Middle Child Syndrome
Are You a Middle Child?
Technically, middle children are those who are born in between two or more siblings. Being born in between is a bigger problem than what we think. Before we cite the characteristics of middle children, let’s take a brief view of the some birth order traits, here goes. The eldest child is the leader, often he has strong decisive qualities that allow him to make firm decisions. This may be due to the expectations and special attention given to him by his parents. The youngest child is often lax and confident, probably the loudest and sometimes spoiled because the parents have used up their energies disciplining the others. The youngest is not much pressured than the eldest but never the less, she is given the attention she deserves. The middle child is then left with the biggest problem, what role could he/she take in the family?
The middle child, unlike the others, is not given much attention. The following are just some characteristics that define middle children. Note that not all of them or maybe even none may be observed in middle children. Middle children have low self-esteem. They need support for anything they do, sometimes talents are wasted when they do not pursue their dreams. Middle children have a feeling of emptiness.They are always lonely and are jealous of others. This is a very broad trait, since it affects every aspect of their lives. They may be a little weird, unfriendly and even worse, psychotic because of this feeling of emptiness. The two traits mentioned above can interact differently with different personalities. For example, an introvert middle child may prove to be more depressed and lonely than the extrovert middle child. There are a lot of possibilities for middle children, but the results are mostly negative.
Note: There are a lot of cases where middle children do not possess middle child personality. In some cases, attention is given to the middle child. For example, the middle child is the only girl and she is treated like a baby. Another example would be when the eldest is the laid back type who is a big loser, the middle child then would take the role of the eldest as the leader.
The Possible Causes
There are two main causes of having middle child personality. Identity crisis and lack of emotional support. Identity crisis is very common to all, it is something that we continue to struggle with. In fact, everyone wishes to be different so nothing can actually be done with it. The second is lack of emotional support. Because the eldest and youngest are the common favorites, the middle child is not given any support or attention. This unloved feeling makes them less confident and envious of others.
Is there a Solution?
Some say that they should be given the love and attention that was due a long time. I believe that this will only make her more dependent on her parent’s approval. Rather, she should be aware of the situation and resolve the problem from within, by overcoming the suppressed emotions that were kept from childhood. There are a lot of methods known today that offers promising results, one of these methods is Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP.
But that’s just my opinion. Comments are appreciated.
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Reading this description hurt. I’m a middle child & i’ve always felt invisible, weird and depressed. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister she’s older than me. I’m 18 and she is 26 and i’ve always been jealous of her because everybody likes her, she’s close with my mom and my brothers and i’m not. Every time I try to reach & speak to them they don’t hear me or make fun of me by saying that i’m weird and stuff. Because of that i’m always by myself, I don’t like spending time with them because they(my whole family) always end up making fun of my & that since I was a little child.
At least now i know why I have those hate/love feeling towards them.
I am a middle child. Instead of being depressed, when I didn’t get enough attention I would do really good in school so that they would notice. However, now they don’t notice because they have got used to seeing good grades from me. Not sure what to do now, but I know I have the Lord’s undivided attention always, so if my biological parents fail me, The Lord will be there!
Born in 1950, and a middle child for sure. Although I could identify with much of what was said, I don’t feel particularly sorry for myself.
In fact my life as a whole has been filled with a plethera of ups and downs from age 18 to 62. To list them all would make one cry and think OMG. However, family has been paramount and a support system I wish everyone could experience. Even though I felt those things that identify a middle child. It did not define my life. I just figured…that’s life and moved along. I am here I survived, stuck to my faith, principles and never blamed anyone or looked back. Found my place and happiness. The ride however tough, cannot be avoided, endurance, strength, belief and acceptance. Just do it. You are worth it!
I am the middle child and as I read this, I started to cry. It all describes me. I’m 14, I have a 22 year old sister and a 11 year sister. My dad and mom are divorced and I live with my mom. I see everything that happens and when I wanna know why or who I get in big trouble. My mom tells me that its her personal life and that I need to stay out of it. Thats her reply to EVERYTHING! My dad buys me stuff because my mom doesn’t spend a dime on me. My dad even buys our groceries! My mom treats my little sister like an angel and I’m always yelled at. My mom is never there and my dad works in Afganistan as a contractor. My mom is in the army but somehow is always there for my little sister. If theres something at my school and her school on the same day and time, she will go to hers. If I need something like new shoes because mine are falling apart to the point where I can’t wear them, she tells me to ask my father. But, when I do and I get them, she gets all mad. I really don’t know my mom. I can’t really tell you about her. All I know is what I see, and what I see isn’t really all that good. All I want is love from my mom, but that even seems to much to ask.
I am a middle child. I have one older sister who is two years older then me and a brother who is a year younger then me (our b-days are exacly a year apart) and another younger sister who is two years younger then me. I know how is feel to be invisible. I would often use my fashion or hairstyles to get me attention. When I got older I started using alcohol to get me attention and fight alot. I have owned my own business in massage therapy but now I am back to square one and trying to work on somthing els. I know I like fashion and music so hopefully I can do somthing with that. I love who I am and can read people really well and am gullible but I wouldnt take back anything that I am rite now because I know what I have learned throught my years of being a middle child is irriplacible. I am still working on having attention on me. I am not used to it. I most of the time just try to blend in but its pretty much impossible. I will learn to own it. Keep your head up middle siblings and know the in actuallity we have the upper hand!!!
