Middle Child Syndrome
Are You a Middle Child?
Technically, middle children are those who are born in between two or more siblings. Being born in between is a bigger problem than what we think. Before we cite the characteristics of middle children, let’s take a brief view of the some birth order traits, here goes. The eldest child is the leader, often he has strong decisive qualities that allow him to make firm decisions. This may be due to the expectations and special attention given to him by his parents. The youngest child is often lax and confident, probably the loudest and sometimes spoiled because the parents have used up their energies disciplining the others. The youngest is not much pressured than the eldest but never the less, she is given the attention she deserves. The middle child is then left with the biggest problem, what role could he/she take in the family?
The middle child, unlike the others, is not given much attention. The following are just some characteristics that define middle children. Note that not all of them or maybe even none may be observed in middle children. Middle children have low self-esteem. They need support for anything they do, sometimes talents are wasted when they do not pursue their dreams. Middle children have a feeling of emptiness.They are always lonely and are jealous of others. This is a very broad trait, since it affects every aspect of their lives. They may be a little weird, unfriendly and even worse, psychotic because of this feeling of emptiness. The two traits mentioned above can interact differently with different personalities. For example, an introvert middle child may prove to be more depressed and lonely than the extrovert middle child. There are a lot of possibilities for middle children, but the results are mostly negative.
Note: There are a lot of cases where middle children do not possess middle child personality. In some cases, attention is given to the middle child. For example, the middle child is the only girl and she is treated like a baby. Another example would be when the eldest is the laid back type who is a big loser, the middle child then would take the role of the eldest as the leader.
The Possible Causes
There are two main causes of having middle child personality. Identity crisis and lack of emotional support. Identity crisis is very common to all, it is something that we continue to struggle with. In fact, everyone wishes to be different so nothing can actually be done with it. The second is lack of emotional support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that they should be given the love and attention that was due a long time. I believe that this will only make her more dependent on her parent’s approval. Rather, she should be aware of the situation and resolve the problem from within, by overcoming the suppressed emotions that were kept from childhood. There are a lot of methods known today that offers promising results, one of these methods is Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP.
But that’s just my opinion. Comments are appreciated.
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I am the mother of three children, two girls and a boy. My son is the middle child and exhibits the behaviors of MCS. He is athletic and Is definitely an extrovert. I am divorced from his father, but we meet up at his events and cheer him on together. I seem to spend most of my time taking him where he wants to go and dragging his two sisters along. Yet, he wants more. In fact, I don’t think I could ever do enough, he would always feel like I am spoiling his sisters more. But, I honestly don’t. I will continue to give him as much attention as I can, because I love him and I love spending time with him….but is my thought process completely off base? Or am I correct in thinking that part of the MCS is feeling sorry for yourself and letting that consume you?
I hate being the middle child. My older sister is always the one who makes mistakes, but my younger sister is a lazy bitch and should go to a gym to lose weight. She never does anything and i’m always left to pick up the slack. Somethimes i feel like a stranger in my own house and i’d rather be alone in my room than socializing with my family.
I wish I was never the middle child. It ruined my life. I get in the most trouble and when I’m not in trouble I’m invisible! Life is terrible. I hate how my younger and older siblings get the most attention! I wish It wasn’t this way.
I’m the middle child in my family and I find it sucks! My older siblings get to do new things while the younger children still get to old things!
On the other hand, I’ve made some really close friends who understand me. They know what I’m going through and they’ve always listened to me.
It does console me a little to know that I’m not alone.
I’m the middle child and have two other sisters. Both my sisters have anxiety problems (my elder sis has ocd and my younger sis has had panic attacks) so naturally my parents were more concerned with them.
When I was 14-16, I went through a really depressing period in my life. I was a really sad kid. I got jealous of my friends and I was always arguing with my parents and little sister. I cried often because I felt so ignored and insignificant in school and at home; people literally ignored me and cast me out because I was really weird and different.
It hurt so bad and I was cutting myself (seeing myself get injured somehow made me feel better). I’ve considered suicide then. I knew I had a problem and tried to tell my mom and sis about it, but they didn’t believe me. They ignored me.
