Hey there! I’m Hailey and I’m a middle child đ
So.. you must be wondering, is Middle Child Syndrome real or not? Is it a real issue or just another made up condition for millenials? If you are a middle child yourself or a parent of a middle child, please read on!
What is Middle Child?
A middle child is someone who is born in between two or more siblings. Being born in the middle, as you’ll soon find out, is not that simple. The middle child, unlike the eldest or youngest child, does not get much attention. Middle children are also usually considered outcasts in their families and often develop a condition called Middle Child Syndrome.
What is Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle child syndrome is a condition in which children born in the middle experience feelings of emptiness, inadequacy and jealousy. It is also characterized by low self-esteem and extreme introversion, sometimes even leading to psychotic behavior.
The middle child, unlike the eldest child and the youngest child, is not given much attention. They have to go the extra mile just to get some of it. Middle children tend to be achievers because they need awards to be recognized by their parents. Sadly, this also goes the other way around, they can be very troublesome and determined to get noticed even if it means getting scolded at or punished.
Because they lack emotional support and guidance from their parents, they will always have a sense of low self-esteem. These feelings of emptiness and loneliness make them not very friendly and maybe even weird to other people. Most likely, these negative feelings will also stop them from pursuing what they want.
Other observable traits of middle children are insecurity and jealousy. Being raised in an environment where they have to compete for attention, itâs natural for them to have feelings of insecurity and jealousy of others. Seeing others easily get attention while they continue to strive for attention, these feelings of resentment towards others will continue to build up. All these repressed feelings of being unloved, unwanted or even hated can trigger an extreme case of middle child syndrome where they show psychotic behavior.
Possible Causes of Middle Child Syndrome
After discussing the common traits of people with middle child syndrome, we can find two main causes, identity crisis and lack of emotional support.
Identity crisis is very common to us all, and itâs something that we all experience at some point in our lives. Wanting to be different from everyone else is very normal and thereâs not much we can do about it. The other cause is lack of support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others, often leading to even more problems such as drug abuse.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that middle children should be given the love and attention that they should have had when they were young, but I believe this will only make them more dependent on their parentâs approval.
There are also cases where middle children tend to separate from their family at a relatively early age to have families of their own. While having a new family means getting another chance, I do not think this is the best solution because escaping the past will not really resolve any childhood issues and these issues may haunt them for the rest of their lives.
The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome. While this may sound more like prevention rather than treatment, I think that itâs never too late for good and responsible parenting.
But this is just my opinion, what do you think? Comments are very much appreciated.
Feel free to join the discussion. We’d love to hear from you!
Insaf
I would suggest a wonderful book for everyone. It is called “The Secret Power of Middle Children” by Catherine Salmon and Katrin Schumann. Thanks for all the comments, everyone. I learned a lot! ^_^
anonymous
I am a middle child. My sister is 4 years older and my brother 6 years younger. I’m not sure what middle child syndrome is. I have never felt that my parents loved me less or paid me less attention. My sister, the eldest, craved attention and usually found a way to get it negatively. At 45 she is still an attention-seeker. My brother, the baby, was coddled and it took him a long time to grow up but he did and is a wonderful adult today. I am 40, successful and self-confident. Being a middle child is no different from being born anywhere else in the family structure. Who you are is who you decide to be. Stop whining!
anonymous
Birth order characteristics are also highly influenced by age difference, if I’m not mistaken. I read that there is a window of about 4 years of spacing and it changes things. So, with your age ranges, you would probably be more apt to develop emotional characteristics of either a youngest child, an only child, or an oldest child rather than a middle child.
stevey d
its nice to see other people feel the same way,
im 20 middle child i have an older brother 23 and a younger 17,
right from the start my older brother was the golden boy whilst my little brother ws the baby and i feel it really got to me i became very rebellious started failing school even took to stealing from my parents just for the attention i feel that what ive been through has really messed me up i find it very difficult to make friends which is worse just having moved away and despite the fact im the only one still living with my mum and stepdad it still feels like im ignored its alwas about how they miss the others and what they’re doing i cant even get a how was your day at work anymore, now i struggle to hold down relationships because its always why cant you find a girlfriend more like your brother’s and i feel like im throwing posibble happiness away just to get some praise from my parents, so now when i do find a girl i like and they approve i tend to try and rush things so i can get that approval we all desperately crave in doing so i push them away and end up unhappier than i was before its a harsh life for a middle child
Karina
Hello im 20 yrs old and I AM A MIDDLE CHILD I thought I was the only one until I found this website. I have an older brother who is 22 and a younger sister of 7 as you can see yes I was like the baby for 13yrs and she came along but I was very excited and no I did not feel any jealousy then. I get along with my brother very well I love him so much and as well as my sister. Buttttt… My parents show more affection to my brother and always making it seem that he so perfect by the things they say about him about everything he does and I see where that comes from because he is so funny always makes us laugh and very outgoing. And of course my sister is the baby so she gets all the attention. And it seems like they always leave me out of everything. Making me feel so unwanted. Finding myself isolated in my room all the time. Plus im so shy and quiet maybe that has something to do with. I just feel that if i say i love you to them or hug them that i will be rejected since its been like 4 years that they have really hugged me and said they love me. I have very low self esteem. I’ve had suicidal thoughts because i feel so lonely especially when i see them getting along and my mom and brother all lovey dubby. I used to be daddy’s little girl but that has changed completely and i miss that. I feel like a 3yr old just wanting so much love and attention at the age of 20 and it gets even more imposibble since years go by and im growing older and tired of waiting for their love. Its just so depressing and the worst thing of all is that im guessing as parents that they are, who else would know you more than them? AND THEY CANT EVEN OPEN THEIR EYES AND REALIZE WHAT IM GOING THROUGH. I COULD WALK RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM AND THEY WONT NOTIVE ( AND IVE DONE THAT) FYI. If they seem not to care so much for me, i wonder if anyone else would? Ugh oh well. =(
Claudia
Karina, I`m sorry to hear that and I hope things are better there. But I can tell I feel quite the same. I mean, I`m 20 years old and I am a middle child. Me and my older brother are from the same parents, but last year my father had another daughter with another woman, so I know exactly what you mean by miss “to be daddyâs little girl” I do as well. And I don`t quite know how to deal with this situation. I don`t live with my father, nor does my sister, but when we are all together I dont know how to manage, I really dont. I wish I could love her as much as I love my brother, but I dont know how. And I know it is not her fault, it is nobodys fault.But the our family`s world have been such a mess lately, and there she is. I just wish I could love her, and not feel depressed, or alone. I know for my mother i`m still the youngest but anyways, i miss my dad caring about me, and I cannot open up and tell him how i fell. I just wish I could run away and start my life far from here.
But I trully believe deep down they do love us, they just dont remember we also would like to see their admiration upon us.
I dont know, I`m just trying to take care of myself If I cant expect for my dad atention or support anymore.
Sorry for english mistakes, but it is normal as English is not my mother tounge.
and best of the luck for us, a beutifull life for all the middle child born!
adrian estrada
i am 11 and i am middle child i did have a lack of love and attention.
that was when i was living with me dad. it resulted badly i got girlfriend. my grades dropped badly. then i got got rpc. when i got home, i ran to room and just cried and cried and cried. then when graduated something over the summer happend i moved back with mom. there where i was wanted and loved. Now i am in middle school and the conflict was resolved i dont see my dad but i am glad i dont see him. he said one dad that he’d pick me up at 1:00 p.m and he didnt i waited for 3 hours. and so i just went with my mom.
Joe Namath Jr.
Adrian, you’re not unloved because you are a middle child. You are unloved because you are a stupid child that can’t write in English.
