Being the Middle Child

Being a middle child really sucks. I am not generalizing this statement, because middle child syndrome is very real. It is a condition that continues to affect millions of people around the world, including me.

I hate my middle child personality, it is like a disease inside me. I have never felt I truly belonged. All the attention were given to the first and last child. I feel that everything I do goes unnoticed, sometimes it seems that I was not intended to be part of the family. Middle children are the black sheep of the family. Middle children are the outcasts. Yes, I was always aware of middle child personality, they say that middle children are underachievers and inferior compare to our siblings. I personally do not believe this. Since I was a kid, I was driven to achieve things just to be noticed. While being successful at being praised and honored, I still didn’t feel loved at all.

I think middle children are really talented individuals. Well, I’m not a professional artist, but I can say that I’m pretty artistic compared to my other siblings. But still, I always feel that there is something lacking, that feeling prevents me from pursuing my dreams and ambitions. I feel that before I can live my life, I must first move on from the past, which is very hard to do.

I am already 22 years old, still single and living on my own. I hope that all these will pass, and one day I will look at myself and be proud of who I am and what I have achieved, not for the acceptance of others, but for myself.

I strongly believe that good parenting must be practiced by all aspiring parents. In this way, unloved children like me would not continue to suffer. Middle children deserve better.

53 thoughts on “Being the Middle Child

  1. i am 28, middle child of 5 girls!!! my older sis and younger sis are only 1 year apart from me. i hate my mom and i hate my self because no matter how much i want to move on, i can’t, i found myself craving for her attention or at least getting similar treatment as my other sisters. i was a naughty kid when i was young, i got punished a lot. now i pretty much know why… middle child syndrome is real. and i wish there is a cure!!!
    my 2 older sister are married, 2 younger are not married, and i am getting married this october. if you can only imagine what i am going through right now…. :'(

    i guess it is true, favoritism is a gift, i can’t never earn it.

  2. Wow you guys make me feel alittle better about being the middle child. I’m 16 and i am the 3rd of five. I feel all by myself sometimes because the older two hang and and the younger two do as well. And my mom always takes their side on everything and then acts like she loves us all equally. And my dad is pretty much the only one who pays any attenton to me but he is overseas so it doesn’t really help. And on top of that my mom and sisters “joke” with me and when i get mad, i’m the one who can’t take a joke. I have a 4.0 in school but it’s nothing compared to my older two, I stress over my AP classes just s i can be on top and get even a little bit of attention. And when I got a job when my second oldest did that was the most attention that i ever felt in my life but then when I leave for work it’s like I’m a ghost to them. I hate being the middle child and I can’t understand why someone would treat a human beig like this. It’s horrible.

  3. I know how all of yall feel. I am 16 years old and my mom died when I was 5 and I have and older sister and a younger brother. She is about to go to college and getting all these scholorships and he is a football player. I am always by myself and I feel left out. I am the smartest out of all of us but that doesn’t matter because I never get recognized. I got the chance to get a grant and scholorship and I had to turn it in by a certain day and I told my dad and he said he will mail it in. So I keep reminding him and then when the day for it to be turned in by came up he had “forgot” it but had remembered to turn in my sister’s stuff. Everytime I talk to them they just sit there and ignore me. Now we just recently got a dog and they ignore me even more now and then they ask why I don’t like the dog. My dad don’t even have time to teach me how to drive but he has time to teach my younger brother. He also paid for them to get there permit but I had to pay for my own so my heart goes out to all the middle kids because I know how you feel because I’m also a middle kid.

  4. I know how you feel. Being a middle child is terrible. I’m a middle child and feel so sad sometimes. I tend to be overlook and it just makes me cry sometimes. I always try to achieve but all my accomplishments tend to go ignored. I am very distant from my parents and i tend to be by myself. I feel like I don’t fit in with my own family but the only positive thing about being a middle child is that it made me strive for achievement just so i can be praised at least once.

