alive, and she has treated me alot lot better since I am now older. But when I was growing up, she never seemed to have time for “me”. She was too busy working, and doing things for my sister and brother. I do not blame my parents anymore, but I still feel alone in a crowd, and I will always be – “the one in the middle.” It has been a pretty lonely life for me. But I now understand ME alot better now. Good luck to ALL the middle ones!!
chiranjib
I was in effect a middle child; My older cousin is 12 yrs senior than me.(he grew up in our house due to his family problems) He is my father’s darling while my younger sibling (a genuine brother) enjoys a special bond with mother. I am much closer emotionally to my mother than my dad but still not as close as my younger brother.
It has probably helped me in academic field (think independently ans with a bit of intuitive creativity, honestly my mom and dad are academically unappreciative of creative theories,so are my other two brothers).
Also I have grown up as a classic middle child; low on self esteem, a bit off-track,introverted while other members of family are boisterous and yeah,lonely and sometimes feeling unworthy of love.
On the plus side; it has taught me academic creativity,honesty and integrity.
chiranjib
I was in effect a middle child; My older cousin is 12 yrs senior than me.(he grew up in our house due to his family problems) He is my father’s darling while my younger sibling (a genuine brother) enjoys a special bond with mother. I am much closer emotionally to my mother than my dad but still not as close as my younger brother.
It has probably helped me in academic field (think independently ans with a bit of intuitive creativity, honestly my mom and dad are academically unappreciative of creative theories,so are my other two brothers).
Also I have grown up as a classic midd
YoAddicts
I am a REAL middle-child, and I have left my family since I was 14. It is true that I have experienced low-esteem, but don’t GENERALIZE MY LIFE!!! I will prove to ALL that I can be a LEADER, I am currently in Chemistry Honours at McGill University
Jen
Wow! How eye opening it is reading all these comments. I am also a middle child – younger bro and sis, and older bro and sis – I’m smack dad in the middle! Growing up, I too felt ignored, blamed, jealous, lonely, with no confidence, shy, the victim etc. I am now 57. I know what I’m talking about – I’ve spent years – decades – in self discovery regarding this very subject. The best advice I can give any middle child is to stand up for yourself! In every injustice – don’t let the false accuser get away with it. Even if you get knocked down and you feel no one believes you – Stand up for yourself for heavens sake! Believe in yourself – this will do more to build and sustain your self confidence later in life than anything else. Don’t yell – don’t be dramatic or cry – just approach the situation and the people involved in a civilized and mature discussion – maybe even after the incident. Even if your parents don’t want to believe you – even if they choose to favor and believe your sublings even when presented with the facts – you must not waiver – you must know who you are and where you fit in. You should think a lot about your future and don’t think it’s just going to happen. Don’t wait for your opportunities but try to make them. YOU are in control. Know your path and take it – don’t wait for it to find you. Seriously – you are in control of your life – don’t let your parents’ treatment of you define you – childhood – which can be a great time – lasts only for a brief moment – very brief in the whole of your life. You have many many years ahead and you don’t want to spend your energies regretting what can be avoided now by simply speaking up for yourself when your family tries to use you for their scapegoat or the fall guy or the butt of their jokes – and they will do it over and over again until they realize you won’t allow it because in their minds they see you as “just” the “middle” child and therefore they feel [you don’t feel this] the you have no real place and therefore no real say so about anything. It is up to you to change that way of thinking. This is a negative behavior trait of both parents and other siblings and, as a side note, you should realize that the older sibling and the younger sibling have their own family complexities to deal with – but you also have to remind them who you are – and don’t let them make their bad behavior your problem. I have many examples of this growing up – but the one thing I regret is that I couldn’t find a way to stand up for myself and either speak up about the truth of the matter – even if you get shot down at least you are speaking the truth – or when your family uses you as a scapegoat and you became the person to blame or the cruel butt of their joke. Be proud of who you are for you are a unique individual and nobody can define you except yourself. If you are proud of yourself, it will show! This will help your parents too – for later in life – when you’re all grown up – they too will have regrets if you’ve allowed them to treat you as a victim or as a scapegoat. Being proud of yourself and not allowing people to mistreat you, will go a long way to creating a stronger family now, but when you have your own family later in life.
