My Life as a Middle Child

I am 15, and a middle child.

Growing up I was made to do everything for everyone else. I have an older sister who is 18, a younger sister who is 13, and a younger either who is 10. When I was 2 my parents got divorced when my mother was pregnant with my younger sister. My father is an alcoholic and get very emotionally abusive and sometimes physically abusive. My oldest sister has always been the immature one so I’ve always had the responsibility. I would get my sisters food, I would babysit her and my younger either while my older sister could go out everyday when she was in high school. I would get a “thank you” but they never really appreciated what I did and what I still do.

Whenever I would rebel against them their excuse is that “I’m more mature and responsible”. After a while I got sick of that answer. I am very aware of my surroundings and whenever I went to my dads and he was drunk I wasn’t afraid to speak up. He has called me every name in the book. He always praised my older and younger sister, because my older sister just takes his side and gangs up on me and my younger sister just doesn’t say anything. My mother makes me get everything for everyone else, but the moment I ask I get yelled at because I’m lazy and that I shouldn’t be asking for anyone else to get me something. Whenever I refuse to get anyone else anything my whole family gangs up on me and is mean to me until I do what I was told to do. My mother got remarried and had my younger brother. My stepfather has always favored my brother and my younger sister because she was so young when he married my mom so my sister considers him her father. He used to smack me, and dislocated my sister wrist. He has anger issues and takes them out on everyone else. I don’t get why my mother ever stayed with him and even though me and my mother are very close I can’t help but hold it against her. He never put his hands on my younger siblings.

I known as the “freak” by all of my siblings. I have had counselors for 5 years and I suffer chronic depression and I have bad trust and commitment issues, and my family doesn’t think that they could be part of the reason why I have so many issues. I’m so sick of being the middle child.

– Mandy

Why do I even try

Hi, I’m Nikki, I am a 14 year old girl, my big brother is 18 and my little sister is 10,, they always look out for each other but just leave me hanging, I got in a fight a school last year my brother was actually helping the other girl it made me feel like shit the rest of the day and I didn’t even go to school the next day.

My sister gets everything she wants, I wanted a bird and I waited six months for that bird and when we went to the pet store to get it she was looking at the mice and asked daddy if she could get one he said if you clean your room tomorrow we could come back and get it, and she is the laziest person ever! I had a dog for eight months and I loved her so much I wanted another one, my friends dog had puppies so I picked one out at 3 days old, I worked so hard for that dog I cried every night and asked myself if its worth it. My sister didn’t do shit during this time, we went to go get her(her name is Luna) and a few minutes later she came to me holding one of the puppies saying “Nikki, I get this one” I almost cried. I had to take care of her damn dog because she was at school and I am home schooled, I just did what I was told I was taking care of my two dogs, my sisters dog and my parents two Rottweiler’s, I couldn’t even take it for two weeks so I asked to get rid my sisters dog and my mom said if we get rid of her dog we get rid of Luna, I was desperate so I had to get rid of one of my babies, I cried for two days.

I try to be with my pets more than my family and they don’t seem to care, but when they leave to take my sister to volleyball practice I stay home and cry. My brother got everything he wanted too I asked for some money for eight dollar shoes from my mom and se said no, and I see my brother with ten bucks walking down the hallway, I asked him where he got it and what he was doing with it, he says I’m going to a party mom gave it to me.

I feel lonely inside, I have this feeling I need o be famous to be seen or heard, because I get good grades in school sometimes I even get awards, but every time my brother get an A, oh my God he’s a genius, same with my sister and they show relatives and all I get is a “good job”. I do good in school I get mostly A’s and B’s but I get C’s in math because I am horrible at it, and I get shit from my brother saying how stupid I am or how ugly and fat I am I am tired of this!

– Nikki

A Beautiful Community

I am a middle child. When I read the posts here, I can relate to them from the core of my soul. I often wondered, family patterns and cultures vary across different parts of the world, but some things are universal, like us middle children.

I have experienced all or most the symptoms associated with middle child syndrome. I was always made to feel like an ugly duckling of the family. Whenever I played a game, I wasn’t applauded. When I excelled in school, it was a not a big thing. When I dressed up for a party, I was always made to feel like a clown, even though I was well dressed. My eating habits were also picked upon; I could not get a morsel down my throat because my heart was heavy. If I continue narrating my saga, then it will take a major part of your time.
Now, I am a married woman with two lovely kids and a very caring husband. All of them know about the trauma I went through and they pamper me like a child. All you middle children, I just want you to know that God has a way of balancing things. I now have a wonderful family.

There is so much maternal instinct in me, that I still feel connected to all of you on this board. Kids, be happy and joyful. I am a mother, but I still have the middle child inside of me, only this time the pain is much less, because I have a lovely family.

Never ever think that nobody cares for you, I care for all of you. To all middle children, we are not weird, we are unique. We are not abnormal, we are above normal. We are not eccentric, we are exclusive. God bless you all!

A point to add here is that some people who have come on this board have stated that even though they were middle children, they grew up normally. Good for them, but let them not dilute or simplify what middle children go through.

Anyways, middle children, we are a beautiful community.

Alice

Hoping for a Better Life

Hi, I’m Gina, I’m 20 yrs old. I’m the second child among my four siblings and everyone in my family thinks I’m a useless person.

My life was like “why you can’t be like your sister?”, “why you always being so childish?”

I love arts, very much. But my parents won’t let me further my studies because my sister couldn’t make it into university and they assume the I’m same too, will never make it. As my brother turn 17 this year and he wanted to study law. My mum started to put every effort and support so she can get him into a good school.