Sincerely,
A middle child
Katelin
I’m the middle child too and my parents are giving me attention, not the kind I want though (btw I’m 11 too ) they made me actually get BRACES. Yeah that’s right. BRACES. I had them for a few days and let me tell you one thing. THEY HURT LIKE HELL. I feel like ripping them out and slapping my dentist. I know this has nothing to do with being the middle child but just wanted to talk about these freaking braces. I think my family actually hates me if they want me to have braces. đ
Cathy
Say I if you’re life sucks right now.
Insaf
Hi Katelin,
I know how you feel. As a middle child, we are always trying to put our needs clearly on the table, and as caregivers, our parents are always trying to equalize us with their other children. You are not alone and your suffering is endemic. I think all people in this world want more than anything to be treated fairly , and that means not losing our identity / humanity behind some braces or some role that parents and our society defer upon us. You should tell your parents how you feel about the braces and be objective in your confidence. You have every right to get the braces removed if you think it best. You are the sole person responsible for your life. No one else. Not your parents and not your dentist. Take care, and I love you.
Watch this video if it makes you feel better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_yefUKiIWs
themiddleone
I’m a middle child, 18 years old with an older half-sister and a younger brother. My sister and my mother were always closer than I was to my mother, as was my brother and my father. When my parents divorced, I didn’t really know how to feel; I always knew that my father preferred my brother over me, as his only two biological children my father would often lavish extra attention and focus on my sister, who relished with the attention and love of both parents since her birth-father was and is not around. When I was old enough, I stopped contact with my father – he obviously doesn’t want to spend his time with me, why should I bother? As I grew older with just my mother as my one and only parent, I noticed that she spent more time with my sister and brother, that those three had more in common than I did with either of them. Around the age of fifteen, I tried to change myself so I could spend time and ‘fit in’ with my mother and siblings, I did the things they enjoyed, wore the clothes they liked, listened to the music and watched the TV shows they liked; purely so we would have a common ground. When I realised that no matter what I changed about myself, my mother would always prefer my older sister – the girl who can do nothing wrong and the one she constantly compares me too, just as my father preferred to spend time with my brother. Now, I know I’m not the same as my siblings and have accepted that my mother prefers to spend time with my siblings – but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me. I completely agree with the ‘Middle Child Syndrome.’ I just suggest, as a ‘middle child’ that parents out there do not go with their instincts and treat their children this way.
Jim Rich
The main cause of middle child syndrome is lack of emotional support, which is the responsibility of the parents. So logically, I would have to say that good and responsible parenting is the real and outright solution for middle child syndrome.
>>> I want to commend you for addressing the parenting aspect of this, which many others either minimize or overlook altogether. I understand why many people wish to avoid âblamingâ parents for the Middle Child issues and so invent all kinds of explanations to put the blame on the kids themselves leaving the parents innocent and free.
In my family, our parentâs lack of emotional support included FAILING to mentally prepare my older brother for my arrival in the family and then, further FAILING to stop my angry brother from punishing me for wrecking his life.
I have just remembered that our dad taught me to fight (as a toddler) when he saw that I did not defend myself or fight back when my 1 yr. older brother was beating me up. I did not fight back because I loved and revered my brother as a cherished hero and couldnât understand why he was so mean to me. I didnât know that he HATED me because nobody taught him to lovingly accept me and I was an easier target for his rage than our parents who had set it all up in the first place. My dad actually taught me to fight rather than figure out how to change my brotherâs attitude! My dilemma was that, since I really loved my older brother and had no reason to hate him, I found it hard to hit him back! As a little kid, I didnât know that he had every reason to hate and punish me! We had some extremely vicious fights but finally did become friends. All of the hateful and ugly things our little sister and us went through could have been avoided IF ONLY our inadequate parents had been more supportive and thoughtful. I can explain why my parents were NOT supportive but it would take several more pages. They were also the victims of inadequate parenting!
Jim Rich
I am a middle child and can say that BAD PARENTING is the bottom line cause of ALL sibling rivalries.
My parents FAILED to teach and train my 1 yr older brother to lovingly, happily and enthusiastically WELCOME me into HIS family when I was born. Due to this inexcusable FAILURE of my parents, my poor brother had to view me as a menacing INVADER who was stealing his parents love, attention and time and (later on) invading his toys and personal space instead of as a WELCOME and respected family GUEST and set about to punish and reject me at every opportunity. He hated my guts because nobody let him know that I should be loved and welcomed as a FRIEND!
For me, my brother was a beloved, interesting, exciting friend and my personal hero for the first few months UNTIL I realized that he was not going to treat me very well and that I would have to get tough, mean and fight back to survive in HIS world. Our dad thoroughly enjoyed our toddler skirmishes and even taught us to FIGHT as little kids! We were given boxing gloves early on!
I can completely understand my older brothers feelings now based on our IGNORANT parentâs failures but at that time I never understood why we were such bitter, hateful enemies and our fights became very serious and dangerous by our early teens!
Neither of us would have ever guessed that our hatred of each other, as little kids, was totally due to our parentâs failures BUT even if we could have figured that out, we still would not have confronted our own parents about their pathetic FAILURES because we both adored and DEPENDED on them for everything. They were our GODS and there was no way we would have ever found fault with them or turned on them for their MISTAKES. We saw them as perfect, which simply left us with HAVING TO hate and blame each other (and our sister) for the unhappiness in our lives. We were actually VICTIMS of bad parenting but saw each other as the villains!
My brother hated me for invading his world and I hated him for abusing me. The sad thing is that our parents could have and should have seen that our hatred of each other was coming directly from THEM. It should have been glaringly obvious to our parents that my brotherâs bad attitude towards me was caused by their FAILURE to teach him to love and accept me! They should have known, the first time my older brother ABUSED me, that they had somehow FAILED to teach and train him to be good to me. They should have asked them selves: âWhere did we go wrong?â But they, like most of you, stuck their stupid heads in the sands of DENIAL and pretended that it was just an unavoidable âkid thingâ and weâd soon out grow it but we just got worse while they just got STUPIDER and STUPIDER!
Then, when our little sister was born 4 years later and our STUPID parents did not prepare us for her entry into OUR family, both of us resented and hated her too but didnât dare treat her so bad cause dad & mom loved her more than either of us boys and protected her.
Later on, our parents made the further STUPID mistake of making our older brother the BOSS over us kids when they were away from home! Since our older brother didnât like either of us, he was the worst and most dangerous âbossâ imaginable and he and I had our worst fist fights while he was in charge of us kids.
Now that I am grown up, it just kills me to realize that us kids could have been best, most loving and respectful friends our whole life IF ONLY our inept parents had made it possible by training us to happily accept each other from day one. We are currently distant, uninvolved and âcoolâ friends all because our parents FAILED to teach us to get along and love each other from the beginning.
ALL SIBLING RIVALRY IS THE DIRECT CONSEQUENCE OF INADEQUATE PARENTING!
adrian estrada
That is not true BAD PARENTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! ITS THE LACK OF SUPPORT AND LOVE
Name
Wow, I thought that my older brother and younger sister felt the same way that i have been feeling for a long time. I just looked up Middle child day and then i found myself reading this. Its a good feeling, knowing that people everywhere are feeling the same as you. It makes you feel more like you can relate to somebody, or be accepted. I am happy to know that I’m not alone. đ
Name
I didn’t know that there was a name for this. I have been feeling this way exactly as described in the text for a long time. I thought my older brother and younger sister felt the same way, and that this was normal. Apparently not. It makes me feel better knowing that lots of people feel like I do. I’m happier now. =)
adrian estrada
Good for you
Koopaqueen
I am a middle child. Im 21 years old, and I have an older brother that is 23 and a younger sister that is 19. Ive been neglected my whole child hood life, and was always the “trouble maker” out of my siblings. It was hard, i remember when i was the youngest child, then this thing.. my sister came about. I still remember how everyone’s attention shifted towards her. I had family immigrate from the phillipines, and they treated my sister like a princess. I got punished if I even got close to her! I became jealous, and outspoken because no matter how good I did in school, my father and mother didnt encourage me.