I’ve always been really insecure, envious and possessive. I was always overly jealous when I had my first boyfriend. We both hated it.
My elder sis is doing a terrible job as the eldest. She’s irresponsible and inconsiderate. She treats outsiders like pots of gold, pretending to be such a gentle angel in front of them, but is really rude and satirical to her family.
I have to assume the role of the eldest. I’m a really sarcastic person and I get mean sometimes, but it’s only because I’m so afraid people will see how weak I am inside. My self-esteem is barely there but I always try to be strong by putting up brave fronts. I’m doing it for my mother. I love her, and I don’t want to make her worried for me as well. She calls me her pillar of strength. Whenever she’s upset, she’d always pour her troubles out to me because I’ll be the only kid there for her.
I know she loves me. She is a great mother and we get along really well. I don’t blame her either. My sisters honestly need more help so in order to lessen her parental burdens, I try to handle myself, train myself to be stronger. It’s not working well.
Sometimes, my older sis suddenly tries to assume her role as the eldest, and I’m smashed. It’s good that she’s stepping up, but it wasn’t easy for me trying to figure out my identity. When she becomes the eldest again suddenly, I’m no longer needed to be her substitute. So who am I suppose to be? When this happens, everything in the family rotates around her, and suddenly i feel forgotten and neglected.
It’s really hard being the middle child. I have completely forgotten who I truly am. I put on a strong, formidable front in front of everyone, but deep down, I honestly have no idea what’s it really like to really be me.
I hate it that I’m always trying to get attention and stand out. I hate how I’m so jealous of my friends’ achievements when i should be happy for them. I hate how I’m always bragging about myself to others just to get some recognition. I make myself look so pathetic.
I’m so sorry this comment is so long. I just really needed to spew it out. I shouldn’t wallow in self-pity when there are more unfortunate people who need our help, but I just wanted to release.
I agree with all of this because being the middle child is so hard, except my parents spoil me more than my siblings but I still feel alone when they buy me things because I want the relationship they have with my brother and sister. I think I am just jealous of how my siblings don’t need my parents to buy them things to connect with them because their bonds are already so much stronger than mine.
I know how it is. I used to be the sensitive younger choild but now I can barely get their attention. My sister gets away with more stuff and my little bro gets so many gifts. I make sure he is not spoiled nd has manners. I am always deppressed. My mom never or at least barely says good job when i win a competition. I don’ t exactly blame her I just want more hugs and lovee. My sister called me bpolar. I am 12 yrs old.
How does all of this MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME relate if you are number 4 out of 6…? or….3 & 5….?? are they also “Middle Children”..?? Do these characteristics, emotions, scars, pains and dissappointments rest in all of them…??..number 3,4 &5…?
It seems that this MIDDLE CHILD is only when there are 3 children, maybe 4…BUT not 5 or 6 or more cchildren.
So:
1. maybe there is something to learn from the developmental life experiences of each child versus the assumptions about being #2 out of three(3).
2. Maybe there are also some “genetic” issues that transfer from Parent to child that impacts the child’s sense of self and development.
3. Maybe being the MIDDLE CHILD could be a launch pad for that child in a positive way. Could there be characteristics like, listening & observation skills, writing skills, creativity or a host of others traits that could make this child more impactful in life than thousands of others including thier siblings.
Someone might look into the childhood life experiences of some of the worlds historical “giants” to see if they were in “the MIDDLE”.
Signed… #4 out of 6.
Oh,by the way, the most “accomplished” by the Grace of GOD.
I have a family of 5 kids and I’m the middle child! Think smart kid!
My older brother use to tease me by saying things like my mum loves him the most and dad loves my younger brother the most which hurt alot because I know that it is true, I’ve always suffered from MCS and I blame my parents,, I was never loved by them when I was younger they treated me like s**t and even my brothers agree with me.
I’m not very smart so I couldn’t get the attention by getting good grades, so I turned to doing bad things to get the attention i so needed, getting banned from a shop when I was 10 for stealing, and being locked up in a cell for 5 hours for trespassing when I was 11 is just a few things that I did for my parents attention.
By the time I was 14 I was doing drugs and not caring about my parents attention, I hated them and I did for a long time.