Middle Child 101
I’m the only girl yet still getting shouted at and being blamed for every cause of destruction.My two brothers always beat me up and they don’t get scolded.Sometimes I slap myself or hit my head.I’m kind to everyone but if my brothers make me mad I go crazy,well I kinda have anger management problem something like that but is it even fair to treat me like that.I am what I have all those problems up there.I am just like a servant or just like shadow out of the darkness.Everything I do just comes up to fail.They don’t appreciate me at all.I’m always left out.
Tanuja
Dear,
I feel your pain.
You can discuss your agonies with me
Write to me at [email protected]
Love you.
Wes
Hey. It sucks… It really does. What does help is if you find someone to make some sort of relationship with (friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, cousin) ANYONE… and attach somewhat to them if you guys are alike. Then distance yourself from your family… just as you can be treated bad so easily, you can be forgotten just as easily too. And sometimes being forgotten is the best thing in situations like that. Depression has always either dragged down on me or been chillin just down the road. I’ll never get completely over it, but REAL friends help. Find Someone.
Lucy
HAaron,when you gave me that advice,
I used it and thought about others out there just like me.
I couldn’t like realized about others or people experiencing m.c.s.
Its just that i was to stressed.
Your advice was helpful and your cool for it.
Everyone here means a lot to me.
You know what you done aaron,if your reading this,
You changed my life with this advice.
Mom,she finally respectfully talked to me.
If any of you deny me for this,i recommend you don’t say anything.
Im not your average 12 year old girl
im more independent,all these words come from the heart.
Thank you all people,i highly respect you all.
Hurt
I am also a middle child. I have struggled with dissapointments and also have low self esteem. I try to look at each dissapointment as a learning lesson, and try to grow. I try as much as possible to separate myself from my family, i dont want to hurt anymore. I am now 33. I have a family of my own now. My family loves me and i feel like i belong. After any family function or hoilday i always end up crying and all the old feelings come back.My mom, dad, and siblings always find a away to make me feel like the black sheep. I want to cut myparents and siblings off completely. I am so hurt with the things they do and say.
Candace
I think MCS is just an excuse for middle children to act afool. My sister is the middle, and I am the youngest. We also have an older sister. We all got the same amount of attention and affection from our mother. From the time we were very young, middle sister never wanted to share. Always had to be in the spotlight. Still complains at age 47 that she always got the short end of the stick in every situation from childhood on (always looking back, never ahead). It was always that we got everything and she got nothing. My older sister got a used car with no trade-in value and one semester at a community college. Middle sister likens this to a new Mercedes and a four-year Ivy League education. I was “the baby”. Not only did the other two get away with EVERYTHING, the tortured me through the growing up years. I was always punished more severely and smothered by our mother. Yet, I don’t have these perceived issues that middle sister has. She never wants to go to family things or help her family, but any of her so-called friends need something…even a stranger on the street…she rushes to their aid. Never does anything out of the kindness of her heart….always looking for that pat on the back she feels she was denied. She is evil, hateful and hurtful. She never apologized once in her life. Sorry, middle children, time to grow up!!
nick
From your story, you just seem to justify the claims that all of these other people have made in other comments. Understanding how hard things can be for middle children is next to impossible to do if you have never lived it. You have proven that the older and younger siblings often seclude and hate the middle child. Also, you’re sister may have turned to acedemics because of the lacking emotional support she received, explaining why she pushed to be more successful.
Ericka
You need to stfu! You sound like the classic youngest child. This is about being the middle child, and you can’t relate so please keep your comments to yourself!
Tania
Your the youngest. U don’t understand how it feels to be the middle child until u live it.
maria
As I read this.. it makes me cry! Because this is all me.. and I mostly experience it in a age of 12 to 19.. anything I do is not good enough.. I always try to please everyone but end up failing.. always have low self self-esteem š
cah
so meeeeeeeeeeeeeee….
but not actually psychotic.really.
i felt unloved, that no one cares for me.. and the only way for me to be loved by others is to make them happy.. i felt less important and feeling empty.
but now i’m working my way to overcome every thing..to unleash the emptiness and the feeling of being unloved and unimportant ^_^
Jeniffer
well i am a stupid middle child
I think i am suffering from this, and also am emotionally unstable at times!!
