Independent Middle Child

I’m a boy, in between my brother who is 9 years older than me and my sister who is 3 years younger than me. My brother was a bully since he was a lot bigger than me. He likes to tease and disturb me until I broke down to tears. When I cried, he would force me to run back and forth across the street until I stop crying because he was afraid that my parents would know. He always makes me cook breakfast for him and he left me with a very small portion of the breakfast. Sometimes, he tickled me until I peed in my pants.

My sister was spoiled by my parents. I always get scolded even when it was her fault. If I touched her stuff she will start screaming at me and my father scolded me so bad because of that. My father always shouts to me with his loud voice when I cried. He didn’t want to hear me cry or even sobbing, else I will get scolded with his lion roaring voice. Once, I had a long shower he was mad about it and he locked me in the dark store room; naked. I had told my sister a funny thing, and she plagiarized it to my parents. My parents were so amazed with her sense of humor and even until now when they talk back about it. It annoys me so much.

I was the one who do all the house chores; laundry, sweep the floor, reheat the dish that I bought for lunch, walk my sister to school and everything, you name it, just because my sister is too young and my brother is too lazy.

I shared my room with my brother once but that didn’t last long. He harassed me by asking me to do something that a 5years old child not supposed to know yet. I was afraid of him, I slept with my parents ever since. My parents didn’t even ask me why.

On the age of 13, I felt left out ever since I went to boarding school for 5 years. Right after school, about a week gap, I was brought to college until present. I feel much more left out when my sister is closed to my mother and my brother is closed to my father. I am an adult now and I can’t even make a real conversation with my father.

I had a friend who backstabbed me and I told my mother and seek for her advice. My father came to know about it and he unmotivated me by asking me to work on my attitude and find more friends. He said my sister and brother wouldn’t have problem finding friends.

I am a loner due to my childhood experience. I constantly feel that everybody doesn’t like me and low self-esteem. One good thing is that I have learned how to be independent.

– Anonymous

Being the middle child doesn’t mean that I will never be anybody

I have one sister who is a year older, and a brother who is three years younger.

Growing up, there were times that all three of us got into mischief together. Then, there were times when they would gang up against me, and I very clearly remember what it felt like.

It wasn’t just loneliness. I felt rejected and unliked. Similarly, in school, I was ganged up against by the other girls. I sought acceptance. I wanted the coolest pens, I wanted mechanical pencils. Back then, mechanical pencils were really expensive because they were new. Oh, shaker pencils! I don’t know how many of you know about it, but they were cool because everyone had one and they came in many different colours.

But no, my mum decided that it was enough to have regular lead pencils and ball-point pens. My bag was gawky, my pencil case was old and scrummy. Definitely not a cool kid.

My mum wouldn’t let me keep my hair long, but my sis could.
My sis got to take ballet lessons, I couldn’t.
My sister got to have a birthday party, I didn’t. In fact, the first birthday party I had for myself was for my 18th birthday. And, my mum got to decide who to invite. My sister had several; my brother had his own too.
I had to wear specs and somehow, my mum never chose the nicer ones for me. Sure, she did ask me to pick. But she would always complain that they were too expensive. In the end, she got her way because she paid. My sis got to choose her own. My brother doesn’t wear specs.

Was I jealous of them? You bet. It was horrid. I wanted to kill myself; I tried convincing myself that I was adopted.

We graduated to Secondary school, and I entered the same school as my sister, again. I felt like a loser. My sister was class monitor, then school councillor. She had authority and people thought less of me.

Have I mentioned that I was bullied in school? When I was 8, I was bullied so bad on the bus to school, I called my mum from the public phone the minute I reached school. She didn’t want to come get me. She told me that it was nothing. From then, I guess I realized that I was on my own. Teachers couldn’t do anything. Besides, the bullies always come down harder on those who snitched, right?

Secondary school was even more of a pain. Going through puberty and seeking an identity is tough when everyone else seems so comfortable where they were. I was insecure.

I stole, I stopped doing homework, I tried to be bad, thinking it would help me assimilate with the bad kids. It didn’t work.

Then, I tried being good. Completing all my homework, being punctual, answering questions in class. Then they called me a teachers’ pet.

Nothing worked. So I gave up when I was 14. Then, I had two more years of Secondary school. I dreaded school, so I timed myself to reach just before attendance was taken.

Later, I moved on to college, where I started writing short stories and poems. I took a course in Mass Communications and somehow, forgot the need to fit in. I stopped trying. And, friends found me.

I started internship at a local newspaper and continued working there. Now, I am still in touch with friends from church and school, as well as miscellaneous activities I took part in.

What I’m trying to say here is to simply let go of your insecurities. Allow yourself to believe that you are the best that you let yourself be. Find something you like and hone your skill. Life gets so much easier once you accept that Change Starts From YOU.