Now I am 24, I’ve been off drugs for about 2 years but it’s too late my life is f***ed, I don’t trust anybody anymore, too much of a coward to kill myself. And even though blaming them for something they unintentionally done to me is stupid, I can’t help but blame them for the way I am, if they treated us as equals would I be a different person, would I be happy. Well that’s something that I’ll never know but I know one thing and that’s I’m never going to haver more the two children.
I am a grown middle child who got sent away as a child to live
with Grandparents who did not like me because I was considered
the troublemaker in the family. Granted I did some weird things
but I was looking for some attention. I still remember to this day
running after the car and begging them to take me home as they
drove away. Some memories never go away. My mother never really
wanted me as I was only 18 months younger that older sister. But
no birth control in those days. Then 6 years later had my brother
and mom almost died brother was third generation name sake
so of course he was very cherished. Older sister was adored by
grandparents as for me I was just there special to no one just
there.Some scars last a lifetime. I was a child who no one wanted.
Our childhood mirrors each other. I am sorry for both of us.
Well I’m 17 years old and I am a middle child. Most of my dressing involves music like rock. I guess the rock attitude from all decades grew on me and made me become a rebelliois person. I started to learn how to play the guitar when I was in the 7th grade, I’m in the 11th grade now and I have been asking for a guitar for the past five years. By the end of my 7th grade year my school music teacher was not their to teach me to play the instruments to master due to economic school issues. So later on my 8th grade, my sister finished her schooling at a private school and for my garduation present I get nothing but cake and she gets a new car, which she does not even have a license till this day and im here begging for a guitar for a year now. So that Christmas I wanted a guitar but my little brother wanted a xbox 360 which he doesn’t play frequently so I’m there pretending I like the present we got in which its alright. My 14th birthday I ask for a guitar they give me money to go to the mall and get clothes which I had enough of. To this day and to remind you, I am 17 years old and still asking to get a guitar and master it, its like they don’t see any potential in me but they would favor my little brother and see potential in my older sister more. As for my self-esteem its well balanced I’m in high school I talk to many girls have many friends and those who would want to put me down I ignore them so to those middle child’s out there keep your head up because your not alone.
Although I am number four for my parents I do consider myself a middle child. I remembered how tough it was growing up, I had low self esteem and even walked with a hunch. When I had my child at 19 it was because I was looking for love. Over the years I’ve learnt to love myself. I’m 30 now and still have a few middle child syndromes left, I don’t like being left alone, I always feel like I’m being rejected and this drives people away.
Those of you who have said that this doesn’t pertain to you, do you really think you’re comments are necessary?
Of course there are going to be exceptions with everything, and this is no different. You are lucky, and I am absolutely happy for you I just don’t think everyone else who is struggling to understand why they are who they are, needs to hear this from you.
Again, I am happy for you. Enjoy
So I took a psych course about a year ago that introduced me to these birth order traits. And I felt like that everything that was said about the middle child had hit the nail directly on the head.
I’m the middle child.
ive been reading up on middle child syndrome and whatnot but i’d like to know how I can counteract the things that have left me the way I am today.
im lonely. different, weird, etc. No one would say this, as im good at hiding myself….but i feel like im “dumbing” myself down to be accepted…
i was hoping doin some research would help, but now i just feel helpless.
i just want to be normal….
Ikr!
I pretty much agree with this article. I am 3 years older than my youngest sister who was spoiled rotten, whenever it was my birthday she would have to get a present too, if one of my parents brought home something for her and I, she had to get to pick first or she would scream and cry, and whine plus she was always told how pretty she was. I am 10 years younger than my other sister who is very smart and graduated college and became a teacher. While I am struggling, emotionally and physically my sisters are doing fine. My older sister says mean and cruel things to me, and my younger sister is still a spoiled brat. I would rather be who I am than either one of my sisters.
