Middle Girl

I am 15 years old, middle child of 5. I have all types of siblings, an older and a younger sister, and an older and a younger brother. I don’t actually know what I am in my family.

Sometimes I’m loud, sometimes I’m not. My mom would tell me sometimes to stop speaking loud out of nowhere cause it surprises her and I think, I was just talking….haha. Growing up, I was the youngest. I was closer to my brother than to my sister. And then my younger sister was born and she got all the attention. And then my younger brother was born and he got the attention too. All my siblings had most of my parents’ attention since my older sister and older brother were the first, and my younger sister and younger brother are the last.

I found myself suddenly being mean to my little sister all the time when I was 12 until now but she’s the one I’m closest to now though she’s only 11… And I was never close to my older sister which is weird when we’re stuck together alone. My little brother’s just there and my older brother’s second to whom I’m closest with. I’m the one who he asks help from all the time.

As a child, I was very independent. My parents would be surprised how I suddenly know how to do this and that. And they’d be proud. They told me once that whoever I marry will be a lucky guy. They said it’s because I’m so responsible, organized and clean, independent, reliable, kind, caring, thoughtful and all that. I’m more mature than my older siblings, and most good looking out of us girls. Sometimes i would say to myself that I should’ve been the eldest. But that would be a difficult job.

Anyway, lately I’ve been depressed. My mom quit her job to take care of my lazy and dependent younger siblings. And because of that, we are very strict about spending. Actually we always were. But I noticed that I would always get the least out of all my siblings. On my 7th grade graduation, I didn’t get a gift from my parents because my mom said that my grad shoes, and the after-party things I bought with her were already my presents from them. I wondered how that could be a gift when actually we bought that cause I needed it. I expected to be surprised by them like how they gave my older brother a nice phone when he graduated and my sister too.

Throughout my whole life, I was always jealous of my siblings, especially my younger sister. She took my place and that’s a lot to take in. That’s why sometimes I find myself being mean to her by giving her mean looks, threatening her, and etc… My little sister surpassed me in getting a better phone than I do. My sister has an iPhone, my brother a blackberry, I have a low-tech Nokia phone (the one with the flashlight), my little sis a Samsung Galaxy y, and my little bro a Nokia touch phone. I wonder how my dad can see me with a phone like that knowing I am his daughter, and he’s a doctor.

It’s hard for me to say how I feel to my parents. But I find it easy to say to my closest friends. My mom called me coy once because she heard that I was very very loud in school and I had a lot of friends, but at home I would be less loud and staying in my room.

It was always unfair… And I know it would always be. I don’t even know how I came to this website and why I just wrote this here. I just want to be heard. It’s really unfair being a middle child and whenever I encounter stuff about this it makes me choke up. I wish I was the youngest. I wish my parents didn’t have children after me. I was already the youngest and they made me a middle child. That really hurt.

If I was the youngest I would’ve been the favorite and they would get me things and we wouldn’t have to be worried about money and it wouldn’t be hard talking to them and I wouldn’t be on this blog writing this and tearing up. I deserve to be the youngest after all I’ve been through and I’m still young at 15. UGH. I told myself before that I would never ever have a middle child. I would not risk my child in the future feeling the same way as I do. I hate this.

4 thoughts on “Middle Girl

  1. I’m a middle child, I have an older sister and a younger sister,its not easy, I’m 16 and my youngest sister always wants to climb on my and play games, and if I say no she either goes off I a strop or she kicks me and screams, and then my older sister, she I always either in my room annoying me or out with her friends, and I’m not that great at making friends, that’s why I’m typing how I feel instead of saying
    it, and I have to admit, I am sort of being picked on, but I don’t care, anyway after school I move my book case in front of my door and I don’t come down at all unless I need the bathroom or for food, we always eat where ever we want, but the point is, being the middle kid isn’t easy, its hard, so if you ar the oldest or the youngest in your family, then stop and think about the middle kid!

  2. Haley, as a middle child who just celebrated my 35th birthday and am still close to my family, I assure you that it gets better. When I was your age, I felt exactly the same way you do. I’m sure your family loves you. You are just going through some changes and trying to make sense of it all. The teenage years are the toughest because you are trying to find your own identity. Once you become secure in who you are, you will let go of your resentment and things will work out fine. Be proud of who you are and have some compassion for your other siblings, the oldest usually is under extreme pressure because they set the standard and parents usually expect them to often be a shining example. And the baby is often under intense scrutiny and what you may regard as them being spoiled, can also become being smothered which can be at times. too much to deal with. Lighten up, laugh a little and enjoy being part of a family dynamic as crazy or dysfunctional as they may be. To get the laughs going, I recommend the movie “Because I Said So!”

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