It still isn’t easy for me to be emotionally honest with my mum because I feel betrayed by how she didn’t help me when I was 8. I am turning 20 next month. I am trying, but maybe it’s just me, but I can’t be emotionally honest with a lot of people, especially those whom I care for.

Maybe it’s because my feelings were dismissed when I was younger, maybe it’s because my parents seemed to prefer the opinions of my siblings instead.

But whatever it is, I realize that I find comfort in small groups of friends. And these people let me believe that I am worthy.

And yes, I am the black sheep of the family. I am not going to university, I party, I drink, I stay out late. I don’t have a conventional job (I am a journalist) and I stick out like a sore thumb, especially in my extended family.

But who cares? Acquaintances tell me that I am lucky that my job is essentially my interest. and how many people have the opportunity to make a living by doing what they love?

I got that chance, because I accepted myself. I am happy being the middle child because I chose to believe in the good things.

by Amanda

My Middle Child Story

Hi, my name is Shannon. I’m a girl (DUH!) I am 13 years old and I am the middle child out of 5 girls. My parents want me to be like my older sisters, nice and perfect. My 3 younger sisters constantly get on my nerves and get me in trouble on purpose because they know I have a short-temper and my parents believe them over me.

My Mom and Dad went shopping one day and bought my older sisters new laptops and a mini fridge for their section of the basement and they got my little sisters each a Disney themed bouncy ball and didn’t get me anything at all. No joke! I always feel left out. Like no one likes me. My friends use me and pick on me because my parents home-school me (No, my Mom and Dad DON’T help me with my school work, I have to do everything for myself) and won’t let me have a phone when my NOT too much older sisters have phones. I’m teased and neglected and I have a few issues that I need to vent about, but my parents won’t get me to a counselor.

I know my parents love me, but they don’t show it very well. I have to do more chores than my sisters because they are too lazy and my 10 year old little sister is apparently too young. I was not allowed to wear makeup until I was 13, but my younger sister can. I can’t go on certain websites, yet my little and older sisters can! I can’t go see something PG, but guess what? MY FUCKING LITTLE BITCHY SISTERS CAN! I’m sorry! I just can’t stand it anymore. I’ve often thought of suicide, but I’m afraid. I even feel like God’s given up on me. I guess I’m an ugly, always-in-trouble girl. :( Please give me SOME advice!

Shannon

My Life as a Middle Child

Well I have 2 older sisters and two younger sisters I am the middle child. My life as a middle child has not been happy and I guess will never be until I am on my own and move far far away! Here’s my story: When I was really young like at the age of 6, maybe 7 was when I realized how tough it is to be a middle child. It was when my sisters decided to play a game involving teams well my eldest sister teamed up with my youngest sister and my other 2 sisters teamed up and I couldn’t play because I didn’t have a team mate! So i just sat on the side and watch my sister’s laugh and play while I sat and wish to not be the middle child the one left out the forgotten one. The older I got the more I realized I didn’t actually fit in with my family. My older sisters got all the attention I wanted from my mom and my two younger ones got away with anything. Megan whom is 2 yrs younger than me and isn’t the baby but acts like one use to and still does pretend that I hurt her or said something and of course my dad would believe her she never got in trouble for anything. I on the other hand was blamed for anything and everything that was done wrong. When my eldest sister moved out and my 2nd older sister Caroline took over and became the suck up 2 my mom. I am fixing to turn 16 and I am begging for my mom’s attention yet she doesn’t care. Because Caroline is so attached to my mom she doesn’t even know I exist!!

My parents never came to any of my award ceremony’s none of my school orientation nothing! The reason why was because my older sisters had went to their school orientation’s and my parents came to theirs so they said that they knew what is going to be about therefore it was pointless to go! Well since they didn’t go 2 my 6th grade school orientation on the first day of 6th grade I had no idea where my classroom was or where to go I walked around hopelessly until the principal saw me and said i was late for my class and lecture me on how I shouldn’t be late on the first day of school then he finally pointed me in the direction I needed to go. Oh and in 7th grade when I won a scholarship to the community college for free since my older sister got one my parents didn’t even go to my ceremony that was a big deal because it was about my outstanding excellence in academics and that’s why I won it! But they didn’t care they wouldn’t waste the time to go to something if they went to it with the older ones! But get this my younger sister Megan when she was going into middle school for the first time my parents went to her 6th grade school orientation!! But they didn’t go to MINE!!!

I try everything to gain some attention from my parents but fail at it every time! I do so well in school but they don’t care. I brought home straight A’s and my mom looked at my report card and said ok? But my younger sister brought her card home and made 3 F’s and one D so my mom goes “Oh my god honey you did so good!! Since you did well on your report card you get to choose where to eat tonight.” I was like WTF?? I make straight A’s and get an ok and she brings home F’s and a D and she gets congratulated!!

