A Story from the Readers

 

I am 22 years old, been married for nearly 4 years and have 2 gorgeous daughters, so it is unlikely that I fit into the loner or commitment bracket as much, but I don’t have a wide circle of friends. I had always grown up in the shadow of my elder brother, he was the brainy one. My younger brother was the baby, and got away with everything. I was the middle child, always getting noticed for the wrong reasons, I am still reminded of these reasons now most times I go home.

An example would be my brothers both being able to have friends over, it was always an inconvenience for mine to come over. I was expected to look up to my brother, and be an example for my younger brother.

As I got older into my teens I used to spend every weekend and my friends house, where I felt most comfortable and less like an outcast that my brothers could gang up on. My friends parents didn’t know or didn’t care about when I was bad, therefore I was never bad to them (wonder why?). I had my escapism when I joined a military youth organization, I found a niche that I fitted right into, I also enhanced my independence.

My older brother got jealous, and resented me (he still does), probably because my mother noticed me for something good for a change. I joined the Air Force and now live 300 miles away from family, where I feel most comfortable.

But problems persist. On my wedding day my mother pleaded poverty to my in-laws, and did a good job, but managed to buy my brother a car for his 21st (she even tried to justify it by saying that your 21st only comes once, so its more important). My wife’s family were seething, does my mother think that my marriage wont last? I can tell you that my relationship with my wife and her family is spot on, and in no way of stopping. We didn’t even get a proper wedding gift. I only received a fraction of the amount the car cost for my 21st. Its examples like this that make me glad we live so far away.

My wife has put up enough with this, she is at her wits end and I believe that this whole middle child syndrome had manifested into a kind of middle family syndrome. My wife and kids are more important to me than the background I come from, I believe. They are my future, and a new life, none of the crap I’m used to. We never get calls, e-mails, we’re always expected to make the first move, and we’ve never asked or received any help (we have had plenty from my in-laws), yet my older brother has his food cooked, bed made, washing cleaned, but he shows no thanks. It makes me sick because my wife and I have struggles and learned to pay our own way, and pay plenty of taxes, he is just a freeloader. Why are we treated differently? Is it because we are moaners? Or are we just thought of as Owain and his new family, and are (once again) ignored and not given the time of day? 2011 is going to be a good year, I am not going to blab about my life and achievements, but am simply going to see if anyone in my family asks or shows concern. Here are some other examples, to summarize;

– My younger brother receiving money to travel home. We are never offered any help to go home, and it costs us a heck of a lot more. Yet my mother uses poverty as an excuse to not visit.

– My daughter stayed at my in-laws, but my mother HAD to see my older brother the same day (he lives 30 minutes away not 6 hrs like us). She went and visited out daughter, moaned about money, and went home. (Only went to see her once in the whole 2 weeks she was there while my wife was giving birth to our (equally) second daughter)

– Brings up stories of my misbehaving youth every time we go home, as if I am still to retain my place in the family lineup as the ‘little git’ one.

– We are not called, or given as much help as my other brothers, we almost feel forgotten.

My wife and I are going to concentrate on the future with our children. If we are to be sidelined, then we have to let that be and sideline my family, we have our own life issues without this hanging over us. Its a case of ‘get involved and interested, or not at all’. We wont see our children feeling sidelined and alienated.

Do You have Middle Child Syndrome?

So you’re a middle child, but how do you know you have Middle Child Syndrome? We have creatively collected this survey from a list of the most common symptoms seen in an individual with Middle Child Personality. The survey is composed of questions that are arranged in in a scale from mild to dangerous symptoms.

The 10 Symptoms
(Answer Truthfully!)

  1. Do you feel alienated from your family?

  2. Do you feel alienated from your friends?

  3. Do you often lock yourself inside your room?

  4. Ever felt used by friends?

  5. Do you get easily depressed from criticism?

  6. Have you ever dreamed of something but didn’t have the courage to pursue it?

  7. Do you feel envy and even hatred towards your parents or siblings?

  8. Have you ever done things just to be accepted or noticed by others?

  9. Did you feel that you were pushed to achieve things that you did not enjoy your childhood?

  10. Ever felt that you did not belong and no one loves you and the world will be better without you?

Meaning of my scores: Count the number of YES‘s to the questions above

0-3 Congratulations! You’re perfectly normal.

4-5 You just suffer low self-esteem. Nothing weird, go fix your hair and you will do fine.