I’ve never understood the “Middle Child Syndrome” or complex or personality characteristics. I never understood why people would pity me or act condescendingly when I say I’m the second of three. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing, but not once in my life have I ever been or felt left out, ignored, alone or empty. I’ve actually always been looked at as the strong, dependable child, and not because my brother, who is 2 years older, is lazy or a “big loser” as the article suggests. There’s never been any competition between any of us; each of us has very different and distinct interests and personalities. My brother was a great athlete and very popular, I was more the quiet intellectual, and my younger sister a combination of both. My mother encouraged all of us equally and still continues to do so. (I am 29, my brother 31 and my sister 20.) It feels like a created problem that people latch onto.
it really depends on how your parents treated you. if your parents didn’t treat you like a middle child, but rather like a child, then you wouldn’t be experiencing any mcs
please don’t judge what you haven’t experienced
Totaly agreed.. Nvr judge whn you have never being throught it.
Couldnt agree more. I am the middle child and hates it day after day. But like you said, one have to work on these things
I google searched middle child because of a joke I recently heard about middle children. Reading this article as well as these responses was definitely helpful in explaining who I am to myself. Looking back on it, I took for granted many of the things that come along with being a middle child and often ignored them. I am definitely an introvert and I continuously doubt myself. I really believe I experience ‘depression’ yet I have never told anyone. It comes and goes, but I have found that the more I focus on other things like classes and sports (things I understand and enjoy), the less I think about my shortcomings and at times I can get rid of my depression for long periods of time by doing this.
The one thing that has bothered me about some of these posts is the theme of blaming your parents and siblings for your ‘middle child syndrome’. If it exists, I have it, but I could never blame my family for it. I would never separate from my family either, I think that’s a weak way to deal with it. If you are who you want to be, they will respect and love you.
I think the more we blame others, the less we will be successful in what we want to achieve. Find those who will encourage you, and use their support in ways that will boost your confidence. I have at times thought that the only thing holding me back from succeeding in everything I want to, is my lack of confidence. In order to succeed and be happy, I have found that you must find reasons to confident, and that is something that is possible for everyone.
Make good decisions, and stay humble.
Interesting. I never heard about the term “Middle Child Syndrom” until just now, but I must say, almost everything you guys list (and more), I have experienced as well.
[I had "my big list of grievances" here, but I deleted it, I found it petty when re-reading it]
I feel ridiculous writing this stuff down, because I have always hated myself for noticing these things. But I guess, if MCS is a thing, I can understand myself and accept this trait about me, maybe even learn to get rid of it.
thank you very much for this page!
i think its almost true…
im the eldest in the family and i always felt that my sister(middle child) has some sort of jealousy over me. i think she feels that she should be better at something that im not good at.
i think my sister is pretty and has the potential to actually be better than me. i just feel like if i inspire her she wouldnt feel like im above her and that were sisters thus equals.
instead of being inspired she began to think that shes no match to me.
we butt heads from time to time and as the eldest i usually bent my anger on something else.
i jst hope shell know the potentials that she has and stop being such a bitch sometimes…
I actually agree with this for the most part! I have an older sibling and two younger siblings, but I have all of the traits you mentioned. Some to the extreme! I love my parents but they definitely gave my siblings way more attention.
IDENTITY CRISIS! So sick of it haha
I’m 13 and a middle child today I was alone in my bedroom crying because my dad and older sistervwas makeing fun of me I redress my mum on how I felt and because I’m a girl and a teen. She said it was hallmones but I have every thing this webpage says i feel in loved by my hole family my nan goes on about when my 15 yr old sis was little and my grandad used to talk to me now I bearly get a hi cuz of my yonger 6 yr old little sis and my older sis is a daddys girls and my little sis is a mummys girl so I now have no one so if u have a middle child please treat them as they r a big or little one
My husband and sister are middle children. I would like more info on the middle child.
I am first child do you have info for me?
Thank you,
Betty Jane Fairchild
This is blasphemy in terms of social resultants, and ridiculous at a functional level.
More importantly, it is utterly sad how people use it as a scapegoat in order to provide themselves with excuses for their situation and insane thought processes. You either achieve what you want, or you don’t. Simple as that. It’s not your older and younger siblings fault, and shame on you for blaming them for your own lack of effort. Absolutely ridiculous. It’s no wonder the American society is so malformed and self diluted. We believe in crap like this.
@Jake:
This article is NOT blaming older or younger siblings.
This article is only bringing to light an absolute truth that, like the middle child, is often overlooked.