I thought it was just hormonal imbalances but it was this!!
I went to the Councillor to share my problems but she was a b***h she asked me to write my feelings on a paper i did it!! But she never showed up!! Well I think that if middle children are to suffer from such crap then I deal with it by saying that my parents love my sister cause she is the first one n my bro cause he is the youngest.
And I don’t like my mom in perticular, she is trying hard to win my love, but she seems used to her partiality and i to the ignorance.
It’s wierd to talk about things that she usually discusses with my sister!!
I also have a feeling that my mom is just loving the one who loves her the most,i do l0ve my mom , but i also can’t justify it by showing care and affection towards her,which she (my sis) perfectly does. So she loves her the most!! This kills me but i also don’t want her attention. (it’s wierd)!!! So, is this like normal or i’ve to change my attitude???
Actually i don’t want her love!! sometimes i like it when she hurts my feelings!! So, is this like normal or i’ve to change my attitude???
HOPE YOU HELP!!
mom of 3 1/2
I have 3 children and I am 6 months pregnant. My children are 14 year old daughter, 8 year old daughter, 2 year old son. My 8 year old daughter has several of the issues listed above. She doesn’t have many friends. She never gets invited to birthday partys, play dates, ectā¦she doesn’t put much effort in her school work, homework, cleaning her room, helping around the house, ectā¦I feel so bad for her. It breaks my heart when I get frustrated with her when it really isn’t her fault. It breaks my heart when she doesn’t have anything to do with ‘friends’ or talks about birthday partys for classmates that she didn’t get invited to. I need help with my baby girl.
Mackenzie
I am a middle child, and I soo have this. Sometimes I hit my head several times on the wall, devote my time to video games, and sometimes have huge, psycotic outbreaks. My older sister is lazy, rude, and never around the house. She is still spoiled and is treated like a baby. My younger sister is spoiled and whenever she gets an award, mostly the same award I got when I was the same age, and she is treated like a princess for the whole night. I never got the same. Sometimes, every Friday night, I beg them to go out for dinner, when I stay home. So then I can express my personality outloud to myself. They think I am a fat, ugly, hermit, freak, that has no future. I am really a beautiful, sweet, creative, smart, talented singer. They don’t know any of that. They only have time for my little sister and sometimes I cry because I don’t know if I exist anymore.
– Mackenzie, “Untold Stories” Blogger
Sarah
Mackenzie, I am genuinely feeling that way too. My parents worship the ground my siblings walk on. My older sister is like a child, who will never move out of the house because she depends on my parents too much, but is hardly ever around anyway. When she is, she thinks she owns the place and treats me like dirt. My little brother is idolized. My mother thinks he is her baby and her ‘angel’. To me, he’s just a spoiled brat.
They don’t see me. They don’t see my talents. My brother will do average on a class test and it will get put on the refridgerator whereas they don’t even ask me how end of the year exams worked out. They don’t notice I’m there, unless I cause trouble which is hardly ever the case.
Reading your comment was like reading something I could have written into a diary. I hope that things get better for us both.
Sarah x
thisisme
i agree,this is all me here. everything that i have gone thru since i was a kid up to now. i feel as tho my brother gets this as well due to me and him are both the middle child but for his sake i feel like everyone cares more about him than me. i always try to make everyone happy but seems to always fail instead i get in trouble. if i clean or something nice i never get appreicated it for it,its like they dont even care or complain about something else. i always get the blame. im in my twentys and dont know how to drive how embarressing,my parents do not trust me at all or even let me try to. i feel like im a disappointment in everyones lives. i try to make friends yet they all end up turning on me. really feel like im cursed with this nonsense that i deserve so much more. dont see myself with a career dont see myself finding that one person im married to dont see myself being a mother..is just so much. i try to talk but still doesnt work out as i thought it will. much more the less im invisible. family members dont like me much. i rather feel great to have my alone time when i get that chance it helps. boy its like the worst to be a middle child.
siobhan
I am trying to find out what’s wrong with my sister she dislikes her family but so popular and caring with others outside the family. She is a pretty and confident person, I think some of the above comments may appply x
Heaven
Learn to LOVE yourself for no one els will love you more then you do.