It really sucks being the middle child. Being the one that gets blamed for everything, being the one who is neglected, being the one who is left out the one whom everyone thinks is the trouble maker the one who they think is a mistake. I still feel like sometimes I was adopted and I want to believe that but i know it’s not true it’s just a sad little lie I tell myself to make myself feel better. It’s really hard on me because i push myself so far that I am at the breaking part to try to impress my parents! I have learned to be completely self motivated because my parents don’t push me to do anything but be like my other sisters they always compare to my other sisters and ask why I can’t be more like them why I can’t be act like them why I can’t just be like them NEWSFLASH I’M NOT THEM I AM ME!!

On my 15 birthday I didn’t even get a birthday cake, a card, gift NOTHING! Because on my birthday it was the day of my older sister Caroline’s Prom so I didn’t even get a happy birthday from my mom or dad, So you know what I had to do I took myself into the kitchen and got one of those Debbie cake cupcakes then I got a candle lit it and had a b-day party all by myself I sat at the counter crying over my cupcake wishing I had someone who actually cared for me.

I am not sure if being the middle child makes you stronger or weaker I believe it makes you stronger for the fact that my dad hit me across the face once because I started off to him I didn’t cry I stood there and took it but my older sister once when he yelled at her for something she started bawling and whining. I can take way more than my sisters there so weak and so fragile but I am stronger than them I can take the heat I can stand there and take someone screaming at me and not even flinch!

I have became way more independent ever since I was 10 years old and my parents left me at home and took my sisters with them because I told them I didn’t want to go to the stupid parade with them because my sisters each got a dollar and I didn’t get one because my older sister swore I took money from her and I didn’t so my punishment was that I didn’t get a dollar to spend at the parade well I stayed home alone while they went and spent like 4 hours at the parade! I had to cook supper for myself so I went in and cook peas, mac-&-cheese with nuggets I learned from then on that I would be defending for myself for the rest of my life and that is just how I have been doing since then.

Being a middle child shouldn’t be like this i shouldn’t have had to felt sorry for myself and sometime pack my bags then climb out my window and plan to leave and go somewhere else where I would be loved. I shouldn’t have had to pray to God that he would take me outta this world. Or believe that I was adopted I shouldn’t have to go through all of this NO ONE should!!! It’s quite sad how much trauma it is on a middle child yet everyone just believes that we are just jealous and wanting attention and always think about themselves!

GUESS WHAT?????? They are partly right! We do want attention really bad and if they show some to us we wouldn’t want it as bad!! We DO get jealous I am not going to lie we do but it’s for the fact that our siblings get stuff we don’t have they either gets treated like angels and we are the demons or they get all the attention and we would just die to have one day in their shoes!! Also middle child people don’t have the time to think about themselves because there to busy thinking about how they could get their parents attention and at least some affection!!

I HAVE AN IDEA 4 PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT MIDDLE CHILD PEOPLE ARE THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE HOW ABOUT YOU TRY 2 AT LEAST IMAGINE BEING THE ONE LEFT OUT THE ONE NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE ONE WHO HAS TO DEFEND FOR THEMSELVES THE ONES EVERYONE HATES!!!!!!!!!! TRY THAT BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING!

Kam

At the Middle

I’ve “always” known to be and feel “different”.

What a burden it’s been and continues to be so even at my age now. My older brother and the eldest, my sister, were popular at school, clever, good fun, well informed and with real friends. I was anything but unable to know who I am or how to make lasting friends, always thought that I am stupid, teacher tied my left hand behind my back every morning to prevent me using/writing with my right hand, I was 7, This caused me much humiliation and embarrassment, it made me feel even more self conscious.

I craved attention and to be heard or noticed, when I did receive any input I usually blew it, the attention went to my head. Weak, pleasing personality and I despised myself at times. Somehow I never truly succeed, all my life I have always been second best but that’s my own doing because I am now incapable of ever putting myself first so I very often fail.

Believe me I have tried to change, but nothing works.

I do have my happy and good moments but I never quite fit in and feel that I am on the peripheral.

I am “pleasing” another word would be weak, boring, unable to question or challenge very much, always afraid of being rejected, so I developed a “pleasing” nature with my Mum in order to survive, I must have got on her nerves terribly.

I’m OK, But I have also been selfish and cruel by lacking much understanding and being naive and ignorant in the past. I could put my signature as “Loser” but I don’t want to down myself any more.

I could leave the past and guilt alone if my life was good now; I guess I just have got to live with this low self esteem, not a lot to be proud of – eh

Mary