My parents got divorced, and I became the mother. I cooked and cleaned, washed clothes, all that from the age of 8. It was hard to adjust, but I was happy, now that I had a role, maybe I would get the appreciation I longed for. no. My father became abusive and hated me because I looked and acted like my mother. He already neglected me as a child and also! He would kick me out of the house at least once a week in high school. How insulting..
My brother and sister both have families of their own, they started quite young. I am not married and I dont want to have kids. If I did have kids, I would always encourage them to do good and I will always pay attention to each of them, because I know how damaging it could be.
Helen
I’m 43 and feel such an outsider from my two sisiters, they always exclude me from family meals and i’m made to feel like it’s all in my head nd think i’m paranoid. I have very low self esteam which really annoys every one as they say I have so much potential and should stop worrying and just go for it. All of the men I meet are normally from one night stands which get serious very quickly and then I finish it because I feel i’m just desperate for love and I deserve better. I feel so lonely………
Imogen
I am a middle child and also a mother of three. I am aware of middle child syndrome and endeavor to never let my middle child feel like i did growing up. Even as an adult i often feel like i am the least liked in my family and have often felt the least loved. I would do anything for my family but sometimes wonder if the same was asked of them, they would feel anything more than duty bound. My middle child is a happy, intelligent boy who knows that i love him completely for him and that i love his brother and sister completely for being them. Long may that last.
S A
I too am a middle child. I can totally relate to the article. I always feel like i should provide financially for my parents, but i don’t feel as close to them as my elder sister and younger brother. They are really considerate towards my parents. Even Iam, but i don’t feel their attention towards me. I would be talking to my mom and she’ll not listen to it. I don’t talk to her much therefore. I try to balance out fights in my family but thats all. I don’t feel close to any parent. I sympathise with them when they are sick or troubled, but i don’t feel a connection. My brother is exactly a year younger to me.
pelusa
I am a middle child of 5 kids and all my life I felt neglected and unloved by my family. We had problems in our family when we were kids and I don’t have an amazing relationship with my father but I love my mother, I know she loves me she always tells me but even-though she tells me, she never gives me the same time or the same treatment as she does with my siblings, I always think is me something wrong with my personality that she doesn’t like, I usually go out of my way to please her but she has no much time for me….. Since I remember I am the independent over achiever of my family, I was on my own at a young age but totally independent I have never asked for any financial help because I have always met my own needs, I have also pursued my dreams for my own career and have successfully achieved it. The only problem I have is that I always have this feeling of emptiness of being neglected by my family. I notice all the time the differences they have with me even today and if I ever complain about it, they get upset, so I don’t even show them how I feel. I am the only member of my siblings that is divorced so I am pretty much alone, I cant’ seem to find a good person to love me, I always end up with jerks that do not value my personality or my achievements, I need some help to help me treat the feelings of abandonment. Pls. let me know if you know any good reading material to treat this issues. Because I can’t count on my family to help.
Jacqui
Pelusa,
I know exactly what you mean, I relate to every word I am a middle child of nine, four sisters and four brothers; two older sisters, two younger sisters; two older brothers and two younger brothers. My mother married twice, I am the first child from her second marriage. My father was abusive to my mother and me. I look alot like my mother. My younger siblings don’t seem to remember the abuse. My older sisters also abused me, as a child home was not a happy place. I enjoyed school more. As a child, I was an over achiever in school, the first in the family to graduate college and the only sister to move away from home after graduating high school. My older sisters were and still are selfish, jealous and sinister. My younger sisters are clueless. Though the years, when tell them why I move away so soon, they just say, “you left home too soon.” I married my high school sweetheart seeking love and affection. Later, I divorced and realized it was a mistake, but did not know how to fix the problem. I tried talking to my father through the years before his death, but he seemed clueless of my feelings, I feel he loved my younger sisters and brothers more. Also, he encouraged my to leave town my new military husband and have children rather than pursue college. I still feel empty, alone and unloved. I cannot count on my family for help, I do not believe they want to understand.
annoymous
I am the middle child of an Asian family, one elder brother and one younger brother. Our brothers are super close with each other with well defined responsibilities, which we mutually agree and are perfectly comfortable with .
The parents would spend most of the time educating the older boy while the the 2 younger brothers will view our older brother as the guy/father who shields us from our parents while at the same educates us and takes us out, show us the parties while paying for everything. To compensate for this, the elder brother is always compensated with the most fortune, but we are very happy with this. As the middle boy, i am usually more diplomatic and acts as the coordinator at all times, i tend to soothe tension within our family, organizes family activities and plan the family trips. The most difficult part for me is to strike the balance between acting as a son, younger brother and also at the same time an older brother to my younger brother, however i tend to find my way out through trial and error and i am very confident and proud of my ability. The younger brother basically is well protected, however given how the asian culture works, although he is the all time favourite with most outsiders and he doesn’t need to pay for most of the expenses. He will have the obligation to donate his time, effort and money when called upon. This system works perfectly well with my family, and each of us are confident and proud of our defined skill sets and responsibilities.
The only adverse thing as the middle child is that not a lot of modern asian families retains this sort of culture, and I have been hard to find a partner who is well aware of how the family system works.
Nicola
Yes I am a middle child and can relate to all the issues mentioned. I have an older sister and a younger sister, we are all two years apart.
My father was very violent and abused my older sister. We all felt like walking on egg shells around him all the time.
My mum really favoured my older sister mainly because she doesn’t have the same father as myself and my younger sister, mum married our father and he adopted my older sister, even though he didn’t want to.
My father favoured the youngest, she was his daddy’s girl, one spoilt bitch and got everything she wanted. Here’s where the trouble begins, Father plays youngest daughter off against oldest daughter just to upset my mum, and I’m in the middle trying to stop the fights between the sisters (door and window smashing fights), and as a result my older sister bullied me because father was bullying her. (Pattern emerging).
The atmosphere in our house was depressing to say the least. I left home at 18 and couldn’t wait.
I am 44 now and looking back I can see where the damage stems from. I had anorexia for about 15 years and still have an eating disorder, I have been taking antidepressant since i was 20, I have slept with numerous men, just for a tiny piece of attention and to be liked. This was always a serious thing with me i wanted to be liked and fit in somewhere. I felt like i had no identity, was an outsider, non descript.
I still feel like an outsider in groups, i keep things to myself, I get nervous when i hear a row going on or see a fight taking place.
I have no contact with my father or sisters. I am there for my mum but she still favours the oldest sister and uses me for the decorating or shopping. I have no maternal bond with any of my family, hence the reason I have no children.
So all you middle children out there, you have my sympathy. I’m trying to put the past behind me but it’s still very hard.
JMJ
The article is pretty much realistic and idealistic for a middle child like me. Being a middle child is indeed very difficult to handle, and the position no children would really desire. Aside from having fuss with your other siblings, it is really difficult for you to deal with other people. Take my case for example, my mother had a cousin live in our house, and I realize that it’s not only your other siblings you are expected to have fuss with; it’s like being a middle child means that you’re totally ignored and everybody is your enemy. You see, my mother tends to ally with my cousin instead of me.. and I find it very stupid enough for first of all, they haven’t paid you much attention while you’re growing up, and worse, they tend to make you the “public enemy” in every aspect. To sum it all up, middle children are deprived not only of the attention they need, but almost all of the opportunities they should be enjoying WITH THEIR PARENTS>
not
what if there parents do not start being supportive, what can a middle child do to get that support or recover from this syndrome on his/her own?