Then that’s when you’ll learn to love again.
with love, there is hate.
no love, no hate.
Love with the nature, get acquainted with nature, get acquainted with yourself for that’s what we are.
Your closest friend is you. right here.
We need not look elswhere.
Chose the right path.
just know that, if its pleasure, there will be pain.
These form of circle ———-that keeps turning around.
just like the world itself.
Bad and evil regard this; Pleasure and pain is not the path.
if you can take the right path, Keep it up and go over it again and
again until your pathway is smooth and trim. until you reaches your goal. What ever that may be, endurance and Perseverance=patient.
We may lose our self sometime, be aware of it. And try to get back on track others wise, it will be like starting all over again.
speaking from personal experience.
Peace
Heaven
Molly
After reading all of these comments, yours meant the most to me. I appreciate your appreciation for “circles”. I believe in them as well. It’s not often I come across this kind of philosophy. It’s interesting. I am actually trying to research MCS to better understand my older sister. She’s the middle sister. She and I have had rough patches along the way in life. There are 3 of us girls (all 2 years apart). I’m the youngest(32)- she is 34 (and now pregnant with her 1st child). She has always had what I call a “mean streak”. She’s cold and often takes things out of context or takes things completely the wrong way, causing unnecessary discomfort and sometimes results in more damage with cutting words . I guess I am writing because I just appreciated your positiveness. Are you a middle child? I am trying to understand her better. I love her and have always looked up to her and constantly want her approval. I can’t help that I’m the youngest just like she can’t help that she is in the middle. She is the most successful of our family and is constantly disappointed in us when we don’t “plan out” everything. She is very organized and put together. The rest of us have a relaxed and casual way of going through life, we are successful but not as so compared to my sister. Most of us feel that she sets her expectations so high that we are always disappointing her because we just don’t make time to plan everything just “so”. We all put most of that kind of energy into our work and when we are done and it’s family time- that’s when we prefer to “relax”. It’s never what we do it’s what we don’t do that sets her off. I just want to understand her. I don’t feel as though I “like” her as person because of how cold she can be, she often has no regard for other’s feelings and frankly has a “doesn’t seem to give a rip” attitude. Neither does her husband (especially him). He resents my family because I think he has similar issues. He is a middle child also and also grew up without a Dad because he molested his sister. I don’t think they have ever had counseling for it. I think her and her husband feed on each other creating unnecessary hate. I can feel it when I’ve “disappointed” them. I’m just trying to understand and perhaps receive guidance. I want to have a peaceful relationship with her and her husband and new baby. I love her and sincerely care about having a strong relationship. We used to before she got married, we had a really good relationship when she lived on her own. Anyhow, I may be writing out into space but I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest. Thanks for listening.
anonymous
I would probably this the life of the “perfect” middle child. I am bullied constantly and it continues every day of my life. My mother can often get over agitated with me and screams making me more then depressed. I have two older half sisters who my mother adores ( A nurse and a hairdresser) they both have done great in life. Then I have a younger 8 year old sister who is the so called baby of the family. So she is not really punished and also does her share of teasing me. I am on medications for anxiety and am now in therapy. I would love to say I made this up and one day I will wake up from it but sadly I have been awake the whole time, I have tons of problems sleeping because when I try to sleep I dream of being murdered. This doesn’t seem like a syndrome but more like a freaking chain gift wrapped around my neck.
middle child
Its hard being the middle child. For years I felt that I was always the one getting blamed for everything, being in trouble more often. I used my unstable emotional ability to keep my loved ones away. I couldn’t help always pushing them away and It was because I really wanted.the attention which I didn’t get.
Heaven
This is to anonymous, Don’t put your hope in God.
Expecting, or hoping for it to hand down you something good or plans is not an ideas. Please roll it, lay out the paper and blueprint it out.
Plan your own plans. Dreams come true. Plant your seeds.
There will come a time=when meet at the present the fruit will rip.
Before it get SWEET, first bitter.
Think back and you’ll see it. “you have thought of this and now here it is!”
Don’t disappoint your parents, so do Good. Believe in Good. as if you believed in God, just add another o.
And look back at it, and you’ll be joyous.