-janessa 24
I’m the father of three beautiful little girls 7,5,4 years of age and reading all of your stories really help me understand and have more perspective on whats going on in there lives specialy my middle baby girl she have been acting out a little in school lately and around the house as well and after reading all the stories from every one this really would help me be a better father to all my girls specialy my middle baby i truly have a better understanding of some of the things she could be dealing with after reading some of the stories and i’m gonna do better and right by all my girls. thanks again everyone for sharing again it really helps
yeah ! i know the feeling very well:((
so sad i was also a middle child ..i can’t make a decision by myself cause i am afraid of rejection. i want to make sure things first before i go for it. I’m afraid of everything. i don’t want to be alone , but sometimes i choose to be alone than to hung out with my friends. That’s the problem i can’t overcome.
well it comez 2 a shock that i’m reading this cuzz every time i’ve been depressed weird and the craziest one in the house i had a feeling that it wuz because i wuz in the middle outah my 3brotherx and 3sisterz.I wuz alway’z the sico of the house.i felt awkward being the most different one cuz i never got the attention i wanted from my family weather if i wuz happy or sad which only made me wanted 2b locked in my room deppressed feeling like i had any love my family i would only see that only if i had a seizure 2where i had 2go 2the hospital.Whenever i try to talk to my older brother and sister they would always give me a selfish look and shrugg their shoulders which only makes me feel as they hate if i talk or be around them.Every time i tried 2talk 2my mom if i’m in a bad mood all she would say to me iz“all you do iz think negative”.In order to let my tears out iz jst writing in my journal or talk to peeple who cares cuz i am very ammotional.I never get the attention i want thats why i feel more comtherble by myself then to be around people who show no love or respect towards me even if i’m trying to be nice or polite.I definently get any attention @school cuz wen i’m around people i know i’m not gonnah fit in cuz people always see me as a weirdo and hardly get a boyfrnd from how i look its like i’m a shadow cuzz my frndz get more attention w. all kinda people but me.Thats y i’ll rather concentrate on myself alone in may own fantasy.The only positive thingz thats good @ being the middle child iz i’m the only onee with the best talent which iz singing,music,and art
When I read this article I kept nodding my head because it completely describes me. When I was younger Before my sis was born I was daddy’s little girl and now that she’s here and we’re all 8 years apart, it’s frustrating to say the least. Even more so that my bro still lives here, and they compare me to my siblings ALOT i have a very low self esteem but my parents don’t see it because they don’t look hard enough and it’s kind of sad that I don’t feel close enough to them to tell them everything about my day, icant even explain how i feel right, cause it makes them angry. I seriously have no idea how to describe myself I simply say: I’m Kristal. And socially, if I don’t know you very well or if we don’t have memories together it’s really hard for me to not let the convo go into silence. I’m perfectly fine and then the person says ‘bye’ like they can’t handle the silence.
Last year my mum past away when i was a 11 so now i live with my aunt and uncle and my sister and brother but the thing is my brother hes 4 and my sister is 15 so my brother always gets attention and i get left out and for example aparently i know every bit of what my brother got for his birthday and presents/money when i dont i called nosey some times i just want to die all run away like another time my sister was really up set about my mum and so she got a chocolate bar and a tub of ben and jerrys and loads of attention so a couple of weeks later i had a night mare about my mum she was not dead and kept on seeing her dead body in pjs and i just felt so sad and when i told my aunt and uncle i got told every thing will be all ok and i just feel so depresed after and im always jelious of my sister and it feels that im not welcome to the family so yh.
I am a middle child i am now 50 i had a very hard time growing up i felt alone and unloved i got very depressed and blamed my self for a lot of things which i haddent done and no self confedene at all i got marrid at 24 had 2childen not three i still felt depressed with no self confedene i started working with the public which gave me alot of confedence got divorced meet some one else and got married again now iv got a lovely live with my 2 children who are now 25 and 23 and my new husband so please just keep looking forword and not dewelling in the past
I am 39 and i have parents who still treat me like i am invisible….but it really hurt me when they started doing it to my kids! I have sorted it out but our relationship is bad because they have refused to accept they treat me differently and i have stopped talking and arguing with them about it. As long as I know the truth thats all that matters.
Anyway, i know what you mean about looking forward- but in my case i had to step back into the past to move forward. Its also nice to know theres light at the end of the tunnel.
I am not the middle child- I am the youngest. However, I do beleive I suffer from middle child syndrome because my sister is 10 years older than me and she has a baby. They live with us and my sister’s baby is treated as the youngest. Which leaves me in the middle although he’s not my brother. They pay so much attention to my sister and her wants and needs. They help her with everything and she has never been the good kid. I try SO hard in school and I have great grades and everything. But when my sister was in school she cut classes, smoked, ran away, etc. When my sister was out of the house for a while I finally got some attention but that didn’t last long, and she’s been here ever since. I SWEAR my dad hates me. My mom is his favorite person (Obvi), Then my sister and the baby, and then me . It’s obvious. He NEVER talks to me. And he always talks to them. The only time i can get him to talk to me is to say goodnight or goodbye. I’ve gotten sick 10 times in the last 2 months and the baby has gotten sick 3 times. Who has the most attention? The baby, as usual. I’ve never talked about this before. It feels kind of good to get it out. I just wish i’d be treated like i was important.
I am happy I read this. I know I’m not alone in this now.! When I’m mad or sad when my parents r yelling at me ( ALOT ) I listen to music and I fall into it music is my blood my cure. I notice how I need more confidence I have 1 older sister who is sixteen and a little brother who is 11. My little brother is loved so much and my sister is greatly respected. But I’m just… There.
you have brought this on yourself! you whore! stop shitting in my kitchen utensils!
Reading this description hurt so much. I am the middle child and i feel great feelings of loneliness and subordinance. Sometimes i lash out and try to attack others if they attempt to steal my possessions. THESE ARE MINE! DO NOT TOUCH; DO NOT TOUCH MY IPOD.
I act like a slut to try and get attention from my peers and family, and on occasion i partake in intercourse with african-american-low-lives.
I fart alot, hoping that people will smell the true feelings of my insides.
help me plz
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