Mom2Three
I am the mother of three sons. My middle son will tell you the middle child syndrom is horse hockey. If anything, he got more than his brothers because he asked. If a child was “overlooked” in our family it would have been the youngest because his brothers were so active and now he shines.
I am the oldest of three girls. My middle sister is the neediest. The youngest and I were always told we had to make allowances for her because she wasn’t like us but she was prettier because she was blonde. If I HAD to pick who Mom loved most it would be her but I really think we were all loved and each received what we needed as individuals. I am very independent and a caretaker. I didn’t need as much so I didn’t get it.
Assigning “syndromes” with a sweeping motion like this does no one any good. Every family has these dynamics. “Dad loves her most because she is a girl.” “He gets everything because he is a boy.” “She has no social skills because she is an only child.” It goes on and on. Someone STOP!!!
letta
i too am a middle child-smack dab in the center of 5. not 1st born, not 1st son and not the baby. any parent who claims to love all thier children the same–DON”T know thier children very well. as i now approach the age of 60 i can honestly say—that when my mother says she loves me—it’s out of guilt…and i have told her so, the reaction i get from her tells me i’m correct…. so glad i never brought any children into this world!
Lance
I have to say I think middle child syndrome is a pretty good excuse for some people. Makes you feel like you have the right to make people feel terrible when the problem lies with you.
Perhaps you need to take a good hard look at yourselves and stop being so pathetic and self pitying when you actually have a family, even if they’re not as perfect as you’d like them to be.
Kevin
I am the middle child, all very close in age, one brother 12 months older than me, one brother 14 months younger than I. Maybe it was because we are so close in age that I don’t feel or experience any of these traits. I was never “neglected” and actually received the most praise out of the three. I hold no resentments nor feel any sort of sibling rivalry, maybe I am a weird case, but I think that middle child syndrome is a bit farfetched
Kristy
Im a middle child with an older sister and younger brother both within two years of age. My mom is a single parent who works very hard and definitely feel the “middle child syndrome.” My sister goes out with friends all the time and has her boyfried around 24/7. my brother gets babied and lots of gifts and attention. Im just told to keep my grades up and focus on getting to college. Ive even been forgotten to be picked up from school several time and i just feeled left out a lot. especially around my siblings because they look like twins im the opposite of their physical appearance. is anger management issues part of middle child syndrome too?
Liz
It is so sad for me to read all these comments. I have three sons – 5, 3, and 5mo and my middle son is strong willed and throws a tantrum whenever he doesn’t get his own way. I love on him all the time, I want to meet his needs so badly, and when I read it seems an impossible task!
not
Just know that the middle child may tend to be the best or worst depending on what he is praised for. You seem like a good mother.
Concern Mommy
I’m a mother of three young ladies. My Second born seems to be stearing in the wrong direction , I give ALL three of my girls my undivided attention but she seems to think that they get more , i agree with “ananymous” we can try as hard as we can but it’s never enough. I will take only her out for a drive and laughter , I have tried so many things. Now she is acting out in school , grades falling and just being a baby jerk sometimes . I LOVE my girls with everything in me . I hope one day she will see that i try hard with all three. Some people say it’s all about attention , I believe that to a certain degree , some kids have more knowledge than most adults . I try not to make excuses for none of them . I just want my baby girl to know i love her and to release some of that anger in a positive way .
Rebecca
I am the eldest of 4 girls and must admit I have always been seen as the ‘golden child’. Both middle sisters however, do appear to suffer middle child syndrome in different ways. One of them is extremely introvert spending most of her time in her bedroom and very rarely socialising and the other one a complete extrovert and possibly even promiscuous it seems. She is always lying and creating trouble wherever she goes. She is very cared for and equally loved within our family and in no way does this reflect her upbringing or has she been excluded. This is what has lead me to search for ‘middle child syndrome’ and I do feel it’s very appropriate for the situation, surely it can’t be purely coincidence that so many people experience this.
Though, I personally feel that who you are is solely dependent on yourself, you can either learn from a negative situation and be a better person for your experiences or you can let other people dictate who you are and determine your own future, that’s your choice đ
Emily
I’m a middle child and i could care less if my parents gave me enough attention. sure i may be emotionally stunted but hey at least i dont have mommy and daddy issues. im not a well rounded child but i know to be true to my self and not complain about being a middle child for the rest of my life and annoy all those around me. I define myself as Emily, not the middle child.
AK
for the sake of argument I’ll assume you mean you “couldn’t care less”. sounds like you have anger issues the way you talk there, which I’m pretty sure fits right in to the middle child thing as I am pretty much the same and also a middle child. You’ve taken your emotions and used them to make yourself fiercely independent of your parents, maybe your entire family. I, for one, haven’t spoken to either of my parents in years and don’t really care if I ever speak to them again. I’m content to live my own life without their involvement.
Jack b nimble
As a middle child I had the opportunity to fly below the radar of a narcissistic environment. I had no choice but to become my own person early in life. My older and younger siblings are still trying to find themselves later in life. As for me…middle is good.
sicilian
you shouldn’t define yourself my your family, you should make up who you are in life don’t let anyone define you besides you
ananymous
I am the mother of three girls and, while I believe that there are some parents who ignore their middle child, I am not one of them. However, my middle daughter thinks I do. It doesn’t matter how much attention my daughter gets, it’s never enough. I know she’s jealous of her sisters. We try very hard to give equal attention but it’s not always easy. We make sure they all have equal gifts at birthdays and Holidays. If we take one out for a treat, I make sure the others do as well. But the oldest will always be the oldest and will get to do things first. And the baby will always be the baby. The problem is most kids don’t remember their early years and the attention they received as babies, toddlers and preschoolers is the same as their baby siblings are receiving now. I just find it very frustrating as a parent that I can’t make my daughter see how much we love her.
Middle Child
If you are not a middle child then you really want feel what your daughter is feeling. I understand what she is going through.
John
She probably isn’t jealous of her sisters. My mother told everyone I was jealous of my younger brother. Far from it, I just didn’t like him because having anything to do with him got me into a load of trouble and often a trashing before bed.
No doubt you love your daughter, maybe just not as much as the other two and you’re not aware of it.
trytobethenicegal
Middle child. 40 and still a middle adult
single. A problem ….
I feel an strong emotional connection to my family. Always needing to please my mom and dad.
My mom is a middle child as well…. gosh.
– Always in my business of whom I date and why
Always never giving me faith to suceed in the workplace.
when I do succeed it is never good enough for my sister and baby brother. Always getting my sister out of abusive relationships. My brothers’ wifes’ family treats me like garbage. why?
BECAUSE I MIND MY OWN BUSINESS AND AM A PLEASANT PERSON WHO MIN DS HER OWN ON FIRST.
be well fellow middle children
Alaine
I’m the middle SISTER. I learned early on where my place was, taking care of everyone. Even now, as a adult with a grown daughter and 2 boys still at home, my family never includes me in anything. My daughter and her husband goes on vacation with my younger sister & her family and they are constantly hiding it! WHY? It’s not if i would invite myself or not be able to afford it. I act like it doesn’t bother me but deep down it hurts. They have always treated me this way, you would think I would be use to it by now. All i can do is make sure i treat my 3 children all the same and make sure i don’t allow it to go on around me
Gary
I’m a middle child, and most definitely the ‘black sheep’ of the family. I’m much closer to my friends than I am my family. I get on great with all of my family, but I didn’t get the attention my older brother and younger sister did, so I took to making my business my business, I’m pretty much a mystery where my family is concerned, almost unknowable. I don’t tell them about my personal and private life. I think this could stem from when I was a kid, feeling as though nothing I did got me the same love as my siblings, so I decided to go it alone.