Ungreaful, Unfair Parent.They need to change their old style ways, they should know how it feel to be treated like that but they still do it anyways. (Karma) That’s why their parent is like that and so are they.
Best way is to leave them alone.
Yet you care for them, aknowlegde them.
You can also feel sympathy for them.
Cuz of how they are is because that’s how their parent treated them.
Even thought they know they are WRONG, both parent and the befor parent still do it! WE NEED TO PUT A STOP TO THIS CHAIN OF MADDESS! Its dispecable! Disgusting, and when you look at them how they are UGLY internal and external. Beauty is skin deep, but Ugly goes straight to the BOONE!
As a Middle child I know how it feel and can relate to all of the story here writing by us middle child. Except that I’m not jelous of my siblings.
For I have felt indepedent since 13 year of age I was mature.or even before that.
@ 22 I discover life, pholosphy about it. Learn how to let things goes. Which is indeed hardest things to do is to let things goes.
Why? cuz you are considerate and caring.
unlike the heartless siblings. whom give a shit about none another they his lazy ass self. now that is fire that you like to avoid at all cost.
but then again you care for it, and it will bit you!
so be careful and learn from your mistake. Don’t let it happen to many time. I know it might be tough but you need to be tough!
I one time was about to leave the world. By mean leave is not of what you think, but in a good sense. IS to leave the world. To leave OURS trouble that we give/affected them. We try to do ours best.
But no matter what we do, we are always fill in the blank.
Yes I use the trem (we) as in us the middle child. Yes we do talk to our self don’t we? lolz
I don’t have low self esteem, but did have lack of knowleged and understanding for we have no teacher until we found it.
which lies within.
And to keep yourself sharpen we need to train our self and have disapline.
and help one another.
Have COMPPASION for all begins. For they are stupid, or maybe even dump. Remember treat one, like one.
You/Me are one. One world. but two side.
GOOD AND BAD
Be good, and good will be good to you.
Be bad bad will be bad to you bone.
At my age now Im still learning. Im still depress at time. lil less now.
with help of Mother nature. Thank you for ease my mind. MUAHZ
however there are others ways, by going out for walk, think positive.
Enjoy life, live a little go out and have fun. right?
for me ummmmmmmmmmm sure why not?
lets do it!
go do YoGAA! its really help your mind and body. which is a good thing, its like killing two bird with one stone. so you have heard.
Yes, develop good quality in yourself. and know for yourself.
Don’t care to much for what people have to say for it goes out as long as their lips.
don’t let it pass that. cover your ears. for its stink! let alone smelling it. lolz
F@#$! what they say!
ugggggggg parent think they knows everythings dont they?
s#!T, I really think the best time, when you’re free is when you’re alone. By mean free (when you’re at ease, peace of mind) without the help of Mother nature.
but I love Mother Nature for she is beauty In All aspect.
Breath with your breath when you can for its your friend.
Its heal you and relive stress. and make you happy when you’re alone.
OR in your own bubbles(space). We all need ours own space.
Breath it long inhale and exhale. stand, walk, sit.
As I am writing this, I to will follow my words. for this is also a refreshing my memories. The bad parent things, it still at present.
Until then. *sight* take the best care of ours self.
Its hard to control your self, but you have to let the parent know.
to show them who n how they are.
Yeah even if its seem wrong, you just have to let the parent knows.
And then you’re the bad one, you’re already bad so F it why not!
you been good, you’re still bad. so be it!
but really be good all. and have commpasion to all it will make you feel better. And don’t get jealous of others, or envious others of what they have. Be a friend, even if they aren’t your friend.
if they are your friend, value it. for it’s hard to come by.
We as a middle child don’t really have friend.
Me personally have little to none friend at this moment, and how does this effect me, not much impact. for friend come and goes.
learn it.
Its hurt but life is not what your expected.
Be happy=smile a little.
people will smile back at cha.
Hey I’m smile at you right now because you as a middle child reading this. and why did I smile at you? because you smile too.
so I two smile. or we too smile.
its late and thank you all for the story for it make me feel like you’re not alone and I am here with you. thought you’re far away.
remember young one, don’t be jealous of others for what they are and dont be envious of what they have for you might not know they once have a tough life so why not make it easy on us. on you. on me!!!!