  5. hahahaha..u know…when i read this…i cry..cry a lot…but really 2 thumbs up for every middle child that has open their heart in this site…im a middle child too 3rd of 4…and i feel the same..but i guess coz now im more logically, i know what my speciality in my personality.

  6. Im the middle child i have an older sister and a younger brother and i have a lot of problems … a few things ive found is that i tend to get ganged up on when my moms not around and when theres a fight my sister always takes my brothers side and vise versa … my brother and sister always have to one up me on everything and i cant stand it! if im good at something art wise my sister has to be better … in smarts its the same way accept with my brother … i do everything i can just to get praise … i always hated sports but, i played softball just so my mom would praise me … and no matter what i do its never as good as what everyone else does … i hate it …

  7. Thank you after reading this and seeing the anger she can have we r going to try to make sure she knows she is important and not compare her as you said. We want to make sure she has her own things and not have hand me downs now that she is older. What makes her stand out more is she looks like me a little but more like my mom and her sisters look like dad so there is not a resemblance. It seem to happen like that. This site has brought things in to light fir me and with the advice hopefully she will have a better expirence. Thank you

  8. I am a mother of 3 girls. I want advice that can help with the middle child so she can grow up feeling loved and supported. She is 6 now and threatened an other girl in school because she was feeling bullied. She does not like to be bossed around by other kids. Talent comes easy to her for anything except school. I believe she has ADHD just like me. I see a lot of me in her in regards to school. She is crazy and very funny but also sneaky and I try to catch her. I remind her that there is nothing she can ever do to stop our love for her. I have to sit and do homework with her otherwise it does not get done. These stories have helped but please give me more input on how to keep the love known so she does not feel like an outcast.

    1. First of all, thank you for reading. Sad to say, I do not have any authority nor expert advice that is sure to help you. But I myself came from a family with 3 girls, me being the middle of course. So, from experience, I suggest that you avoid any harmful comments towards your child, like comparing her to the other two. Try to spend more time with her, and most importantly, treat her with respect and love. I’m sure it’ll turn out fine. And if it helps, you must know that these cases are more common than you think. Just relax and enjoy being a mom. :)

  9. Wow! I have always heard about being the middle child from people in a joking way, but never gave it much thought. For some reason today, I did some research and it is amazing. I am 42 years old and a middle child. Many of the traits I possess with the exception that I am focused and have been successful. I tend to be a loner, don’t latch onto people, and have problems with relationships and can’t understand why. I have always felt like an outsider, different, within my family. Many of the comments above, I can relate to as well. Thanks for the inputs above. Good luck to all of you out there. Maybe this will help me overcome some of the issues that I face in my life.

  10. I am 20 years old and a middle child.I know that being a middle child is not easy.There are times that I feel like an outcast.People always say that it seems like I’m not my parents’ daughter.My sisters are close to each other,maybe because most of the things they like are the same like music.I am given less attention.That’s probably the reason why I, most of the time,succeed with the things I do.I always want to prove myself to my family and even to others that I can be someone who they can be proud of. I believe that middle children are real achievers,independent and loving-characteristics that have to be noticed by others.

  11. Everyone’s stories are very interesting. My name is Christian, i’m 15 years old, and I’m a middle child. I’m the idependent one of my siblings. I am less needy. I like to do things on my own. I believe that many of us are built this way. My sister, the oldest, has always been a high acheiver, and due to that, I’m held to acheive also. I’m not the best in school but I am an average B student. I’m always compared to what I could’ve done. With my brother, the youngest, I’ve always been blamed for everything that he does. I’ve always felt as if I was being ignored, I ask my parents questions and they don’t reply till almost a minute later. The one thing I have always been told, and have never forgetten, that even though we may feel discouraged, compared, less loved, and ignored, nothing can change the fact that YOUR parents will always, always love you.