I have changed numerous jobs because I just don’t get want I really want and I don’t even know what I want. This really destroys my resumes and often got rejected. Now I have spent full time teaching myself drawing. But whenever my sister saw me drawing she started to say I will never succeed and I’m wasting my time. I complaint to my mum about it she just reply I’m such a troublemaker.

I just feel this world is so unfair. I wanted to run away from home. I did think about commit suicide but I’m too afraid.
Even romance don’t work well on me. Guys just flee off when they came to know that I never been in relationship before. You can guess I’m a lone wolf. I just want a better life.

Sorry for my bad English as it was not my native language.

Gina

Can You Relate?

I have one older sister, E, one older brother, C, and two younger sisters, M and Z. As you can guess, I’m the middle daughter, G.

Looking back, I feel like my entire personality has been revolving around the lack of attention I’ve received as a child. When I say I was overlooked, I wholeheartedly mean “I was overlooked.” I grew to be loud in my words and random in my actions. Still, I never dared to ask for anything and I stayed out of everyone’s way in fear that I would be rejected. All I did was crack jokes and run around laughing. Unfortunately, that only gave me the title of being “superficial.” Now, my siblings don’t believe me when I try to convey my feelings. They deny my right to be human. They call me “heartless” and “evil” and “black-hearted” and “devil” and anything else you can imagine. Don’t even get me started on how they harp about my weight. I have to admit I’m not model-thin, but I’m not even overweight! It’s needless to say that my self-esteem is significantly low…

I don’t really fit in. E is admired for her go-getter and perseverant personality as a first-born. C is the only boy in the family, and so he is doted on more than any of us girls. M is naturally charming and lovable. People are strangely attracted to her and are somehow found doing her favors left and right, like she’s put a spell on them or something! Z is extremely super duper smart. As the last child, she is doted on and admired for her intelligence. Somehow, it turns out I’m average compared to all of them. My family always has trouble pinpointing my good points. That breaks my heart…

I don’t know why I’m never good enough. There was a point in my life where I wasn’t even called by name. It was always E’s or C’s sister. What happened to my name? Didn’t I have an identity of my own? How could I be associated with my siblings by my own classmates? Don’t even get me started on how, at the middle school, I was almost mistaken for M’s and Z’s mother because I’m always taking care of them! And to think that people often mistake me for a high-schooler! Age-wise, does that even make any sense?

And yes, I am the peacemaker in the family. M and Z are always fighting about petty stuff. No one bothers to clear up the air. I’m like their flipping mom! But (Surprise! Surprise!) I also help E and C with their emotionally charged debates. Without me there, things sometimes get violent. I find myself time and time again working as the pillow they vent on. It wears me down and it terrifies me, but I’ve stood strong so far and I know that if I don’t step in, things get ugly really quickly. I say this through experience. Once, when E and C were fighting, I wanted to see them resolve things for themselves for once and it got so big that M and Z crawled into my bed, terrified. I couldn’t watch my younger sisters in that state, so I once again put myself in a position where I had to hide my trembling body and face their vocal assaults. No one seems to realize that I’m not indestructible and that I’m surprisingly fragile. I’m scared of their anger and their criticism. I’m scared half to death of being verbally beaten down…

Whenever my siblings want to do something, I’m always the one to compromise with what they want. When I voice my dislike, they find it appropriate to leave me home alone, while they do their thing. There was this one time when I asked my mom to take me, just the two of us, to go do something together and it was interrupted by a call from home saying that there was trouble and that we had to return. I laughed it off and said it was okay, like I always did. What I didn’t expect was my mom’s angry tone saying “The one time you ever ask for anything and it’s interrupted!” I was so moved that I silently cried in the back seat of the car…

I started feeling depressed two years ago, but no one noticed. The loud me morphed into a silent statue. I never talked. I only slept. I slept and slept and slept some more. I did all the housework, quickly finished my homework and then went to sleep. It wasn’t rare for me to sleep for more than 16 hours straight practically every day. No one noticed… It took two years for someone to one day think “Hey! Where’s G?” But, even after that, it didn’t matter, because they completely forgot about me a second later.

I’ve always been a straight A student, but due to my depression my grades slipped. That was the first time I’d gotten attention from the family. Of course, there had to be a catch! For the entire two weeks of winter vacation, my dad called me incessantly every day screaming for hours and berating me for not doing well and not being good enough. He drove me absolutely nuts with fear to the point that, now, every time I hear the phone ring, I jump up and almost run out of the house. This has made me finally realize that the only time my existence is confirmed is when I’m not good enough…

The last time I heard a good word about me was from a friend I confided in. I was having serious issues about whether I had done something unfair to my sister and to my great surprise he was shocked out of his mind at my guilt and repeatedly called me a saint! I absolutely fell in love with the praise. But, this only served to later make me miserable at the thought that I was desperately thirsting for compliments. It made me feel pathetic…

All the other kids are looked over by mom, dad and grandma. They are showered with attention and even I try to glue together the two older with the two younger siblings. And after all the hard work I put in, whether it’s taking care of the house or emotionally supporting everyone, I’m never recognized. It’s like I’m some invisible force that works as a buffer between everyone. When I’m gone, things crumble. Sadly, even when I’m absent I’m not acknowledged…

My passion is art. I love drawing. I’ve been highly discouraged from doing it, though. From a young age, the fact that I’ve picked up a pencil has been an excuse for ridicule and mockery. But, have no fear! Regardless of everyone’s taunting and bullying, I’ll never give it up! It’s the one thing that I feel keeps me alive. Even though I’ve grown a severe complex because of all the criticism, I’m still unwilling to let it go. It’s my private paradise and now that I’m in college I hope to get into the art community so I can mingle with people who can relate to me. Wish me luck, because my dad will murder me when he finds out about this.

Sorry for being such a complainer and a complete wimp. I just wish I was stronger…

Gale