I didn’t do as well in school as my brother or sister, but left school early and started my own business, and am the most successful of my family.
I’m 30 years old now, for years my old family home had lots of pictures of my siblings, with not one single picture of me anywhere, until I mentioned it, only then was a picture of me put up.
I don’t feel I was unloved, just passed over, unconsciously, by my parents.
Deanna
I agree with you Gary. I was out of our family home at 16 years of age. I have never asked my parents for money since I walked out the door. The same can not be said of my two siblings. I also feel like the blacksheep in my family and march to my own drummer. I tend to do things on my own and have friends who are the ones that I confide in.
My husband is also a middle child. He also is the blacksheep of his family. We both are the most self sufficient in our families and rely on ourselves. We have raised two successful children. Twins.
I think the positive of being a middle child is that it makes you the achiever. My husband and I both agree on that point. In both of our cases the grandparents took no measures to hide their favortism towards the oldest and the youngest. I feel that it actually made my siblings feel entitled.
I wouldn’t change positions in my family…I may be the outsider looking in, but I like that I am the do it on my own type of person and feel that I can achieve anything that I put my mind to.
Sometimes it is hurtful to feel like the outsider, but then I think of who it has made me and how it had a positive effect on both my husband’s and my parenting skills and push those hurtful thoughts aside.
I’m 51 years old now….and I have to laugh to myself that the birth order stigma is still very much in play….
Being the middle child has made me who I am, and I like me. I see the same in your post Gary…..hats off to us middle children!
anonymous
middle child aswell i seem to have that tendancy of over achieving in all i do i to see it as positive, but i am also very competitive and i feel the need to be the best at anything and will go to almost any lengths to achieve my goal and am the meaning of introvercy, where my gf who is also a middle child has swong completely the the other way she is all the signs that i am not
misfit
One older brother (the golden boy) and a younger brother (the baby) and I’m just that mistake taking up space in the middle. They have to tolerate me becase they had to suffer through me to get to the baby. They can do no wrong, say no wrong. My whole life, no one has paid any attention to me. I especially love how I can be talking and the person I’m talking to will just start talking to someone else as if I’m not even there, let along holding a conversation with them. I’ve always felt invisible. My sis in law says i’m insecure and have low self esteem. You think? I can’t imagine why.
sally
hi lance , im quite taken back by your comment only last night i was discussing with my elder sister these issues, so i thought i would pop on line to see what is being said (as i am waiting to see a psychologist) but all said and done i always felt a failure and had the blame for everything, i am the 3rd child of four.i left home at 13 and lived with the father of my children i was having a baby at 15 so when i look back maybe my mother couldn’t wait for me to leave home!!!! what i didn’t expect to see on the research was just how i felt and maybe the blame lied with me but quite astounding that all that is mentioned above is exactly how it was for me like a text book , but my sisters actually do see that i was treated differently to them but that is now some 43 years later and it has very much been a lonely life for me and this also followed into my children s lives where my mum took no interest in mine but had my younger sisters child every day so i feel your comment was a bit harsh really its like having a baby UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPIRE INCED IT YOU CAN NOT COMMENT tc ty for listening
hannah
i to am a middle child i have a older sister that is about to graduate and my mom and dad are always paying more attention to her then me. Like when she went to visit a college in seattle i had to go to my grandma’s. when they came back to get me they said they went to this really fancy restraunt
Middle child
I too am a middle child of a very unstable mother and a an enabler father. I was only wanted so my older sibling was not “alone” and not for myself. I was followed by another sibling 11 months later!
I was told that God brought this sibling so soon to save my mother from the horror of my birth (which was simply almost natural childbirth but in the 50s women were completely knocked out! I was the Cindarella. I had to cook, clean the dishes, feed my mom’s pets (6 of them) each night. Everything the other 2 did I was blamed for and because I did not favor my sick mother’s family she degraded me for simply being me (skinny to her fat self). I tried very hard not be noticed by her – who would want that kind of attention! I disliked her very much and thought my father was a coward for not having her commited! But I survived and am the most real one of the bunch. I am very independent and capable.
I do not have a good relationship with my siblings but that is because I will not tell them how very wonderful they are – and they aren’t!!!! So no I won’t agree with them. I am waiting for my father to pass away (he’s very elderly) so I can move far away and lose contact with both my sick siblings!!! My only child already has
left the family (besides me) because of how they are. They feel they are so perfect (no matter what they do!) and we are the lesser ones, but we know we are good people and just don’t want to play by THEIR rules. Hang in there middle children – we are usually the most real and capable! More power to us.
Sally
I too am a middle child. two older sisters and two younger brothers (leave your sister’s alone or that is not for girls) Teased and laughed at while growing up if I tried to share I felt unloved. I feel now I am the Little Red Hen and I take care of myself. Not always doing the best but I know I cannot depend on anyone for help. I also now tell people I am the most well balanced of the kids being the middle child (tho I still feel alone and unloved). I know if this was shared with them I would still be laughed at and I am 46yo.
John
I’m 50, when I raised this issue with my family a few years ago I got total denial followed by ridicule telling me not to be pathetic etc. Nobody in your family will step out of their comfort zone to give you any kind of closure you need to do that for yourself. John
anonymous
Middle child too. trying to take all those things positively. Sometimes I’m glad I’m not spoilt or else who know what type of person will I be? Undependable and useless
Jessie
My name is Jessie. I’m a middle child, and I’m thirteen years old. I have an older brother, 18, and a younger sister, 10.
I have felt like the Unloved Middle Child since I was six.
My brother got a laptop when he was 11.
When i turned 11, I got a bunch of crappy, hand-me-down t-shirts.
when my sister turns 11, she’s told my mom that she wants the iPhone 5. My mother promised to give it to her. I still have a basic phone. My brother got a 2,000 dollar laptop last year, and his old onewas given ti my sister.
I feel like I don’t even exist. I’m too embarrassed to have friendsover because my room, that was dome when I eas five, is Disney princess themed. I do all the chores, I feel as if I’m just their personal slave. My brother can’t even get his own water, so I have to. I had to take up the hobby of carving into my wrists and forearms before they even noticed me. I feel so unloved, so unappreciated… so forgotten. It’s not okay to have been feeling this way since I was 7. I’ve actually thought about calling child services to take me away… but deep down, I fo love them… I’ve thought about running away, but they’d find me, and probably put a chain around my ankle to keep their little slave locked away… I’ve felt this way for so long… my whole family finds it funny to verbally abuse me, and they all laugh when someone cracks a joke about my weight, even though I’ve been starving myself… i feel so lonely… The only person I can confide in is my best friend, Nat, who doesnt have parents, so she sort of knows the feeling of neglect… i feel like i don’t belong… I’m just their little slave girl who will never amount to anything.
My daddy who promised he’d always love me, doesn’t. He won’t even hug me anymore. I don’t remember the last time he told me he loved me… but he hugs my sister. He’ll scoop her fat little butt up and let her sit on his lap, and he tells her he loves her.
My mom, doesn’t even care. She just orders me around, and if I dont do exactly as she says, she starts to scream at me. If I don’t have all A’s, at all times, she whips me wih the fly swatter, however, my sister can make all F’s and no one cares. I hate my life… i was crying as I typed this….