PEACE!
Heaven
UNLOVED
I SUFFER from the middle child syndrome. I spoke to my mother today, she got defensive with me, really nothing unusual. I do not think I am envious/jealous. However, I do feel sad, have the lowest of lows of self-esteem, unloved, hated and at times depressed and suicidal. I really need help! But have no-one to turn to! I live 1,000 from home, I know no-one here and I go no-where! With the exception to the super market.
Jack
I am a middle child (or was, now an adult).My older brother is a genius and my younger brother is superconfident.I have always had to deal with middle child issues. I have read many self-help books which have helped tremendously.One said that happinesss is a choice and it is.You have a flat tire but you do not let it ruin your day.You make up your mind that you are going to be happy and you do not let anyone take that from you.It takes mental discipline to do this but it can be done.Also what do you enjoy?Music, art, computers?I am a window washer and i listen to headphones as i work.Ilove music (play sax) and adds so much enjoyment to life.I go to 5 0r 6 concerts each year, always with something to look forward to.If you like art you can draw or paint.Get some kind of hobbie as an outlet.Also do not try to please everyone.I tried it, you cannot do it.When people are mean to you ignore them if you can,it takes away the saisfaction they have of knowing they got to you.I know because i use to have a temper.Hope this helps.
Kate
Excellent advice,…great attitude and insight on how not to let how you were treated in your family get you down.A great post.
anonymous
Criticism of NLP extends beyond a lack of reliable experimental evidence to support its claimed effectiveness. The title of “neuro-linguistic programming”, has been described as pseudo-scientific because the claims, concepts and terminology may appear scientific but are not grounded in scientific research.
Einnor snomis
I could be the poster child for this.I probably have or had nearly all the signs of a middle child.While in school I would not answer any question on a test if I didn’t know the answer to all of them.I would take a zero rather than miss one answer.I never take anything at face value,I trust no body and am far from gullible.I found myself learning to connive in order to survive.I always trust my first impression of people,I always watch someone before I let them approach me.I always believe that any deed has motives,and I will dig the motive out if there is one.I do find however that peer pressure has absolutely no effect on my thinking,I tend to march to my own beat.My resistance was noticed by many of my classmates,enough for them to write about it in my year book.I tend not to have much compassion for people(something that I’ve tried to have).I have low self esteem,and get very angry if I feel someone is trying to embarrass me publicly.I also get angry if I see someone else getting bullied,so much that I have fought physically to end it.Yes I am all middle child,don’t try and patronize me,don’t try to fool me because if you are,I’ve already noticed and I’m watching you!
Chanique
This is completely true. I am a middle child and have experienced this in the past. I was very negative and had very little confidence. But as I got older, I grew wiser and accomplished a lot in life. I gained ton of confidence, and I have a positive outlook on life. I love my life now than I did before.
ME
I’m the middle child in my family and I hate to sound dramatic, but a lot of this is true. I often feel empty, jealous, but I dont really lack self confidence when it comes to looks or personality. I do tend to be an underachiever even though I am the most intelligent in my family. But I often feel empty and have an extremely negative outlook toward life. I tend to be the strongest in the family, stand up for myself and my siblings, but I always get angry when my mother coddles my younger sister(I always am responsible for her, when I dont do something for her, she calls me selfish, even if its her own responsibility). I do think middle children(myself included) often victimize ourselves. Parents need to change, and they need to stop their children from victimizing themselves because this just turns us into losers. I really dont know how to change this, parents will never change and I bet I’ll do the same to my own
anonymous
I could totally agree with you, congrats on the self confidence which i truly lack probably because of the constant harassing at school. Do not ever tell yourself your dramatizing or over reacting because honest to god this life sucks and we deserve a day or two to talk about it.
Felicia
As I read this, I found myself realizing that I have a lot of the middle child traits, but my self-confidence is probably better than my siblings. At sixteen, my parents put tasks on me, not my older sister or my younger brother. Not to sound like the overly angst-y teenage girl. I am responsible for cleaning, baby-sitting when it someone needs a babysitter, being the adult and making decisions. Growing up, my cousin, also a middle child, and I would always voice our theory of Middle Child Syndrome to our parents only to be pushed back with the explanation of being ‘melodramatic’. Now I feel better knowing that we weren’t, or aren’t, just making it up. I thank you for this.