  12. I stumbled on this site and I want to say to everyone WAIT!!!!! I’m writing a book called THE SECRET POWER OF MIDDLE CHILDREN that will be oublished next year by Penguin and it’s all about how that neglect led to independence, creativity and loyalty! Middles have many, many, many redeeming features and there are LOADS of very successful (and famous) middles out there profiled in my book.

  13. I am a middle child. My older sister is in college and my parents are always worried and concerned with her and when they aren’t worrying about her, they are spoiling my little sister. My sister and I fight and I ALWAYS get blamed. I absolutely, right deep down to the core, hate my family life, and I too feel like dying sometimes. I am pretty weird and sometimes I think it’s because I want attention. I have a great personality (according to my friends) but it still doesn’t seem to be enough for my parents. And, I want to be a photographer. I have the eye. It is my passion. But I have been told to not pursue my dream. Now, I’m lacking the courage to move on. Everything I try fails and I’m stuck in a world where I’m compared and I can never, ever be better then “them”. It’s sad. I know I’m not alone and I guess that’s what keeps me going.

  14. Although I am not a middle child – I can see the dynamics with my own children. In fact – I tend to favor those in the middle because I know how tough it is. Birth order has a lot to do with every individual’s personality. It has a bigger impact than we realize.

  15. I’m also a middle child, 41 favortism is a gift, you can’t earn it, hard lesson to learn. Never thought I needed help until recent family dinner. I’ve always felt not good enough, growing up, compared to older smarter brother and sister. going to counseling, realizing feelings of not being part of social settings not just weird feelings but middle child syndrome. keep the faith

  16. I’m also a middle child. I’m 11 and I have older sis. and younger bro. You proally know, if your a middle child, it’s hard. But there is ALOT of great advantages. Here is some;

    Our Personality
    We Fight for What We Want
    We Stand Up for Ourselves/One Another
    Etc…

  17. I too am a middle child and fight with my parents constantly. My mother favors my brother to the nth degree and also the child he has. My father tends to pay more attention to my sister. It is hard and yet, it is what I have come to expect. I am more independent. The hard thing, is that when I do actually need help, it seems more of a task for my parents then when they do it for the others. I have tried to point it out to my parents and my mother turned and told me that I treat my kids differntly so I should worry about myself. It is hard, but know this……you are not alone. I won’t have a third child that I desperately want. Because I don’t want …..my second one, to feel like I have all my life.

  18. Debbie, first of all, you must know that you aren’t alone. There are things that we cannot change, so the least we could do is to accept them in our lives. Believe me, I know it’s tough. My advice is not to act based on your emotions alone, as it is very dangerous for us since we tend to accept any love directed towards us. I will be praying for you as well as others like us. God Bless you!

  19. Hi My name is Debbie, I am a middle child. I am 51 years old. My whole life I have been put aside, My life is the same even to this day. Growing up as a child, I was always alone. It was hard. I had no friends. My folks they needed and they took my being. They take and are still taking from me. I could never do well, All the boyfreinds I have had were no good. Both my folks couldn’t stand being together, I was the middle, I made things easy for them. I am so sad.. you know… I am alone and sad. I findly got away. I got married to a man I never loved that was 20 some years ago. We are now divorced him and I. Nothing he could do was good enough for them. My folks are still like this. My sister gets all. My brother he is the best in everything he does. I had my flower shop. I know have another business I started up myself. Sometimes I want to die… yes die. I well. I have my house now, I worked my butt off to get out away from my folks. And.. I still want to die, but not now. when the time comes for me to die I will take it yes I will. I sit in my house alone, it’s nice and quite here I don’t hear them fighting among themselves. anyways. I am a middle child, latley its been hard not to feel hatered towards my siblings. because I am not like that at all. I am a fun. loveing, caring person. I can make it on my own. But, I would love to have a someone with me. Remember…. All you need to do is love your own skin, then you’ve got it made… Hugs to all the middles out there.. xox Debbie.

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