JADE
i am also a middle child, take the good things from it.. as middle children we tend to do better in life and are more successuful ( i am the only one who went to uni), as we have to go the extra mile for attention we are good at pushing ourselves while the eldest and youngest get things thrown at their feet, when you are older and work you will be used to the work load while your signings will find it very hard, get into good practice early with the demands of parents and work when your older is a lot easier, maybe speak to a school councilor or a doctor about the self harm, it defanlty isn’t the way to go no matter how much it helps now, it doesn’t resolve the problem. your parents will eventually see that they have neglected you and will try to over compensate for this.. though youwil have to stick with it for now, when they make jokes, laugh with them, they are jokes and not meant to be hurtful, if not, just say with a straight face and dull voice tone ‘i dont find that funny’ and walk away, they will either laugh or see what they are doing wrong, if they laugh.. i know its hard, but just take it, at 13 years old.. if you are doing as well as you say in school you only have 4 more years until you can move out for uni, so far uni has been the best thing for me as i am myself and i dont have family pressures. if you want to talk more about this email me at [email protected]
Brooke
Jessie – you are a very smart and wonderful person. It is hard to think that parents don’t see this. Sometimes children feel that it is obvious and parents should be smart and realize what they are doing or aren’t doing to their kids, but I have found that it is sadly not happening. Parents need to take classes on how to be involved and how to provide the love and support they can give to their children. What I see in you is a true desire and ability to be heard. This may sound like a reverse of roles, but you need to ask your parents when they have time to talk to you about something serious going on in your life that they really need to sit down and make time for. This will actually worry them a bit and cause many things to go through their minds. Once you have their attention, you need to let them know how you feel. It would be very effective to have a list of thoughts or bullet points that you want to share with them so they know you have really put a lot of thought into this. A good way to begin is to begin with, “I have some things I want to first share with you and I really need you to listen and hear what I have to say because they are serious to me. Once I am done, you can say what you need to say, but I hope you first listen to me.” Then let them know what you are going through, when it started, what it has caused you to do and think and that you want to change and be better, but in order to do that, you need to be loved, supported, nurtured and recognized. It will be an awe and crap moment for them. When I say that you need to change or want to change, what I am saying is that you don’t want to feel that you are not loved and that you don’t want to feel that you are abused in a certain way and have to do things to get their attention.
Another thing that is crucial is to never take the “woe is me” approach. Be strong and powerful and know that having and understanding of your surroundings and the treatment you are getting is very important. Then understanding why they really treat you that way is another. Then to understand that you are of self worth and have a lot to accomplish and be happy for and that you won’t let other’s dictate your happiness. You are in control and are powerful. As you get older, if you do this and build up your character to make it stronger, you will be very successful in life and be able to accomplish a lot more things. Be the bigger person and know that this will help you.
I truly hope you take the time to understand that people are just sometimes stupid and ignorant and need to be taught. Its just this time, these people happen to be your parents and they may just not realize what they are doing. That is how stupid many of us are and we need people like you to be patient and allow us to also grow and learn and be better so we can all progress in life. Learning and applying is what allows us to progress. Understand what I am saying?
hannah
jessie, that is just like me. i feel like i am invisible. like my older sister turned 15 she got a phone and when i turned even 16 i still don’t have a phone even if i do what my mom or dad says all the time. I DO HAVE MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME !!!!!!!!!!! đ
Aime
I am totally on board with what you said. I am a middle child and the only girl do you would think that just because I’m the only girl I would get all the attention well nope it did not happen. My older brother was always getting into trouble at school and hanging out with the bad crowd and my little brother was born premature and was always sick so I was stuck in the middle and was always pushed aside. I played sports just to get my parents attention it worked at first but then subsided. I know a lot of people are going to complain about what I’m about to say but I got married at 15, don’t judge cause you do not know my life, I got tired and fed up that I was left behind and everyone was either talking about my older brother and his problems and my younger brother and his sickness that had a baby and got married early. Well we will be going on ten years of marriage and now I have three kids and I am thankful and do happy that I spend time with each of my kids not not concentrating on one more than the other. I know I was too young for a baby and marriage but I think I’m doing pretty good for going on ten years and have three beautiful kids. I try my best to give my middle child all the attention she needs so that she will not feel like I did when I was little. My eldest is in sports, my middle child loves to sing and dance and my little one is just two so my husband and I try out best to give them all the attention they need. I am grateful to have them in my life wouldn’t change it for anything.
nana
Hi @ aime. I was scrolling down through all the posts looking for an only girl, stuck in the middle… Thinking by myself pfffft its not possible only daughters always get the attention and praise, I just got rotten luck. Haha well I guess not. Being in the middle sucks and being the only girl makes it worse… Espesially with a mother like mine, I love her to bits but we’re not close… Not even close!! She prefers boys… I remember cleaning after my brothers and being the one with good marks (actually brilliant marks) in school, I was the only one taking part in sports and getting certificates… Ever!! But it was never good enough. I tried talking stuff through with my mother but she always changed the subject, ignoring my atempt. My 21st birthday is this weekend and its a surprise theme, ya all probably thinking oh that’s nice, but its not cause my brother and his friends are the guests, even though I don’t like them. I can’t invite my friends to a party where my brother likes to embaress me and make me feel soooooo belittled, my brother is suspended from his job for being drunk at work, so ya him and his drunken friends will be attending my party in which I have no say in, I can’t choose who I want to be t here, I can’t choose the theme, I can’t even choose my outfit. My boyfriend is also a middle child, which makes it easier sice he understands and supports me where he can.
To think for my present I got a car, which I’m paying for, I’m paying insurance and the best is both my brothers got cars as a PRESENT for their 18th birthdays!!!!! I’m buying my own car and doing it on my own. No help whatsoever. My younger brother is spoiled to the ground, my mother always goes on about him being her blue eyed boy who is soooooo perfect and my eldest brother is the reckless can do whatever one who can cry on mommy’s shoulder when he stuffs up. Where I am the cast out, the ignored one, but thanks ma…. I’m the strongest, I’m the one buying my own car, I’m the one who is working to be successful to stand on my own so I don’t have to watch you break me down. I don’t care much for attention but I really just want to be heard and considered. To be an equal!
Hannah
This is so true.
When I was younger people used to tease me about having “middle child syndrome” and I always assumed it was just a saying. But my whole life I’ve been left out of my family and I don’t feel like I belong. I have an older and younger sister (18, 14) ( I am 16) and they are basically best friends. They do everything together and have loads of private jokes and even walk to school together where I walk alone. Neither of them like me all that much and I know I can be annoying and moody so most of the time I don’t blame them, but I try so hard to be a part of their lives and they can’t see past the emotional side of me which I blame on my hormones anyway.
I have felt neglected by my parents for years, and I haven’t actually spoken to my mum in about 4 months. I’ve even started counting down the days until I’m 18 and can leave.
Obviously I can’t blame this all on “middle child syndrome” but it pretty much sums up everything I’m feeling. And as for “psychotic behavior”; my dad accidentally left a craft knife in my room a while back, no prizes for guessing what that’s been used for.
So yeah; I’m crazy, depressed and probably have something seriously wrong with me mentally but at least I have something to blame part of it on.