I say this from experience.
In my situation, I am the youngest of three to my parents…they got divorced and I lived with my father…by the time I was 4 he had remarried and began having more children…I was then considered the middle child and I became almost invisible.
For example, I went to my 8th grade graduation by myself because my father and his new wife attended my youngest siblings Kindergarten graduation.
It was not so much that I was envious of my youngest sister, but that I began to feel that my “being” was not significant to my family.
To this day, I am the only sibling who left home—to another state—and never returned…not even for my father’s funeral.
Childish? Possibly.
But another way to look at it is to remind myself that my emotional needs were often overlooked by parents I wanted so much to please.
To avoid the pain of being ignored, I subconsiously became emotionally disconnected.
And unfortunately, this “emotional disconnect” has also affected my future relationships.
I really enjoyed this article. It gives me a starting point to “grow-up” and become connected again.
I hope that never happens to me!
I cried reading this. So sad it was
Im a middle child also .Im 27 years old and i hate being the middle child!! .I feel unloved all the time ,Feel the need to try and get my mother And Fathers approval for everything (wich never happens) My eldest brother is a teacher .I work in a supermarket,And my bitch sister is a lazy slob who breeds children for a living!! Yet She gets all the support from my mother .And i get none :S .My mother never wants to spend time with my children .Yet spends alot of time with my sisters children .Its Just dam right hurtfull!!! And to be honest with you all .No matter how much talking you do with your parents to try and get a little bit fairness for yourselfs .I dont think you`ll ever ever get it !! .Theres only realy one solution for a middle child i feel… Cut your family out of your life .Don`t let them know that your doing it .Do it gradually .By doing things like ignoring txt phone calls not going to parents as often avoiding family ocasions etc … That way your not seting your self up for rejection and making you self feel shity about your self !!! .And lowing your self esteem .Well thats what im trying to do at the momment anyways i`ll let ya all know how it turns out P.S keep your chin up
xx
I’m a middle child. The middle of three boys. I had a hard time
finding my identity growing up. One day I looked at it this way.
I can be both the older, and younger brother at the same time.
Think about it your older brother will never know what it feels
like to be a younger brother. Your younger brother will never
know what it feels like to be an older brother. As a middle
child you can be both.
A lot of the middle child personality traits apply to me. I always tended to be the opposite of my older brother, was something of a loner and then would also sometimes do things just to get attention. I have the instincts of a peacemaker.
Despite being the middle child, my brother and father used to complain I was my mother’s favorite. Actually, she set higher standards for me than she did for my older brother or younger sister. My older brother could fight them more and my sister was spoiled and not expected to toe the line very much.
I believe a the severity of this issue is the years apart of each sibling. I am a middle child and my older brother was only 2 years older so we did everything together. My parents put us on the same sports teams when we were growing up and had the same group of friends. Growing up I was always doing something with him so when we were in high school and he had his own group of friends I struggled to maintain my own circle of friends. It hurt my grades in school but got better in college when he wasn’t living at home anymore. Even now we both had to move back home and we have the same friends, he is the one that gets contacted whenever our friends plan something. It just seems that whenever he is around I feel almost useless. Now I keep to myself by playing golf (scratch golfer…hard work), reading, and playing video games. I go to school, I work, I’m lucky to have one day off during the week and he calls me lazy. I even had plans to go to a golf management school but didn’t go because when I told my brother about it he dropped out of college to go to the same school. I’m 25 years old and it finally feels like I’m doing my own thing. It may not be much but it’s a start.
I almost cried reading this. Nice to see you getting through it.
I was the oldest of three kids. I was treated as a middle child which is odd I know. I was never into sports because the only sport I love was when I was on the swim team but we moved and they did not have a swim team. As a child I constantly remember doing everything by myself. Whether it be playing or sleeping in my own bed etc. My little sister could do no wrong as a child and was spoiled but I will say it caught up to my mom when she became a teenager. I never felt love as a child but did get it when I met my husband. We now have a son and I make it a point to make sure he gets more than enough love.
Could agree more. being a middle child sucks, the most subtle double standards you have to face 24/7 couldnt be more annoying.
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