6-8 Do not be scared. It seems you have mild Middle Child Personality. Self-help and guidance will often cure the condition.

9-10 Unfortunately, you suffer a severe condition of Middle Child Syndrome, try not to do anything rash. Emotional support from love ones along with psychiatric help will solve this.

Being the Middle Child

Being a middle child really sucks. I am not generalizing this statement, because middle child syndrome is very real. It is a condition that continues to affect millions of people around the world, including me.

I hate my middle child personality, it is like a disease inside me. I have never felt I truly belonged. All the attention were given to the first and last child. I feel that everything I do goes unnoticed, sometimes it seems that I was not intended to be part of the family. Middle children are the black sheep of the family. Middle children are the outcasts. Yes, I was always aware of middle child personality, they say that middle children are underachievers and inferior compare to our siblings. I personally do not believe this. Since I was a kid, I was driven to achieve things just to be noticed. While being successful at being praised and honored, I still didn’t feel loved at all.

I think middle children are really talented individuals. Well, I’m not a professional artist, but I can say that I’m pretty artistic compared to my other siblings. But still, I always feel that there is something lacking, that feeling prevents me from pursuing my dreams and ambitions. I feel that before I can live my life, I must first move on from the past, which is very hard to do.

I am already 22 years old, still single and living on my own. I hope that all these will pass, and one day I will look at myself and be proud of who I am and what I have achieved, not for the acceptance of others, but for myself.

I strongly believe that good parenting must be practiced by all aspiring parents. In this way, unloved children like me would not continue to suffer. Middle children deserve better.

Between two sisters

My name is Olivia and I too am the middle child of three girls! I think being the middle child of three same sex children makes it even harder, especially with the competition of girls! All my life I have been known as the weird one the outcast just as thus site says. As i got older i became a bit chubby and that’s when my three year older sister made my life hell! She never let me forget about my weight issues and always used that as an excuse to make me cry. Now she is 22, I am 19 and my younger sister is 16. The 22 year old and 16 year old get along great but I however am left alone never even acknowledged. Now its my younger sister who makes fun of my weight, even though i am technically at a normal weight range. The stress from being the middle child or outcast has led to my eating disorder issues, depression, and even suicidal attempts. This site makes me happy to see that there are others living through it and going through what i had to somewhat!

Hi Olivia! First of all, I am surprised to read this. It reminds me exactly of myself. I am the middle, between two sisters. At a point in my life, I became very fat, obese I think, due to emotional eating. Believe me when I tell you that I understand exactly how to be the middle of two sisters, and how the younger sister can be very annoying. I try to spend more time outdoors when I’m feeling lonely, playing sports like badminton, you could try it, it really helps.

Are You Often Sad and Depressed?

At least at one point in our lives, we all undergo a stage of depression. It is most of the time completely normal to have symptoms of depression and prolonged sadness, however sometimes severe depression could develop into clinical depression or what they call major depression. This is a serious medical illness that would require professional help.

Stress was killing me

I recently went to see my psychiatrist because I feel like depression is starting to have really harmful effects on my health. My doctor first talked to me, like he was diagnosing how bad my depression was. I have been advised to take some antidepressants, which I respectfully refused. I personally think that I do not need them, but I agree that the use of these antidepressant may prove effective for most people. If you are feeling very discomfortable and troubled, do not hesitate to take the medication.

There are a lot of methods in treating depression. The most usual methods are psychotherapy, the use of antidepressants, I have even heard of giving the patient electric shocking. For most cases, the use of these methods are combined to enhance the effects.

Depression Medicines

Based on some researches, there are three chemicals responsible for causing clinical depression. The three are norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine, which transmit electrical signals through brain cells. Antidepressant medications work by increasing the functionality of neurotransmitters or by changing the sensitivity of the receptors in our brain. The researchers believed that modifying these brain chemicals can help in treating depression.

For more information on the depression medicines, please consult your psychiatrist.

Effects of Proper Medication

These are just some benefits of taking your medications. Note that it is not always advisable to take these medicines in treating depression so make sure you consult your doctor. I’m not a doctor.

  • Better Sleep

Taking these medications will most likely give you a good night’s rest. You will be more energetic to do your daily task.

  • Better Performance at Work

Having more energy will make you more productive in your work.

  • Happy Living

Treating your depression attacks can remove the obstacles in your life. Without these obstacles, you can live a more fulfilling life, meet new people and be closer to your family and friends.