Fatima
i totally agree with everyone who is experiensing middle child syndrome as i am because i feel the same way. i am old enough to do boring thing but not old enough to do the fun things as well. this is misfurtone because i have no alternatives. thier are so many unfair things that happens to me and i dont even know were to start. when i get into an argument with my older siblings i get told that i am being disrespectful and i get disiplend for it. when i get into an argument with my younger sibling i get to the i am being unmature that i need to be the adult because thier the little on and i need to be the bigger person. my older siblings are allowed to beat me up when we get into an argument because thier older then me and i was being disrespectful by talking back and defending myself but when i try to do the samething to my younger sibling i get told that they are not my child so i am not allowed to hit them. on top of that my parents think that my younger siblings are smarter then i am just because im in the speacial education program and they get more respect then i do by other people that are younger then them. i am the nicest one in my whole intire house and i treat everyone so nicely and when people take a look at me and my little sister they would say that shes nicer then i am without even knowing me. my little sister disrespects me in public alot and i get embaressed by it and instead of people looking at her in a wierd way about what she did to me so she can feel ashamed on herself people look at me like that because she embaressed me like hellow im not the one doing the action. if anything she should feel ashamed in herself for embarssing me like that. i give so mush and recive nothing in return its like i am coursed. thier are more unfair thing that happens to me to such as verball bullying but i dont want to get into all that because i am tierd of writting. its like no one takes me sirously when im mad its like what ever because its just me but when its other people its not the same way like its so frustrating i am a person i have a spirit treat me with respect by tacking my feelings into consideration and stop thinking that im less important compaired to other people. what did i ever do to deserve to be treated the way i do. its one thing when outsiders do it but its another thing when its family. i just hate the condition im in i have people that controles me, disrespect me, and could care less about my feelings by saying disturbing things to me. thier is a person/people in my life to treat me with all of thies gross injust . i am so kind and if kindness can kill i would be gone so why does this happen to me?
noemia
Well I always knew I had MCS, I could always tell my parents treated me differently , to my older brother and younger sister, I did very well in high school and varsity, bt my achievements were always downplayed , and my sister and brother were very average and didn’t , and I got bitter at the fact in all my years of studying my parents have never ever helped me with any homework or anything academic related, yet they demand I help my sister, it makes me feel bitter, and the story of my life right now at the age of 21, taking my sister to school taking, my mom to work, cleaning the house, going to varsity, fetching my sister, and fetching my mom, and then cooking supper, note that my mom has her own car, but refuses to take her self to work cause I only go to varsity once a week, now doing all that you would think that my parents would appretiate me me more, they don’t ! Nothing is good enough, I’m never allowed to do anything, I have to be home by 12 at night, yet my brother who is 2 years older then I am, goes out for the whole weekend all the time. And that’s ok, I feel resentful towards my parents, I’ve always felt less loved, yet had the most responsibilities, and got no credit, I’m eager to start a family of my own to, but I wana do things the right w, love all my children in an obvious way. I don’t want my kids to feel the way I feel, the resentment I’m always going to feel towards my parents
Emily
I’m a middle child with an older sister and younger brother. I’d heard about MCS when I was younger and just thought it was something my parents used to make me mad when they’d say, “Oh, there’s that Middle Child Syndrome coming out in you again!”, but now I understand how serious it can be. Those psychotic tendencies they’re talking about? I’ve experienced them. Seeing your siblings treated better, it makes you insane.
Harlena0429
First let me say that I am a middle child and I do believe in Middle Child Syndrome. I do not believe that it is just an excuse for dysfunctional people. I do agree that any child, at any age and that is birthed in any order can feel these same emotions and feelings; however, I also feel there is some validity to it. It is true that in a lot, not all, but a lot of cases the middle child is looked over, maybe not intentionally, but it happens. The oldest gets the award for being the oldest and the first, so they’re always special and the baby, well the baby (the youngest) is the baby and they’re always special for that. The middle child is just the one in between and that is how I feel and have felt for a long time. Now does it mean that I have all of the emotional damage or issues that were listed in the article, NO! However, I will say again, for me, it definitely has some validity and I don’t think I am dysfunctional and trying to look for someway to claim it, I just believe that they are others like me and just like anything else, when you feel a certain way in life, you don’t want to think or believe you are by yourself. So it feels good to know that there are others who feel how you feel….they just happen to middle children.
bellai
I’m a second and middle child. When I was in my early teens, I felt the syndrome and signs. I believe every family has an imperfection– parents in raising their children and they might not have perfected the craft since during their time there are not much books and less media talking about parenting.
My ordeal did not come from my parents tho but from a cruel older sister– but guess who raised her to be that way? my parents!haha!
She gets jealous of me, selfish of attention and self-centre. She deliberately inflicts pain to me emotional, at times physical if she does not get the things she wants and she goes to the extent of lending my dresses, books and other things to her friends without asking permission or at least letting me know she did.
I did not really mind if i was not their favorite. I just expect a fair share in everything but sadly a lot of times non fave does not get what they deserve not even just the basic.
On the positive note, middle child becomes more independent. They are survivors and can do a lot of things on their own and better with ideas and ways to make their life more happy.
Yes, true we get to the point of getting used to IT. We always have choices–either we accept and lose OR walk away from their bullying and WIN!
Dont let them get in your way! I chose to walk away at the best time when I was ready. I finished school, tried to get employed and live according to what i earn, make both ends meet and get free from them. I chose to distant myself without spite but for peace and avoid clashes.
Focus on things and people who makes you happy and cleave to them. Pray that God sends you to the best people who deserves your love. Life goes on, we just have to move on with it.
Elaine
It is unfortunate that this type of misinformation is posted on the internet. Any child can feel unloved and rejected if not given adequate attention and love, regardless of their birth order. I am a middle child and highly functional, more so than my youngest sibling. To put this kind of stereotype out there just gives disfunctional people an excuse for their disfunction. The fact is that we get to choose whether we pursue our family stereotypes or live the happy, free, wonderful lives to which we are entitled. We, not our birth order, determines this. Shame on you for spreading this pap.
gailV
Well,I don’t totally agree on this Middle child Syndrome,because i do not compete with my other siblings,but yes,I am an Achiever but with regards to low self-esteem and lack of emotional support and all,I don’t totally agree because I’m very close to my parents and they even entrusted me to look after my younger and older though they are very capable of looking out on themselves.I guess the middle child is more of a responsible one because they tend to see how their younger and older siblings do ,and they are very keen on how they feel and they tend to be so caring about there welfare.
Jane
i never thought coming across this article would made me feel relieved for a while. i’m 23, second child with an older brother and a younger brother.
true enough, i never really get the same amount of attention received by both my brothers (it’s not even close to half). i was the only one who was made to do all the house chores and the only reason i ever get when i asked why was ,”because you’re a girl”. i was practically invincible to my parents and the family (since they see only my brothers). and doesnt really matter im sad or happy, no one cares or gives a damn. my needs is a burden but when it comes to my brothers, it’s a need.
i was almost invincible at home, no one hardly noticed me so it doesn’t really matters whether i’m with the family or not. and i was often thrown with humiliation and embarrassing ‘jokes’ which often crossed the line by almost everyone in the family. let’s just say they were good at making me feel like an extra or outcast and when i snapped at their sarcastic jokes, all were thrown at me was, “you cant take any jokes?’ “why are you so cranky?” or “you’re darn cheap”. no one acknowledge my strength and my weakness was made a laughing stock in the whole family.
doesn’t really matters whether i’m good in studies (i was one of the top scorer in school for public exams compared to my brothers), the first to graduated in public university in the family or with achievement in things im doing during my university year, there’s always something nasty for them to said. and what’s more, my brother choose to work part time rather than attending my convocation next week while my big brother never failed to gave me the ‘urghhhh u’re troublesome’ look when i ask him about it.
and yes, im totally different from my brothers. im into photography, music and writing. and yes, couzzies,siblings and family even have pretty nasty things to said bout this difference.
oh, i actually have the thought of committing suicide and almost fell into depression when i was young. never really escape from the loneliness in the family up till now đ
Rima
I’m a middle child and from reading this article and the comments below i feel so much better that i’m not alone. I’m 25 and already a mother to one girl with my boyfriend. This MCS drives me to have a family on my own because i can only feel loved by my boyfriend for almost 4 years. I live in a culture where parents are strict and conservative christians. My parents are proud with my older sister who is a college teacher making a high pay(well i understand it’s something to be proud of),and my younger brother who’s still a college student who barely gets high grades in school and has failures in most of his subjects and a couch potato at home doing nothing but playing online games, are treated by my parents like they’re doing great. While me, the middle child, I stopped college when i was 18 because of my very low self esteem and got rebellious because of having a hard time at home. People tell me “hey you’re beautiful but you’re a weirdo), i don’t care.I’m very introverted and i don’t even have enough friends to accompany with. I’m getting used to become invisible because of what my parents treated me at home. My mom is the worst when it comes to counseling me because it’s not helpful as she verbally abuses me which leads me to hitting her with objects,but that happened when i was like 18 . I know it’s bad and she’s still my mother but she can be so harsh and i couldn’t tolerate hearing her hurtful words. She doesn’t like to listen to me, she thinks she’s always right and her opinion only matters. She lacks emotional support since i was a child and saying “i love you” personally to one another seems too hard for our family. I always say “i love you” to my daughter and my boyfriend and we’re sweet to each other because i don’t want our dysfunctionality to happen in my own family. Even though i haven’t finished college, i become the most talented in our family. i’m into photography, graphic design, crafts, event planning, i also play instruments like guitar and keyboards. And my siblings don’t have such skills like mine. Yet my mom still thinks i’m still lacking something.