Ms. Brown Eyes
I have to say, this website was very informative and even proved my theory about the leadership of the elder child to be right. I am a middle child, as you might have guessed, but I find that I don’t have many of the…ahem, negative personality effects that you’ve described. One of the things that I noticed was my jealousy of others. Even if it’s one of my friends who have accomplished something, if I feel that I could have done that, too, and had a chance to, I’d probably be more than a little envious.
But I find that in some cases, middle children make great, well, for lack o a better term, advisors. In my family and some of m friends, at least, the middle children are like the supporting roles to the elder child ‘s leading role. When we were little, my elder brother would often come to me for ideas on games/playful conspiracies against our parents which mostly consisted of hiding from them or pretending to be ‘the boss’ which never really ended well, if you get what I mean. But still, I acted as a conscious to my brother’s mind when he needed it, even of he didn’t realize it. I helped him when needed and took on the deeds he had seen as ‘less than important.’ Middle children make great consultants/confidents and often take the role of the right hand man.
I hope my perspective gave you something to think about.
Karolina
I never really considered being a middle child as a bad thing. To be honest…I guess itās because my older brother never graduated from high schoolā¦and so being the only one to graduate from college and university ā¦seems like I took over his role? I got all of my motherās attention because of that…not my fatherās though. He didnāt even come to my last graduation because āhe had to workā lolā¦ I never had a relationship with him. And wellā¦I donāt really feel like I need his attention anyway. My little sister is his favorite though. She looks a LOT like him. But she looks up to me and I have a great relationship with her..i always have. She is now 16. When we were younger I would use the fact she was my fatherās favorite to get what I wanted. I would say : you go tell dad this or you convince him he is going to listen to you etcā¦and she would go because I asked. ā¦and my brotherā¦I think the fact that I graduated affected him a bitā¦he is quite depressed lately. So this whole sibling thing is quite complex. Also, I feel like because I didnāt get much attention as a child I have very low self-esteem. :S and I always wanted to be an art teacher and I havenāt pursue that ā¦…BUT I am determined to turn my life around and pursue my dreams ā¦ so I would say..As long as you believe in yourself you can do whatever you want. And in a wayā¦it is great that we have siblingsā¦because they will always be there for youā¦no matter what. Unless you are stuck with heartless siblingsā¦ : S
anonymous
I am also a middle child. There are three of use brothers, and I’m one year apart from each of them. You could say this is a perfect scenario. I somewhat agree with the above description. The oldest got a lot of attention when he was young and the youngest is spoiled and always got what he wanted. I find myself naive, gullible, and voiceless. I can attribute this to a lack of attention during my youth, especially by my father. Nevertheless, I find myself always working to make others happy because I feel like that’s what will make them appreciate me. I’ve ignored my talent and passion for art in pursuit of medicine because I don’t want to disappoint my parents. All I know is that God has his plans.
Aaron
My parents clearly favor my siblings. One night my mother found our back sliding door off the hinges. Without a second thought she ran upstairs and began to shout, scream and hit me for ”Fucking the door” as she put it. A few moments later my younger brother owned up to it and my mother said ”That’s OK Darling, don’t do it again.” And just last night i saved some that i did not eat from dinner for lunch today, however, my older brother arrived home and was hungry after a night out with friends so my mother asked me if i was going to eat it. I said yes. 2 hours later she screamed at me and called me a selfish bitch for not letting him eat it even though he keeps food everyday to eat the next day. I know these issues may seem small but they hurt me allot.
I don’t really know what my point is but I had to get it out there i guess so for anyone who reads this simply remember – THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL WE JUST NEED TO NAVIGATE THE MAZE.
BAS
Aaron, This is not middle child syndrome. This I child abuse!!
Laura
That is horrible! I am a middle child and therefore know the feeling of being blamed for things that I haven’t actually done but it was never to the extent of being hit. I think you need to contact someone about advice for handling that (for example Childline). It may not seem like much now, but these things that your parents are blaming you for and doing to you now may harm you later in life. So do something about it!