Cynthia D.
iv been feeling deep anger and hatred and most of the times feel like i don’t belong anywhere i go. being the middle child isn’t fun especially when your ‘baby’ sister (even though shes 2 years younger) is handed everything on a silver plater and your oldest sister has always gotten the most attention for her loud, outgoing, sporty, personality. me the ‘trouble maker’, is always in the shadow of both no matter what. mum always sticking up for the baby and never listing to my needs and dad always having the spot light on his precious eldest girl. they call this place i live a home, but last time i checked home is where you are comfortable, where your always welcomed back, and even where you feel love. this isn’t a home. only 4 more years till i graduate and i can finally leave, leaving isn’t going to bring peace forever but enough till i get my heart where i want it too be….*sigh* thanks family so much for the hell i live everyday./:
Bianca
EXACTLY! The Same With Me Except My Mom Is Sticking Up For Both Of Them And My Dad Is More For The Youngest she’s 2 years younger and so is is my eldest
i always making trouble is pushing them away but
to be honest i kinda like the personal space and at least i have my friends who are also trouble makers by my side as long as you have the family that really cares about you (your friends)than it really doesn’t matter what happens with your relatives at home
Aegis
MCS here. One day my mom took me to a theme park because she had actually realized how little attention I got. It was always either my sister or brother who were causing my parents issues and grief. I was quiet and just fell into gaming (false sense of accomplishment maybe?)
I’ve got my issues and such, as we all do, but even to this day, I’m still the quiet one. I’d like some attention, but I think so low of myself, it kinda keeps me in a rut cycle. Ah well, someone’s always got it worse than you do, right?
Bianca
Your so right i can agree with you on so many levels
i try to tell my parents but of course
they are occupied with all their attention on my siblings
(calling them sisters makes me sick to the stomach)
so there’s really not ever a chance for me to fit into their busy um schedules it doesn’t matter i mean like you said someone has always got it a lot worse than you do,
JIMMY
YES IT is very real…I have gotten use to it and understand that they loved me just as much but I can see it in alot of people I know. Especially in their early teens up to 20’s. It can be devastating if you are insecure to begin with and have an older sibling who gets his ass kissed no matter what..Not a big deal for me Im a guy but I can see if a middle child was a girl. It would be hell..
Ashley M
MCS is all too familiar here… I am 22, and it is absolutely horrible living at home because of how I am treated. My 18 year old brother wakes up at noon, lays around all day, then stays out til 3am, and repeats the process. My sister is 24, she moved out 2 years ago, and is still home almost every single day. My mom loves them so much and shows them much more than me. I’m the one being told to do all the dishes, the laundry, cleaning up the house when we have guests. It’s ridiculous. I’m planning my wedding at the moment, and she seems bored anytime I try talking to her about it, to get her involved. My fiance has even said that he can tell that I am not treated the same as my siblings, making the MCS even more real. I want to move out so bad, but my fiance and i want to wait until we both have a decent income to afford everything.
Bianca
wow seems you have it harder than i do maybe i shouldn’t complain i mean it’s obvious I’m not treated the same as my siblings but i pretty much put that on myself I’m always getting myself into trouble but i was hoping to have it grave some attention not make my
MCS even worse
it doesn’t matter because you know you start getting used to it and well when you see your mom you know doing one tiny thing off edge like saying good morning it feels like thats SPECIAL TREATMENT
but it’s not I’m sure many of my middle childe syndrome people here understand this feeling
Lin
I have been aware for a long time that I was affected by the MCS. As said by many people here I felt empty and inadequate. My parents always end up scolding for matters that are far beyond my doing yet rather those of my siblings. It’s difficult as even though I’m an introvert I actually try explain the situation to my parents and I’ve got so far as to actually saying that it’s MCS and that I would like some appreciation and pride in my achievements too. I’ve always been the smarter one in the family but interestingly it has always been used against me where my parents suggest that it is my doing to concnetrate solely on my studies that is leading to my youngest sisters’ failure at school. Well, I’ve tried to teach her yet she’s not interestes – I’m sure she’ll find something that she’s good at yet it will take time and some bloody independence. They gave me no support in my academical life yet expect so much from me in return when I can not emit such a great level of personal sacrifice. As with my brother, I have simply always been compared to him yet never to suggest that I have worked so much harder to get the results and achievements yet rather to suggest that I was showing off and that ultimately he knows better and always will. I have been very attention-seeking yet I needed it and well, I still don’t get it. And yes, like many have said here the middle children are far more career driven and I’ve just finished my AS levels and I know that I’m far more determined to get where I want and am so keen to move away – that’s because I know that my career will be the only thing that will help me create an identity and maybe even be appreciated by my family yet I doubt that it would happen since I don’t want to follow the career that they want me to – it is not for my well being that they say so yet rather to suffice their pride. The fallacy of equal love/support being given out is amusing to it’s core.
Bianca
IT’S SO OBVIOUS middle child kids are obviously the smarter ones my brain has well developed over my sisters even my eldest
i got a B and my mother got mad because of course she expects more from me but my failing sisters get a C and we practically host a party
Betty D
I would also like to add that when I was younger…say maybe 14-16 years old…I thought that I was special because I was named after my mother. Since I have two sisters older than me…I asked my mother why she named me after her and she said “I ran out of names.” I use to think that this was funny…but it’s not.
Bianca
well that sucks I’m 12 and i can relate
i was name Bianca because it means white and they think it’s humorous because I’m black
while my eldest brittany named THAT because she was born their and thats my parents most favorite place in the WORLD and nadia means hope and they named her that because they were over joyed to have a third child clearly i wasn’t enough
all of us
her are BLACK SHEEPS and all of us here probly thought we were special for two seconds …i thought i was because my mother was told she couldn’t have another child and then had me but she didn’t want one but when the third came she was over joyed đ
Betty D
I call myself the “middle-middle” child. Not only am I the 5th child out of 7…I’m the 3rd daughter..(two older, two younger). I didn’t find out that I was the “black sheep” of the family until I was 11 years old. And by the time I was 13, I realized what that meant. It was only my mother who treated me like I had two heads without a brain in either one and therefore, my siblings treated me the same way.
farah
just knew about this syndrome and felt like crying…now i know why i’m like this.. i’m an achiever, always get good grades, everything i do worked out good, compared to others..and yes, i think i did that because that is all i can do to get the attention i needed from parents..im an intovert, like to be invisible..this is very negative..but that is me..
i studied abroad at a very young age, and wanted to have my own family after studies..really depressed when my parents dont let me get marry, i felt like ‘u dont give me the attention i needed, but why did u stop others to give me attention?’ really depressesed.
well, i have 3 older siblings and 3 younger thn me. u can imagine that..
when i was a kid, i always think i was actually adopted.
danielle burton
I agree, i do actually beleive i am hated, I have had some horrible things done to me that would never be considered done to my siblings